You will never see social anxiety the same way



13% of Americans 13 out of a hundred have social anxiety so bad that they'll forego their 20% class participation grade because it's worth it to not have to deal with the discomfort of raising their hand and participating in class 40% have social anxiety to the level that it doesn't ruin their lives but it makes them very uncomfortable socially think about that almost half of everyone that you see has social anxiety it's so very common a psychologist named Ellen wrote a new book called how to be yourself that talks about the rise of social anxiety in America and a lot of people think it has to do a lot with social media and comparing yourself to other people in thinking that reality is a lot different than what it really is that social reality is but she breaks it down in this book and she gives three different descriptions of what social anxiety means to other people so I'm gonna go through those three descriptions in the end I'm gonna deduce down the entire book into one kind of common thought that you can use and you can think about when going out and trying to confront and combat some social anxiety that you may be experiencing all three of these definitions hinge on one fear and that's of being found out of some deficit that the person feels is going to be exposed and then they'll be judged for it so the three of them are so number one is physical appearance so the fear that someone will notice something about you you having a bad hair day right maybe you got something in your teeth maybe your tag is showing or something and the fear that people will see that and judge you for that that's a big one the second one is for being found out about the actual social anxiety you're feeling and this is bad because it can be a cascade effect so you're talking to someone and the fear in your mind that they can tell I'm nervous they can tell I'm feeling anxious and then you're trying to ping them to find out if they really are and it gets worse oh they know they know they know and I'm sure if you have some xiety I'm sure you felt this it's kind of a cascade that gets more and more intense xiety that builds on itself now the last one number three that she argues is probably the most common is the fear of being found out for having unsophisticated you in the back oh this bear he's a dummy he's a terrible conversation he does I'm anything going he's a boring guy why did I talk to this guy I'm stuck in this conversation with this boring guy that is one of the biggest fears now if this is something that you have a fear about a lot of times with social anxiety they don't feel comfortable in social environments because they don't understand what's going on around them they may go up to one person to talk to him and they seem to like them just fine and the next person does it so they're not confident they can consistently get that reaction I have a program called the social invincibility program that will help explain all of that so you understand what's going on around you I'm not gonna teach you about that in this but you can go to social invincibility calm if you want to learn more about that there so how do you solve it she's worked with a lot of people on reducing and eliminating social anxiety and she believes it's one thing you need to lean in to the social anxiety by not being hesitant to go into these places that make you nervous because the or make you anxious because that's gonna only reinforce it but the biggest thing is don't focus on yourself or your anxiety focus on anything else whether it's the person you're talking to the environment so what might that look like you're starting to feel some anxiety in your head and you're thinking of what do they think about me immediately nope what about them what did they say they do what's a nice question I can ask them per one of their interest that they talk about that would that is interesting you know think about that immediately take your thoughts to something else now if controlling your thoughts is something of a hard time with something that I really enjoyed a big impact on my life I'm sure even so many people say it is meditation and meditation it's not some new-age religious thing it's just clearing your your brain of thoughts and once you've tried to do it the first time you'll be like it'll take you like five days if you try to do it for ten minutes a day before you even get like a 10 second stint of no thoughts but then eventually you get to have no thoughts and you can go for five or ten minutes or too long you want with no thoughts and I guess that has some benefits for you health-wise and brain-wise kinda hits the reset button but one of the powerful side effects that I found is it enables you to control your thoughts so I'm thinking about something and it's counterproductive or it's not benefitted to worry that I have no control over now I can control not to think about that a lot of people who don't meditate they can't control that so the brain is going crazy so maybe you're in a conversation don't think about myself be like oh no you keep thinking about yourself meditation is a way that I've been able to really control my thoughts so that might be something that would be good for you too if you're thinking right now or easier said than done to focus on them when I'm thinking Tsang xiety that might be a nice way to do it now do you know what to say when you go up to somebody to start a conversation because understanding how to reduce social anxiety is important but you also need to know how to maneuver in social interactions you need to know social nuances and niceties and how to start a conversation if you want to know a really nice way that you can start a conversation with anybody at an event or anywhere else I've got a video where I talk about that and I'll coach you through the best way so you have a template going in to any sort of social interaction you can be comfortable going up to people's you can talk to that there and you can talk to that there I'll talk to you there and if you want to check out that social invisibility program click right here I'll talk to you over there




Comments
  1. I have Social Anxiety, at school I only have 1 friend. I'm scared of being alone.. I'm scared of being judged. Heck, I stopped eating the cafeteria food because I didn't have anyone else to go with me(My friend brings her own lunch) and I'm afraid people will judge the way I eat. I'm going to highschool next year and.. I'm just scared because most of my classmates are going to this highschool and my friend is going there. I REALLY don't want to go there. Too many unresponsible people, too many fights, too many fucking people. I'm scared to apply for academies because I'm scared of being rejected or wait listed… I even tried asking my mom to homeschool me for highschool. But, of course, she said no. She made up the most idiotic excuse. About "unfairness". But then again, if I homeschool myself I'll become even more isolated. Ugh.. I hate myself..

  2. I hate when I'm talking to someone and I end up saying something I didn't mean to, then I go home and beat myself up for it.

  3. In a classroom:
    Me (my thoughts): Dudududdu…(so out of it)
    Teacher: What's the climax of the story?
    Me: Oh hell naw…if she starts looking around the room…ahhh sh*t. She did. She really did it. Please. No. No. NO! Don't look at this side of the room. Ok. Just stay calm. Breath. Quick! Look busy! Pretend to write something. Please no. Please no. Please no. Please no.
    Teacher: What about you? points to me
    Me: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHY?!?! Oh no. What should I say?!?! Umm…uhhh… says something Di-did I get it right? Please don't look at me. Please don't look at me. Please don't look at me. Stop staring at me! heart beats fast
    Teacher: Ok. Anybody else? No? Ok.
    Me: Seriously? Why the hell is it only me?

  4. The first thing this guy said is so me my teacher gives us a grade on "participation" and it's really dumb because he might not understand the fear and anxiety I get at the thought of raising my hand

  5. Anxiety is a function of entering domains of nearly infinite uncertainty.

    Social anxiety has gotten worse because people don't know what to say to most people, sometimes almost everyone.

  6. Hey Friend!! πŸ™„πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ˜
    THANK YOU!! 😌😁 Amazing how I thought for so long no one understood me but then Coming to the realization that I'm not the only one (phew, made me feel alot better) an therefore I am not so misunderstood an different afterall so its eased the anxiety by like a huge % ive gotten a chance to shine πŸ’– an be noticed an not just as a weirdo πŸ˜‹ but to actually impress the bosses with all my impressiveness lol but the day I got promoted to manager was the day that I quit!! πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ it was so weird cuz it just happened I just walked out an I'm just taking it as I must be on a path that's now on a escalator, autopilot takin me where I need to go πŸ€·β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ˜¬πŸ˜
    But Thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for all of your helpful videos and for caring enough to make this something you dedicated yourself to schooling others on that's a pretty awesome person I'd say an sad little me really needed a confidence boost & it worked! Yay I'm so like if u dont like me I will escalate on to the next til I interview an find an employer that values me worthy knows what they've got and that they need me! Verses how I used to see it as that I needed them πŸ˜‰

  7. Yea i wanna die life isn't meant for us

  8. i grew up really shy and without a lot of friends and it absolutely killed my self esteem. i always thought about how forgettable i felt i was and how people never remembered me or my name. i identified myself with social anxiety, but everyday i’m combatting it by just talking to people, looking up when i walk, standing up straight, not judging myself, smiling at people, reminding myself that no one cares about the flaws i think i have more than me, overall just being more confident in myself! i think social anxiety comes from within and it is a comfort zone / mental thing. i can say that when i dealt with really bad social anxiety, i would go out of my way to avoid speaking to people whether it was at work or social events, then i would get mad at my friends for not understanding me, but the fears you have are more than likely all in your head. it conditions your brain so much that you start to believe that you’re just incapable and too different from other people, but you’re not! it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. whatever you say, expect, or think of yourself, you make true and what you make true, becomes your reality. once you start to do the thing you’re most uncomfortable with, you wonder why you were ever that uncomfortable in the first place! i still get nervous speaking to people, but i realized that i didn’t want to finish the same way i started. at some point, when you really don’t want to identify with the things that hinder you as a person and your growth, you just have to move. you’re not stuck, you’re just not moving. you have to practice and you have to believe that YOU truly do have the power to overcome whatever is holding you back! nothing holds you back more than you. i hope everyone can overcome their social anxiety and overall just love themselves a whole lot more. πŸ’•
    thank you for this video!

  9. I have social anxiety so bad that I hesitate to even comment on YouTube. I’ll type something then delete, never posting it.

  10. I didn’t use to have any problems in public I agree that social media has had a huge impact in my life. I personally think for me it’s the fear of not wanting to have an all out war with anyone. That is the mindset of everyone nowadays and I get anxious when I have to speak cause I think I’m immediately going to have to defend every answer even at my job.

  11. I have social anxiety and it happens every day at school over thinking constant emabresment sometimes I even start shaking and sweating and I can't stop there has been times I got so nervous and embarrassed I felt lightheaded. because I never talk I am known as the shy girl and because of this I only have one friend I try to tell my parents I have it but they don't believe me why would I be lying about that?

  12. – When you are in a group and people always say "Why you so quiet?" because you have not uttered one word yet, and in reality you are just worried that you will say the wrong thing or you will be ignored/rejected.
    – Being in class and the teacher says "Alright I am going to have to start calling on random people!" FULL ANXIETY ATTACK.
    – PRESENTATIONS
    – Small groups
    – Going anywhere alone
    – Worrying that people will notice you blushing
    – Mixing up words and drawing a blank
    – Explaining things or telling a whole story to anyone
    – JOB INTERVIEWS
    – Class participation grades
    – Worrying about social events 2 weeks before they happen.
    SAD sucks!!

  13. With me, my social anxiety is so bad that it makes me literally look and SOUND stupid when I talk. And people like to think I'm just stupid or something. They think this is how I always act, but they have never seen me when I'm in my comfort zone.

  14. People are really that fucked up and judge others constantly..so if the majority of people weren’t such superficial haters who truly enjoy watching others struggle then social anxiety wouldn’t exist..social anxiety is just another reflection of how fucked up people are to each other.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *