What No One is Saying About Purity Culture | God is Grey

  1. Sexually impure thoughts are of the devil.. sexual impurity is a sin against God. That's what His Word says. Quit spreading lies under the guise of Christ

  2. Sexuality isn't broken there's a lot of born again virgins in the church. Having illicit sex compromises your salvation just like any other sin. So quit sinning!

  3. Getting made fun of for not being sexually active can be worn as a badge of honor because it is God's way of selecting His elect. He consecrates, that is, sets apart, His elect. You can either live a Godly life or a worldly life but not both.

  4. Hey, just wanted to say ive been needing this for 6 years. I always felt bad about sex abd it infected my relationships because when I had it I felt so much guilt that id then put on my partner. My first sexual experience was coherced and I didnt tell anyone for many years because I blamed myself so heavily. Since then ive grown and became grounded in my experiences of Christ and his infenant love and finding other woman that have advice and guidance like this makes me feel so much better. Your a light in this world and youre doing great work

  5. I wrote this and can only hope some parent of a young girl will read it and understand why you shouldn’t harp on virginity with young girls…

    I relate so heavily with you and grew up very similarly.
    Anyway, after some bad forays into sexual experience in HS, I decided on my own to save myself for marriage (no intercourse that is)….. and then I got raped in college when I was 20. I’m telling this story bc that’s another thing no one talks about & it’s important…
    Not only was I devastated how anyone would be after a rape, let alone a rape being your first experience with sex (and yes, I was messed up for a solid decade after & still haven’t had a normal relationship at age 32 bc of trust issues & knowing I can’t be normal during sex until I have full trust and feeling like no man has patience for that)… I was also, most importantly, furiously mad at God. I felt like God slapped me in the face. Like he mustn’t care about me at all or be sick and evil to do this to me.
    I can’t explain it exactly but just know the entire construct of virginity and “only being able to lose it once” really destroyed me more than anything else when I was raped, and people saying things like, “The rape doesn’t count- you really lost your virginity the first time you CHOSE to have sex AFTER you got raped.” made it so much worse bc the only reason I had sex after was to “take back” some control that was torn from me… so even the sex I chose to have didn’t feel like a choice. It felt like revenge.
    I sometimes wonder if it wasn’t for the whole virginity thing if I wouldn’t have been as destroyed, or if I would have been quicker to talk about it or try to get help in how to cope.
    I was too ashamed- for the typical reasons- plus the Christian reasons.
    The happy ending:
    The funny thing is- I was raised Catholic too and finally, like 7 years later after the assault, I was driving by my old church and it said “reconciliation today” and I was like “f*ck it” and drove in. I figured no matter how big a sinner I was thought to be, being honest about it in a church couldn’t hurt and would probably make me feel better. I was desperate so I went in. I told the priest what happened… and about all the meaningless sex, dangerous drugs, and too much alcohol I had in the years afterwards, while trying to stay sane enough to survive…. and he… a catholic priest…. filled up with tears and told me he was sorry I felt that I had to apologize. He said I didn’t have to say any prayers because I didn’t do anything wrong and I felt remorse about things I did in reaction to being hurt. He said I should never feel like a whore (bc I said something along those lines and he didn’t use the word whore of course lol) because there’s really no such thing and even the Virgin Mary was called a whore by those who didn’t believe her, and that I should just remember my own truth and be proud that I’ve done my best and am a good person. You know how they make you say prayers afterward to make up for the sins you confessed? He said I didn’t have to say any and that instead he would say prayers for me. I get choked up thinking of it. It took so much weight off of my shoulders- weight that shouldn’t have been there to begin with! I mean…. Seven years I was angry and thought I was a jezabel because of things I was taught as a child. Lastly, I said something to him about how I knew forgiveness is most important and that I tried but I didn’t think I could forgive my rapist and he said “don’t forgive him if you can’t, you don’t need to. But you need to forgive god, because that is hurting you, and when you do, then ask god to heal that man… not for his sake… but so he doesn’t hurt other innocent women in the future.”
    It sounds so silly but that one man being kind- when he was the very person I was afraid would confirm I was going to hell… not for “not being a Virgin” but for blaming god and making bad decisions afterward. He was so gentle and kind and that was the first time I felt like a priest really was speaking for god.
    Or maybe he was just good… Either way, thank god for that man, I can only imagine the affect it would have had on me if I’d gotten a cruel priest that day.

    Funny how things work out- when I went in there, I hadn’t gone to talk to a priest since I was about 13 and I was like 26 when I finally did! I really felt unwelcome in church even though no one said so- it was just in my mind from what I’d been taught. Him welcoming me back and feeling sorry I felt that way was so unexpected and so needed.
    Anyway all I’m trying to say I guess is that many churches- especially in the north east where I am- have changed and become more liberal so give em a chance if you want to, but even more than that, please please please talk to your daughters about virginity not being the most important thing and that it’s ok if they lose it in a way that maybe isn’t exactly how they’d dreamed. Or if something happens like what happened to me- make sure they know he’s the one going to hell!

    Thanks for always talking about these topics.

  6. If I ever have kids when I’m an adult I want to teach my children about God the way that you talk about him. My family has given me such a misconstrued image of who God is and I refuse to let my kids think of God in the way that my family did

  7. I want to paint a story for you about how important it is to talk about negative purity culture and why this video is so important. When I was three years old (and possibly when I was younger), my father raped me. He continued to rape me until I was eight years old and afterward continually walked in on me in the bathroom or when I was dressing. When I locked the door as a teenager, I was called rebellious and he warned me that if I kept locking the door that he would break it off its hinges, allowing my brother and other family members to walk in on me whenever. My pastor forced me to have a purity contract between my father (yeah, the sick fuck that raped me) and "God our Eternal Father" (Needless to say, I wasn't big on Dads at the time.). I had the ring and the whole spiel and to me it was just another way for my Dad and other male figures to basically own me and my sexuality. I am still learning how far the child abuse in my family goes due to repressed memories and mental health issues and other problems, but the Evangelical obsession with an intact hymen is frankly sickening. There are men in some churches that talk about how bedding a virgin is the most amazing accomplishment. Some people have taken this obsession into some form of hunt where they will deflower as many innocent young girls as possible because hymens are so precious and you can never repeat that "first time". Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying all purity talks lead to that kind of harmful obsession, but they are definitely a contributing factor towards the virginity obsession. It was horrifying listening to messages that told me what a tease I was being or how I must have led someone on, especially when coming to grips with sexual assaults during my teenage years and later uncovering repressed memories of childhood rape at the hands of the man I made a purity contract to. Make no mistake, purity culture is harmful.

  8. You make me feel less alone in my faith. I went to mass this morning for the feast day of St Monica and the reading about a silent wife…it made me feel so upset because I'm a feminist but I'm also a Catholic and this a complicated position.

  9. I was given the tape metaphor. The tape loses its stickiness every time you have sex, so it loses its purpose a little more every time it's "wasted" on something other than its purpose. This was in school, by the by, not from a Church.

  10. I left the Mormon church years ago and I remember they would show us young women weird videos of comparing a smashed cupcake to a women’s private parts after you lose your virginity 😂 then they would teach us that if a woman got raped that it was her fault for wearing clothes that showed her shape smh. The harmful things these denominations are teaching our youth smh.

  11. I'm not of the Christian faith but raised Pentecostal Christian and even I think you're bringing up some valued points!

  12. I am just really sad, that throught lgbt+ problems (i am asexual), i overtime lost relationship with God. And i can not change it, even when i want to.

  13. I connect to this so much. This idea of "purity" wasn't even that pushed onto me by my church, because my family went to a rather old, protestant church on the countryside of Germany, so not evangelical or extremist and basically not very interested in a younger audience, but I did get that message through a number of other things. For one, there was my parents, who definitely did believe in "no sex before marriage" and the (at least implied, my parents didn't really talk about that explicitly) idea that maturation is a sin, and did pass those ideas onto my sisters and me (I don't have brothers), but, and I really have to give it to my parents there, their whole idea was "We love you no matter what, plus once you're 18 we can't tell you what to do anyways, you can come to us for advice, but we won't force you to act according to our ideals", plus their views on many things changed over the course of my sisters and me growing up and challenging them on their beliefs. But there were other things, like we always had this Christian magazine for teens which heavily promoted the idea of purity and I remember that one edition that was all about that topic and had three stories, two of people who waited and had a very positive experience and one a couple who didn't wait and had a very negative experience. That negative experience was mostly negative because they felt so guilty about it, so I remember being like "Well if they didn't have to feel guilty they might have enjoyed it?", but that wasn't addressed at all in the magazine. Another thing was that each year, my sisters and some neighbours (whose families were all in my parents' friend group) went on this "summer camp" kind of thing, which was a few days around Easter, which was very Christian, and mostly full of evangelicals. It was mostly a fun time, with nice people and they had cool workshops, but I remember one of these camps when I was around 14/15, which was all about the topic of purity. One day, the woman leader (the two leaders were a couple) took the girls to a room, while her husband took the boys to another, and talked about the entire "No sex before marriage, if you do have sex it's something bad you can't take back" with the classic ripped paper analogy, she also talked about how men are all very visual while women aren't and also how it's a bad thing to desire sex etc etc. Later, we had a sermon where they layed a piece of paper in front of everybody and went like" if you wanna make that promise to God now to not have sex before marriage, step onto the paper now". I didn't step forward and neither did my best friend, because we both were like "we're teenagers and aren't gonna make promises now that we might not be able to keep". Luckily, nobody shamed anybody for not stepping forward, so that was a good thing. Those ideas, despite not always being explicit or forced on me, always made me feel like I was dirty and bad for even having a sexuality and I think strongly influenced my sexual behavior until today. I was very religious at that age, but that shifted completely when, around age 16, I discovered that I was gay. Having heard that entire "being gay is a sin" or "hate the sin, love the sinner" from many Christian people in my life, that turned me away completely from the church, despite my parents being mostly accepting. Honestly, your videos are very healing, they help me address those parts of my history with religion and set in motion a healing process. I'm not sure if I ever want to go back to believing, but your videos are a huge help in coming to terms with a lot of my past pain.

  14. What is that show/movie with the purity ball thing? I think I remember it being something funny but I can't remember where i saw it or what it was called.

  15. Do you think it was a knee jerk reaction to the AIDS epidemic back in the day? My Dad said it used to be against the law to spit.

  16. All these teachings are sick from these teachers. I am a BAPTIST PASTORS DAUGHTER HAHA. and even I know that Purity has more to do with redemption than virginity. You can be a prostitute(like the woman Jesus was friends with) and still be redeemed and pure. Paul says "all things are free to us, but not all things are efficient.". Jesus, if you are a christian, has washed our sins, and we are free. It doesn't mean that everything is beneficial for us(sex outside of marriage), but it does mean that we are made pure NO MATTER WHAT, through the blood of christ. Jesus does not shame us, he enlightens us to the benefits of God's will. But he doesn't abandon us when we go against his will. The only thing I disagree with is this… it is truly against biblical teaching to knowingly have sex outside of marriage without repentance or conviction. BUT, the Holy Spirit convicts us in his own way.

  17. Im an atheist and i love her love hearing her beliefs she sounds so sweet and really does sound like all she wants is to share love if more Christian's would act in a respectable and nice way like her atheists wouldnt have a problem

  18. Being raised around purity culture is affecting my marriage even now. I also watched it manifest itself as a porn addiction in my ex-boyfriend. It took me so many years to realize how problematic it really is. Thank you for speaking out about this! Truly!

  19. I am a Jesus Freak and I've been happily married to an Agnostic for 20 yrs and my husband says he wouldn't have wanted me to be a virgin

  20. If I had seen this video ten years ago, when I was a fundamentalist evangelical, I would not have stayed til the end. Because you wear make-up and nail polish. Today as an atheist I see you as a breath of fresh air. Thank you. And yes, evangelicals totally are sex-obsessed.

  21. 1. 1 Corinthians 7:2

    “But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
    In this verse, the apostle Paul describes any activity outside of marriage as “sexual immorality.” That means when we read of “sexual immorality,” it includes sex before marriage as one of many examples of sin.

    2. Hebrews 13:4

    “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

    What does an undefiled marriage bed look like? It looks like a bed that a husband and a wife share exclusively together. Any kind of sex that is before or outside or in addition to a married relationship of husband and wife is sinful according to the Bible.

    3. Acts 15:19-20

    “Therefore my judgment is that we should not trouble those of the Gentiles who turn to God, but should write to them to abstain from the things polluted by idols, and from sexual immorality….”

    After the Jerusalem council met, the earliest group of Christians decided that Gentiles (meaning anyone who was not a Jew) could be Christians, but that they should refrain from sexual immorality, among other sins. In the wider biblical context, as we noted earlier, sexual immorality includes sex before marriage.

    4. 1 Corinthians 5:1

    “It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that is not tolerated even among pagans, for a man has his father's wife.” (See also, Ephesians 5:3)

    This one is interesting. A man was sleeping with his stepmom or mother-in-law outside of marriage. Paul is very clear that this is a grievous sin, one that not even non-Christians in the city of Corinth were guilty of doing!
    5. Galatians 5:19-21

    “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (See also Colossians 3:5)

    In this long list of sins, the sexual sins that Paul includes are “sexual immorality,” “impurity,” “sensuality,” and even “orgies.” It would be very difficult to argue that Paul gives approval of sex outside of marriage, given these strong words against sexual intercourse of various types and kinds. If elsewhere, Paul gives permission of sex between a married man and woman, then all other forms of sex are sinful.

    6. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

    “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God….”

    Here, Paul contrasts a believer’s self-control over his own body with living out of control, burning in passionate lust. The former is living a life that is pleasing to God and is holy, while the other is living a life that clearly does not know God. In which group do you think a hook-up culture that uses apps like Tinder is? Is sleeping with someone you met a few minutes ago demonstrating control over one’s body, or is it done in the passion of lust?

    7. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9

    “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

    Paul clearly spells out that for unmarried, single people, God desires abstinence from sex for them. If abstinence is not something they can live with, then they should seek to get married. It’s clear that sex within the context of marriage is not a sin, but outside of marriage it is sinful.

    8. Genesis 2:24-25

    “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”

    From the very beginning, God’s design for sex has been between a man and a woman in the context of marriage. This is not held out as the ideal, but this is supposed to be the norm for all sexual intercourse according to the Bible.

    9. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

    “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

    Finally, the last few verses that speak to the question of sex before marriage mention the basis of this difficult claim on our lives. A Christian is to refrain from sexual intercourse with other people because Christians belong not to themselves, but to God. We have been given the great gift of God indwelling us—the Holy Spirit lives within us—so when we join ourselves to others through one-night stands we are violating both our own body and the Lord who has purchased us by pouring out his own body and blood for us. So to answer your question yes it is a sin outside marriage. Duh. John 7:14 says otherwise that you judge based on the sin. So if you don't repent for sins like it says in Revelation chapter 2:1-29 than you go to hell. Jeremiah 31:19 also says repent for your sins.

  22. I'm an atheist now after a lifetime of christian fundamentalism. I really don't like religion, it just makes me cringe. I
    still deeply respect the fact that others have their beliefs and I support that right. But as a person who was raped just as their memory was developing and the trauma I went through in gaining those memories back I just want to say that your message about the toxicity of purity culture in Christianity is not only needed, but it's vital. If Christianity is to survive and be respected these enormous flaws in how humans deliver it need to be addressed.

    Thank you for doing what you do and helping me remind myself that not all Christians are without the ability to think for themselves and see what is wrong with the dogma.

  23. I'm an atheist/apatheist and I got introduced to your channel through MrAtheist. I love your message! It's what I've been thinking my whole life, growing up in a medium to semi-fundamentalist Christian family in Oklahoma. I'm down with your brand of Christianity. It makes sense and aligns with what I've always believed and thought in my heart. Thank you for what you do. I hope that all Christians will wake up one day soon.

  24. Congrats to the dude who wrote that book. I feel so bad also and hope he doesn’t have to carry anything crazy. Gave me chills that he’s not printing the book anymore and openly discussing his concern.

  25. What I really hate about purity culture is that it often is a double standard. People want girls to wear skirts, not show skin, not date, or have sex before they're married. I feel like as a girl, there is SO MUCH PRESSURE put on me and other girls to be pure and modest. Men dont get the same treatment. I feel like they get off the hook compared to girls because if they date, or kiss, no one bats an eye. But if a girl does the same thing then people condemn her. It's so unfair.

  26. And hardly ANYONE AT ALL tells the same thing to men. That if they have sexual experiences before marriage then they're unpure and not modest and a lazy christian and a slut and whore and someone who doesnt honor god. Bet they dont do the chocolate bar thing for men and boys.

  27. And if girls get purity rings, then their male peers need that inforced as much on them as it is on the girls. This objectifies women and treats them like property meant to be sold and preserved.

  28. As someone who grew up mormon, they would use the gum analogy with purity…
    You became a chewed piece of gum if you were sexually impure…

    No longer mormon. But I'm spiritually agnostic. 🙂

  29. My Pastor once sayed in a sermon that for him sin (a word not used a lot around here at all!) is legit, but should be equalled with fear. With distrust. That those are maybe the reasons of the "traditional" sins, but fear is the first. I found that thought very relatable, being distant from God because of fear and being able to come back closer to Him in prayer.

  30. I'm honestly so glad I wasn't raised Christian. I was raped at a young age and repressed it. The memory resurfaced two months before my seventeenth birthday. I fell into a deep dark depression which got so bad I couldn't properly eat for two months. I was living on malted milkshakes spiked with a nutritional supplement, because I couldn't get anything else down. I can't imagine how much worse it would be if I'd grown up with people telling me to save myself for marriage and that I'd be a dirty glass of water if I lost my virginity. I might have literally killed myself.

  31. I honestly feel it’s irresponsible for people to start having sex when they arent ready to handle the possibility of bearing a child. I do not hate people who have sex out of wedlock but knowing that abstinence is only for sure way to prevent a pregnancy, that im not ready to handle an unwanted pregnancy and that I personally dont have the heart to go through an abortion, i chose to wait till marriage 🙂 i am pro choice- i want abortion to be available to those who need it and are strong enough to go through it even if I personally would never do that

  32. I went to a Christian high school and we were told that we weren't to have sex before marriage. All of the sex ed classes were about scaring and shaming us out of doing anything sexual.

  33. I fell in love with my boyfriend in high school. He was 4 years older than me and we were close friends. Thirteen years ago he told me he was a bad influence for me and broke off all communication and disappeared. I tried dating others and was open to having sex if I found someone I loved, I never did. I was still in love with him. Three years ago I found him, we were both in the same county! After three weeks of a plutonic relationship I told him exactly how I felt. He explained to me that when he sent me the message ten plus years ago he discovered that he had a lot of health issues and could not ever care for me. I told him I did not care. I have a good career and was able to step into the financial provider role for our relationship. The night I confessed my ongoing love for him was full of firsts. First kiss, first sexual experience, etc. I am soooo happy that I waited for him, I'm even gladder that he did not "keep himself pure." I get to enjoy the fact that he has a lot of experience. His pleasure is making sure that his woman has multiple orgasms before he does. He sometimes asks me if I am jealous of his past girlfriends. I tell him no, I am actually thankful that he had them. Without them he would not be the beautiful amazing man that I know and love now.

  34. Its interesting the different ways that parents/adults shame children for being curious/interested in dating and sex. My dad is not a religious man, and he grilled into us that teenage boys only care about sex and will do anything to get it (great lesson for my brothers) and that girls who fall for their act are stupid or sluts. The only thing that led to was lying and secrecy on our parts. And when I got pregnant at 18 my parents acted so surprised, even though our school taught abstinence and they never taught us how to be safe.

  35. I love you and your videos! I'm still trying to navigate my faith outside of normalized religion. The fact that you have come out of this without angry is amazing and seems unreachable to me!

  36. An innocent is a person who does not comprehend the concept of good and evil. An innocent is without sin. Therefore, sin is the comprehension of good and evil. Finally, the serpent symbolizes those who would persuade us to partake of the knowledge of good and evil. Who encourages us to partake of the knowledge of good and evil. This is the question God posed to me when I asked him to reveal the truth to me about religion.

  37. Purity Balls have got to be the creepiest thing on the planet. Grade school kids signing contracts with their dads to stay pure, creepy! When I was in grade school, boys were icky.

  38. 9:03….. in light of more recent events – I did find the placement of a certain picture on the wall behind Morgan’s head extremely amusing & also somewhat ironic.

  39. I'm sorry but the part where the pastor man with the little girl telling her that shes now married to the lord, was kinda creepy. shes a child, like what

  40. I’m glad I became unequally yoked, because now I’m saved.

    My SO helped me take a step back from religion and realize how toxic Christianity was to me. I’m becoming the woman I would’ve never become in Christianity.

    The “Purity” culture overall is soooooo toxic. Mainly it’s focused on women and how we’re the ones who need to change, not the men. It’s terrible and soo toxic to a developing female to be told that you’re a terrible person for basically having a Vagina and Boobs:

  41. 5:29 is literally the exact video I watched in health class when I was in grade 8 (Catholic school). I'm 22 with a 5 1/2 year old so I guess it didn't work for me🤷😂

  42. Girl! You are awesome. I would love to have a discussion with you . I know you’re probably busy , but if you got a second let me know!

  43. Hey Brenda. This has been on my mind a while, and I want to help you with your arguments, so I hope you'll listen with a open heart and mind. Please be aware that some of your arguments are faulty in this and other videos you have on purity culture. Please research logical fallacies. Anyone with some background in debate may quickly use these mistakes against you. The purity culture movement will require a lot more research and study over a number of years with larger sample sizes than Linda Kay Klien's book "Pure (which I have read)". It may take years to find what actually went wrong, what outcomes people had some say in (actions, attitudes, ect) and what they didn't.

  44. I think it's really weird how american christians all focus on this topic of sexuality SO hard, i saw that paul and morgan don't even think you should HUG before marriage. I was raised catholic in germany and what i have been taught is very, very similar to what you believe. We call god "lieber Gott", which means Nice God. We have been taught that loving your neighbor is the biggest rule of all and if other, older rules contradict that, they are simply not to be followed. Not having sex before marriage was never even mentioned (The first time i heard of it was on jane the virgin, lol). So your ideas are certainly not as new or radical as some of those people claim they are.

  45. That's how I was raised. The more you don't know, the less you'll want to have sex. When I was a teenager I would stay with loser Christian boyfriends (who were toxic) just because I thought no one else would be willing to wait for marriage with me. I love my agnostic boyfriend who treats me well and has never judged me for liking sex. I honestly don't think I could jump back into the Christian pool, too much pressure to be perfect and pure.

  46. I don't think you even need to make it a gendered issue, it fails on its own logic. If you lose your virginity by having sex once, and thereafter you are impure, then the first time you have sex with your husband then you become impure in their eyes. So if you're going to become impure the first time you have sex anyway, you may as well have as much sex as possible, and get better more mileage out of your impurity. Ultimately, that's the biggest problem with black/white thinking in conservative religions. If doing A is a sin and any sin keeps you out of heaven, but A is something that people really want to do, and is natural then guess what? If I do A once then I may as well do it a million times because either way I'm fallen. That's why you see so many former Christians being even more wild than non-religious people.

  47. I was a protestant Sunday school teacher for many years along time ago and although I do not identify as a Christian, identify as a Buddhist these days, I found your videos through Mr. atheist and I absolutely adore you.

    Thank you for your kindness

  48. I think a lot of thinks in the Bible are "this is the best case scenario in a perfect world" but we live in a fallen world, so we have to make do with what we can and trust in God. But also not judge others for their path from our own perspective.
    Thank you for posting, God is grey is bae.

  49. I don't think it's healthy to be placing so much intense emphasis about sex to young teens. Like sure maybe talk about it here and there, but this purity movement seems likee a cult that's predicated on their virginity. It's like a religion not of God but of the worship of virginity and constantly talking about sex. Which is very weird and im confused how that has anything to do with Jesus?

  50. Oh my gosh, I was raised in a very sex-purity-obsessed church, and I left freshman year of high school under the excuse of needing to do homework. But then I developed OCD surrounding sexual purity and questioning my sexual orientation. Six years, two misdiagnoses, and three therapists later, here I am watching this video. The amount of peace I feel with my past right now is… a lot.

  51. A conference my youth group went to (and thousands of other kids in the Midwest) used the analogy of a bottle of Mountain Dew that people would sip and spit back into. Analogy was used for boys and girls, but Ffs.

  52. If I would have stumbled on this channel during my drug addiction, I would probably still be on drugs, there is so much justification of sin that its laughable. All that matters is love, even misguided love.

  53. Purity culture destroyed me. I was raised in the heart of it. I was born in the late 80s into a christian home so naturally it enveloped me. When I was in preschool in the early 90s I was molested by a neighbor who was also a friend's father. I never really understood the concept of purity or what it meant as a kid only that I could never be it. The older I got and the more I understood the deeper the damage became. Once I hit youth group age the purity talks became very destructive. All of the different analogies used to illustrate the consequences of sex before marriage painted a very repulsive self-image. I think the thing that really broke me was when they would talk about "being stumbling blocks." A 12 or 13 year old shouldn't have to wonder what a 4 year old might have done wrong to cause a grown man to stumble. That's why when I see Girl Defined and others start promoting purity culture again I want to smack them upside the head with my shoes and tell them to go walk a fucking marathon in them and then tell me how it should continue to me taught.

  54. No tiene sentido tergiversar las cosas como lo está haciendo, como por ejemplo los videos. Los corta donde a ella le conviene. La palabra de Dios es la misma y permanece ayer hoy y siempre. El que guarda el mandamiento se guarda a si mismo. Proverbios 19:16

  55. I was told in my youth group that (only) women have a chemical in their brains that activates when a woman has sex and bonds her forever with that first man. If she loses him, she will become mentally ill. They told us that this was science, so when I learned about oxytocin, I got really angry. I'm still angry.

  56. I Hope God will find you . You do need to repent. There is no Christianity without repenting from your sins. I dont know if you even a Christian , pity i think you are a fan and you need to really turn back to Christ and His Scripture.

  57. Been reading my Bible a lot and continue to see a lot of emphasis on sexual purity. Josh Harris went from legalism to secularism. Both are unbiblical.

  58. at 1:36 I thought the girl said "a purity ring is when you make a commitment to your fucking God…"
    I was taken by the holy spirit lol ahhahaha

  59. All I see from u is unnecessary arguing with Christians you are supposed to be unitedxwith other Christians have u ever tried having a conversation I understand here and there calling someone out but I see like 10 post of u just debunking and tbh if you don't truly follow Roman 10:9 I don't believe you to be a Christian no I cant say weather you do or not but I do know that is a pretty clear standard and that Jesus is the ONLY way to heaven

  60. I am a youth pastor and I care and love for all of my kids. I grew up with the toxic purity culture and I know how much of a struggle it was. I don’t want my kids to grow up in it and I certainly do want to teach and portray purity and sexuality in a beautiful way without using fear tactics. How would you recommended to go about this?

  61. you can't imagine how many arguments my sister and i have had with our mom about how psychologically toxic purity really is, because our mom was raised baptist, but even after her conversion into the Catholic faith, her former faith habits are still causing us too much confusion and frustration, just because we're still single or dating. this really cleared up a lot of fog.

  62. Most of the girls who would yell “don’t have sex before marriage” in my Christian school were pregnant before the 11th grade…. sips tea so much for so called “purity culture”

  63. Christians do NOT say that sex is shameful and wrong…..cause that is not what The Bible says. Christians say that sex belongs SOLELY in Marriage. The Bible also says that sexual sin is different than other sins.

  64. When I was twelve my parents got me a purity ring and the whole thing but ironically enough, the ring broke and I couldn’t wear it anymore in the middle of eight grade which was also the time when I started realizing I wasn’t straight and understanding my sexuality 😂

  65. I'm glad you mentioned LGBT… I've repressed my bisexuality my while life and now I don't know how to un repress it though I accept and love my attraction for women. I don't know anyone else that struggles with this

  66. Hi I was raised to believe in sex after marriage as well like u; however, I went “astray” and fell in love with a boy who isn’t a Christian and now I live with him and I’m not a virgin anymore. I started to feel distant from God after I lost my virginity, but as of recently I told my boyfriend how I wanted to get back into a relationship with my Lord and Savior and that I thought we should start waiting till after marriage. My boyfriend was so good about it and so understanding. Anyways I came across ur channel and I’m not coming here with a judgemental attitude at all it’s just everything that is being said here completely goes against what I’ve been taught and I’m curious. I’ve been scouring your videos trying to see if you directly talk about how the Bible strictly mentions fornication as a sin not just in the New Testament but also in the old. And I’m curious as to how you translate that if you truly believe that purity culture is something man made up and not God. Again, just curious about your perspective. Much love!

  67. I have always been someone who has detested christianity as a whole, but this video from a self-aware, loving christian has been healing for me. Thank you, Brenda, for holding a positive space in a realm that is usually full of confusion and shame. I appreciate you. <3 I too honor decisions to "save sex" for personal reasons, but will shame purity culture until it fizzles out into oblivion.

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