The Show: Personal Responsibility



hey welcome to another show of your go-to show for health and wellness indeed today yeah we are gonna follow up on a topic that we sort of brushed upon last time and that is the place that personal responsibility has as far as health and wellness go big time yeah in fact a lot of people think oh it's up to my doctor or my my whatever health practitioner alternative health practitioner to fix me or to help me yes they're going to help me but you are in charge of your results you are in charge of your health so personal responsibility what do you want to start off talking about so I think before we delve into this topic I want to start by addressing kind of the elephant in the room when it comes to the topic of personal responsibility and that is the cultural sort of landscape that all of us have grown up in where there is this notion that there are things that are good and bad and where when we make mistakes there's a lot of guilt and and shaming that happens as a result of that and so I think before we even embark on this journey of personal responsibility it's super important to tap into a place inside of ourselves where we can experience and find unconditional love and a lot of times actually I would argue most of the time it's really important and helpful to have an somebody that walks through that process with you to support you because a lot of times you know we don't know how to love ourselves I mean that's part of the deep root issue the thing so when we can be with somebody who can give us that unconditional love in that supportive environment then you know this process of taking responsibility for ourselves and our lives feel safer I think I would agree when I took NLP neuro-linguistic programming we talked about being at cause and it's another way of talking about personal responsibility sometimes and I'm working with clients sometimes it will just do the symptoms but sometimes we go for cause and one way is to be at cause they call it so be at cause what does that mean if if I were to say I met cause for everything that happens in my life so in this case we're talking about health issues so if I'm the one that caused my health issue now I've broached that topic with some of my clients some of her some of them are very open and hey that sounds great and some take it as an affront as a witty second so I'm to blame so it's my fault I have fill-in-the-blank illness fill-in-the-blank disease whatever situation whatever condition that they caused it so they say hey no I don't want to be yet at cause that's too scary well I think that's why having at the foundation unconditional love and compassion for ourselves we actually begin to recognize that our mistakes are actually really valuable in really important parts of our experience and they are what allows us to grow and to become better right so like without our mistakes we would be stagnant and stuck and never you know like have transformative experiences you know so instead it I think it's also beginning to change your our relationship with mistakes right both within ourselves and within other people right so we have the foundation of unconditional love and compassion and then we have the recognition that mistakes are actually good things right right and then there's also the thing that we don't know better until we know better right so a lot of times the first step in taking personal responsibility can be kind of painful it's kind of it's like taking a bitter pill because a lot of times there are things that we have done that are contributing to why we're out of balance in our bodies and in our lives right and so acknowledging our part in it can be painful and scary but my experience it's actually the the key to our freedom because we take our power back and we move away from blame right to this thing that we're talking about personal responsibility key is that when when I'm telling a client or introducing sometimes for the first time these ideas of or the idea of being at cause taking responsibility sometimes a client and maybe you at home because I think we all do this sometimes we might feel like we're the victim like Oh everything's happening to me right and and maybe to some extent we could argue that it is but what they're not seeing is that if if I'm saying hey you caused this or you're responsible for this or you're at cause the the flipside or what I'm really saying is you have the ability to change that's what they're not getting yeah they're saying I'm stuck in victimhood I'm you know why is everyone pointing fingers at me as you did it you did it you did it what we're saying is you have the ability to change it yes with other people's help whether it's Western medicine or alternative whatever you have the ability to make those changes so start seeing it that way and we're all guilty of that of sort of comforting ourselves with that blanket of victimhood when in fact step out and be scary step out and and look at the mistakes as things that we've learned as what maybe you you've been through it you've been through the dark forest you've learned these things you know you can creatively solve them when you take responsibility quickly one thing I learned is that I've looked at my heart issues that I was born with that well what if I caused those so this is a great leeway or entrance to the point that I really wanted to make and that is that so I think it's really essential to recognize that there are things that happen to us in our lives right like being born with a heart defect you know people who have experienced horrible abuse as children you know those things are not our fault right we did not cause them or choose them and yet still how we decide to show up in our lives and in the world as a result of those experiences that is our responsibility right so that is the difference between victimhood right and being empowered is recognizing that yes there are horrible like inequalities and in Justices that exists in our world absolutely and it's really important to acknowledge those and recognize those and then to say you know oh this this has really impacted me this has really wounded me right and to be able to talk about that and then to be able to say I'm going to show up in my life still today and I'm gonna show up in a way that actually makes myself feel better and makes other people feel better right like so for example you know like if somebody yells horrible insults at you right mm-hmm it's you're not responsible for that right like you I mean as long as you didn't instigate it right but still presuming you did not instance somebody says something horribly painful and outrageous to you right so at that point when you haven't done anything you aren't responsible for that right however how you choose to respond in that moment is 100% your responsibility and what happens for most of us is that it's so uncomfortable and what has been said to us has triggered a deep wounding inside that we can't sit with and tolerate right so what we do is we just throw back on them that same type of insulting you know anger and that only perpetuates this never-ending cycle right and then at that point both participants are equally responsible yeah exactly because you've participated in it I mean it's did the adage of what someone does or says is their stuff how I choose to – it is mine right so if someone were to say Jonathan you're you're fat well that has no reaction to me I've never been I've never considered myself to be overweight I don't feel that I get like I am that's not a trigger for me so if someone were to point their finger and say that I am that I don't even have an inclination to respond back in any way now if they were to point their finger to yell at me and say something that I was maybe dealing with or that I wasn't personally clear with then maybe I do respond back and I do participate in this interaction and we become equals in the or negative equals maybe this is that where I'm a part of that so I'm not taking responsibility for my own triggers I'm not taking a responsibility in the global thing that we're talking about on my health issue if that's what we're talking about we're whatever the world deals you you know that's where you're at that's the reality so to speak and how you choose to respond to that that's where the magic happens that's where your mistakes become creativity become magic become something that people can look up to and there are so many extraordinary examples of that yes right people who responded to hatred with love yep right you know Martin Luther King comes to mind right away you know you know and so many others you know I mean people who have despite all of the hardships and you know crap and quite frankly that you know others around them and the world has dealt them have said well this is what I have to work with and they have dug in and they've done the work and it's hard and we need support and absolutely I don't think we can do it alone but it is the first step I believe in to starting to walk a path of wellness and health and we were talking about how you know you know health is not only you know that your all your blood lab levels are right you know within range you know what I mean like that's not the type of hell that I'm talking about I mean health impacts and interacts with every aspect of our lives right so it starts first you know like with our own bodies but then it goes outwards in our relationships in our communities in our country in the world you know and right now there's just so much toxicity and so much like pushing people's buttons and triggers and you know like it's just this knee-jerk you know response that when that happens to us we do it back so we can't have a conversation right we can't even have a conversation with one another at this point right I mean and that is we were talking earlier about the idea of like political correctness type things and to me the idea of political correctness is trying to be more conscious so I think it starts off with a good idea of hey I'm going to be more mindful of usually when I think of politically correct I think of like labels what I'm going to call this segment or that segment of the population it is other things but it's often that as well where I'm gonna label this group this or I'm gonna be more mindful of their feelings of their position and maybe maybe choose to call them something else now that's fine I think if the intention is great to be more conscious maybe do it in in all aspects the trick is kind of like the what someone does is their stuff how I choose to respond to it is my thing we are doing a lot of poking and a lot of criticizing it could be politically correct or not like oh so-and-so said this or did this and look at them it's the the cast the first stone thing when in fact it's a great thing to be mindful but the responding with love in that that's the trick is maybe stop the judgement on whether someone was saying the right thing we're doing the right thing and you just do and say the right thing for you you can and then if someone does something that is not quite the right way that you think it should be or if it's deceptive specially if it's directed at you what if you responded in non-judgment mmm like well you know I think that the judgment and the criticism that we have for one another is a direct reflection of that judgment and criticism that we have for ourselves right so it's like you were saying you have never been fat so if somebody said you know Jonathan you're fat it would just bounce off of you yep right but there's nothing exactly so the the thing is though that oh crap I lost my train of thought man that's fine that's what we just do these things we can lose our train of thought so but what I did want to touch on too is that this is a very gentle process that that I am talking about and so I really emphasize with everybody that I work with that it's about progress and not perfection and so when we talk about taking personal responsibility for our health there are small things that we can begin implementing over time and the more we do them consistently the more that our brain rewires itself and the more that it becomes a healthy habit that we then are able to implement every day you know so like with most people I start them off with making sure that they're hydrated you know most people are dehydrated dehydration leads to impairment all over your system andrade so it's about waking up every day and just asking yourself what is the thing I can do today to like be loving to myself what is the thing I can do today to nourish and take care of my body you know and maybe today it's just one thing right and and going back to the love thing as well like and love yourself now when I talked about being at cause I did actually think about well what if I caused if I caused my health issue my my congenital meaning born with heart issue what if I caused that whether or not I have done the with clients as well just some clients but if you just go down that road for a second let's say let's say I chose to be born with heart issues now whether or not ifs – doesn't matter like religious beliefs what doesn't none of that matters at all it's like an intellectual exercise if I were to have chosen that why might I have chosen this body with those issues what could I get out of it whether or not it's – and then move through that and actually buy in some ways by taking responsibility and saying yeah I was the one who caused it you have a hundred percent of the power now – to make to change something about it and maybe I change it yeah I change it I'm healthier I'm whatever and maybe sometimes I don't – to whatever degree I wanted to I can learn from it saying hey what would I learn from it how did I grow from it what else is behind my decision to be born with a heart issue so there's certain things I'm not going to be able to do right well what can I do exactly and so that's the way about those thing as far as if I'm taking control of it if I'm taking ownership of it if I'm saying that perhaps I caused it what can I do and what am i learning from it in fact there's something that I labeled as New Age angst mm-hmm this was when I went to the the the recent heart issue our recent heart surgery the open-heart surgeries like as of this date two and a half years ago one of the things that made it so difficult for me was the decision to have it done because most people in my life would go of course you know you were born with this thing it's not your fault it's a structural deal go in and have the surgery going to West minutes and have the open heart surgery blah blah blah and they're like clearly you should do that totally supportive and then there was a small segment of my friends the more the more woohoo friends that maybe not directly but sort of indirectly inferentially they were saying things that would lead me to believe they thought I could fix it myself and so when the doctors were saying hey dude it's getting worse and it's affecting your lung function and whatever we think you should have surgery I felt bad I felt like I had failed and to me that's the New Age Aang said if I take cause from my life if I say that I'm at cause for whatever like in this case health issues and for my case those health issues then I failed if I didn't fix it myself and so was I could have this surgery or I could do something else and fix it maybe get my mind right or whatever some woowoo thing and then make it go away and I'm not even saying I don't believe but that's possible and yet you're not failing if you just choose something I've helped people after especially after my own decision move through choices like Western medicine and saying hey you know you don't if you're more into woowoo things and you're in your at cause and your your taking responsibility and things don't turn out well and you maybe you have to have a certain procedure done you don't fail right it's not about feelings about learning and it's about seeing that all choices are valid and all choices can be spiritual all choices can be growth producing and let me tell you getting your your chest cut open and your chest spread apart there's spirituality to that and that's many other discussions we can have about that but so when you're taking it when you're when you're gonna be bold enough to stand on the precipice and jump and saying I met cause and there are actions I can take and one is water and when we talked about some other things and some of the things you'll know that you can take actions and you can take in your life to get your life back on track you always win it's always about love and there's this magic that happens when you the Joseph Campbell when you enter your dark forest and you go on that health adventure whatever happens you have a story to tell yeah and that's we want to hear so Wow I think I couldn't have said it better man so there you go I'd like to next time touch on the conversation we had about diagnosis ease yeah we should do a whole show on diagnosis and labels and what that means and there's some danger so check in next time so what I guess the takeaway is your health plan is your responsibility and it starts with a foundation of unconditional love and compassion for yourself right so meeting yourself where you are at right now in this moment and just doing the next little thing that you can to make yourself feel better you know so it's just love that and and I always like to have people start with the things that are the easiest few you know and then that helps you build confidence because it's like oh sweet like I can do it you know and it's like we're born with this negativity bias in our brain society isn't strengthen it at all right and so when we actually do these things these little things we're slowly over time beginning to reprogram that yes you know and the more that we do that the more we rise up out of that and we see the potential for healing for growth for learning in all of our experiences your positive or negative I love that because when you take these little steps it's the whole snowball effect but it gradually seeps into the deepest core of who you are into your cells into your genes and you can make those amazing health changes but yeah one thing at a time and if one day you don't you know do the thing that you wanted to do that you thought you should do it's okay you know like maybe one day you just need to sit on the couch and you know like eat a hostess cupcake bring some comfort or reminder and we learned something about why we make an effort every day to do our best is so that we have this room there to just be to enjoy our lives right so I always like to live by 8020 rule you know like 80% of the time I'm making my best effort to take care of myself 20% of the time I'm enjoying my life I do both the same yeah you know and you have to have that it's a balance it's all about balance all right all right you go personal responsibility you've learned some things start implementing them and love yourself right exactly the victim love yourself so we will see you next time all right we'll see you




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