The Grumpy Guide To Class - Part One



here at grumpy Mission Control our job is to identify subjects that the cheerfully challenged find irritating like the class system instilled into us since we were nippers whether you're old-fashioned working-class a hooray at off up and coming down and out or a maddening rich turn so who needs a slap the whole subject of class wherever you fit into it and whatever it is is alive and well how do i define classes class us I really like very very posh people I think that hilarious my mom used to get posh when you know answering the phone my name is bouquet that's B you'll see ket is puff save miss being upper-class know though I'm known as this or a classy son-of-a-bitch but the fact I'm stocking Lea rich up yours only the really upper classes can afford eccentricity and they do it in spades ordinary people are starving and we'll never know what it's like we've got to make some small gesture to the poor yes it doesn't really matter as far as I'm concerned whether your family came over with the Normans or came over it in a container you stupid man I think anybody who says that's classy it's not classic it's like alchemy trying to work out the British class system when the new generation grows up will class cease to matter at all that's our question tonight we have to start our romp through the class system somewhere so we're better than the head tofs the royal family the ones with all the money our money project and 2.4 stately homes per head we all need him to look up to to hold up as role models and they presumably sent the ultimate example for us don't they British royal family a rather provincial in a way head of a barbarian offshore tribe not necessarily people of great glass or culture there were the photographs of Buckingham Palace that came out of how the Queen actually lived and it was just like a caricature it was like she'd had de Kamerion to do her interior decoration the Queen is supposed to have a magnificent collection of glass animals imagine all that money and that's what you think to do with it look at Princess Anne's wardrobe the woman has been wearing the same clothes from you know she was sort of about 15 this pink satin dress with voluminous arms as the height of fashion in 1985 but last Tuesday 16 years later the outfit received another outing the scissors had been at work slimming the sleeves for the new millennium this made its debut at the Chelsea Flower Show in 1987 to be reborn at a film premiere seven years later apparently at Christmastime they give it the Christmas present they give each other as really hysterical they give you to other things like toilet brushes and you know nail files granny I've got some winkles for you windows you see and then it bark to support two wrinkles and a bottle of milk stoked I'll be seeing you not ordered fruit it appears me breakfast is prepared the funny thing is the Queen Mother looked to me always a bit like a pearly Queen the way she dressed and I thought how much further down market could you go oh my own beware the last man swifty mouth and the queen-mother downmarket woman never the Queen Mum is the one on the right by the way maybe the Royals and all his pastures we think they're starting to like them there I remember meeting a creaking Li posh woman and she said Oh everybody knows the royal family enough necks rang down from the Royals on our feudal class system of a properly posh the tops the landed gentry once left on the chin lists people with stately piles and names like Chumlee Watson who are they where are they and how do we know if we've accidentally got into conversation with one having the signal to the top is it like that and there's rules and they say was like they get very excited about was like extraordinary and frightfully and mummy and daddy nothing rather very very alpha class people is actually they didn't move their mouths when they're speaking and they presume that everybody else is utterly death they're very loud because they want everybody to look at them and look at them with envious eyes saying my god they're posh they must be so rich Tim nice four dimm how do you do hello dick nice but thick the face chin let's wonder has always amused me I used to think what is a chin 'less wonder what is a hooray Henry this these chin las' people and then you see them and they are chillness I quite like upper-class people I quite like hooray they don't mug you you know they don't chase you down the street you don't think oh there's six chinnis wonders walking down the alley and better hide me phone the tops can afford to be nice the owning class that's a big clue about the aristocracy some of my own entire counties they have garden ponds as has a lake windermere and front drives as long as the m6 but for all that perhaps of course of that do they actually have any money I think quite possibly if your old money will be quite hard up because a lot of your money is in land unless you sell it which you sort can't do then you're stuck in the limited the family house which hasn't been rewired for fifty years you often find the relatively rich are more careful with their money even a little meaner with their money than they relatively poor they live in very big houses with no eating whatsoever and just put on layers and layers of cashmere cashmere have got great big big moth holes in but it's still sort of cashmere poor darlings of course they're stony broke for one thing they will send their children away to be educated pack them off to Tov training school paulius tofs like other tous wouldn't do form to mix with the proletariat and anyway they need to be prepared for a life of luxury and opulence backup it'll be the making of you few if any of the boys will come from working-class hams few if any will go on to working-class jobs a high proportion will get tough jobs and top incomes character building gives public school boys a worldwide reputation for loyalty dependability and self-reliance the point bike boarding schools used to be here buying into a class in the community and because boarding schools made gents reasonable parents wouldn't send their children away to school mind your absent to a minor way so there you go the whole concept of kids now is across a hundred thousand pounds to send a kid to school and university that's what you've got to factor in one hundred I'm thinking hope mine's a bit of a duffer my lad I haven't got a hundred thousand pounds other thing to look out for if you're tough spotting is they'd like to Swan about on their estates they're big on the outdoors going for a lot of absurdly expensive in gung-ho eccentric sports usually involving horses and long twenty things better still involving guns their specialities killing feathery animals but get everyone else do all the running around and picking things up for them there's a surprise what are you in today right well we'll get it sports what sport right it's shooting game where I would have to do right we're going to shoot these birds right what are we going to do it well they're not very good at flying so to encourage that we pay poor people to go in and disturb these overfed birds you cannot look get off the ground so we without inbred gavião fees will just fire a load of shots into the air and perhaps hit one of these genetic freak overfed Birds and then I'll be a sporting hero it's not Olympic sport is it doesn't count as a sport less to do an Olympics sandwiched miserably in between top and bottom is the middle class nowhere is the class drug more prevalent than here in semi-detached suburbia where the middle classes live with their upwardly mobile pretensions punishing mortgage repayments and aspirational tastes universally ridiculed and universally insecure they take the most stick from everyone the middle class in little panicking panicking because they've got they have the luxury of the trust fund fall back on and they haven't got the luxury of not caring there is a series that the middle-class have less fun than it because they're always striving on what's not fit I have a kind of vague idea that the people who read the Daily Mail but that's as far as it goes so the desperate are the middle classes to climb the social ladder that their kids are pushed into a punishing timetable of self improving pursuits in that they might sneak into tough land when no one's looking no wonder the middle classes have such a hard time it's because you do is all about self sacrifice in order to get on and and you know rise up another level or push your children up another level one of the things about being middle-class is this you know pushing your children and your children are your kind of badges of middle-class smus so one of them Scott to learn flute these poor kids you know they're ballet cello everything in the world I never thought I'd see the day where I would check out league tables for school performance




Comments
  1. The class system is still very much alive and well in England. You can be from a working class background and have all the law degrees with no chance of getting a job simply because you're working class. The upper classes see to it that no up and coming riff-raff will ever make it into their ranks. If you haven't been educated at one of the best private schools and you don't have a double barrel surname you haven't got a hope in hell of ever getting one of the top best paying jobs.

  2. As soon as was humanly possible I got the hell out if UK to a classless society. Yep! USA. No class at all!

  3. Why bother spending time watching this shit program, people with no class talking about how poorly the queen look in pearls

  4. Revelation 17:14
    “These shall make war with the Lamb, and the Lamb shall overcome them: for he is Lord of lords, and King of kings: and they that are with him are called, and chosen, and faithful.”

  5. The outdoors is great fun when you're not shoveling snow, pulling leaves out of the gutter in the teeth of a 40 mph wind, and mowing the lawn on a day with 96% humidity. LOL

  6. Can't stand toffs. Then again I'm obsessed with their menfolk. Their accents; those cheekbones: the aura of privileged arrogance that engulfs them like a noxious cloud. I suppose I'm just a masochist.

  7. THE ROYAL FAMILY – Not needed and totally immoral….i honestly could'nt give a flying fuck about the arguement of how much money they bring into the country

  8. Beneath all of their stupid airs and abominable arrogance, the upper crust English are some of the crudest people I've ever seen. No class whatsoever.

    I lived among the English country gentry for years. A parvenu was anyone whose traceable lineage was less than 1,100 years old. The newest house in the area was a carbon-dated age 500. Yawn.

  9. Why are all the comments ‘respect to Anne for re-wearing her clothes.’ I’ve worn the same pair of shoes for the past year. Where’s my respect?

  10. Princess Anne was not fashion conscious…she was probably just more comfortable in comfy clothes or riding garb. Not fair to take fun !!

  11. So funny …one person is complaining that they have all this money and they're spending too much and then the next person is complaining that they keep wearing the same clothes😂

  12. I heard that The "British Dream" is to go from Chav to Posh within a generation.How many Brits achieve that dream?

  13. The Brits had class, then immigration happened. Imported mannerless, tinted lazy-arses misusing social benefits came and wrecked everything.
    UK tried to fight it with Brexit and indeed lots of immigrants are leaving but the UK economy got hit hard ricochet…

  14. The British Royals had never endeared themselves to me before, it they surely have now. That Princess Ann! I LOVE that she upcycled old clothes! Hoe resourceful and free!

  15. I really like the fact that Princess Anne recycles her clothes. I might not be crazy about her styles, but hey, I don’t have to wear her clothes. My own dress style is nothing to aspire to, anyway.

  16. There is something seriously wrong with the whole notion of 'class' and that some humans are above or below others – get over it!

  17. treating others with dignity and respect will always make you a welcome guest or friend, no matter your 'class'

  18. i think it's good that Princess Anne recycles her clothes. We'd be whinging if she were a clothes horse too

  19. Don’t worry, we look down at all abusers in the real South of America. We also can take you shooting, have our own breed of polo ponies, and pinch a penny until it has triplets.

  20. I'm a Canadian of British extraction and while I love Britain, this is its greatest weakness. North Americans care less about class.

  21. Should be called the Marxists Guide to Critical Theory of a Capitalist Society. The answer of course to all these miserable people in the class system is to take away all their money and property and then everybody will be equally poor and miserable. See, the Soviet Union, Cuba, Venezuela, Communist China, Pol Pot's Cambodia, etc, etc.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *