Stephen Explains Socialism To Donald Jr. With Halloween Candy



YOU KNOW, FOLKS, THERE'S A
SIMPLE RULE IN POLLICES. WE TRY TO LIVE BY IT. EVERYBODY IN WASHINGTON LIVES BY
IT. YOU DON'T BRING THE LITTLE KIDS
INTO IT. THAT'S WHY I HAVEN'T UNLEASHED
ALL OF MY SAVAGE BURNS ON ROBERT TODD LINCOLN. BUT, YOU KNOW– TOO SOON? YOU KNOW WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT
RULES IN POLITICS? THE TRUMP FAMILY– SPECIFICALLY,
TRUMP'S ELDEST SON AND CLONE OF DON DRAPER WITH THE GAPS FILLED
IN BY FROG D.N.A., DONALD TRUMP JR.
LAST NIGHT, DON JR. TWEETED A PICTURE OF HIS YOUNG DAUGHTER
HOLDING HER CANDY BUCKET AND SAID, "I'M GOING TO TAKE HALF OF
HER CANDY TONIGHT AND GIVE IT TO SOME KID WHO SAT AT HOME. IT'S NEVER TO EARLY TO TEACH HER
ABOUT SOCIALISM." YES, IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY TO
TEACH KIDS THE DANGERS OF SHARING. ( LAUGHTER )
ALSO, IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY TO LEARN THE PROPER SPELLING OF
"TOO." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Jon: BUT THE OTHER "O" ON THERE." >> Stephen: I BET THAT OTHER "O"
WENT TO A POOR PERSON. BUT WHILE WE'RE AT IT, DON JR,
ON HALLOWEEN, KIDS GO TO DOOR TO DOOR TO GET FREE CANDY FROM THE
NEIGHBORS, BECAUSE THE KIDS DON'T HAVE IT, AND THE NEIGHBORS
DO. THAT'S SOCIALISM. ALSO, "GIVE IT TO SOME KID WHO
SAT AT HOME"? YOU KNOW HALLOWEEN IS FUN,
RIGHT? NO CHILD IN THE HISTORY OF
CHILDING HAS VOLUNTARILY MISSED HALLOWEEN. I'M WORRIED ABOUT THAT KID WHO
DIDN'T GO OUT. WHY? IS HE OKAY? IS THAT CHILD CARING FOR A SICK
PARENT? YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE A NICE
THING TO DO? GIVE HIM HALF YOUR HALLOWEEN
CANDY. ( APPLAUSE )
BUT DON JR. IS RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING: THERE'S PLENTY OF
ECONOMIC THEORY THAT YOU CAN TEACH USING SWEETS. FOR INSTANCE, YOU, JUNIOR, WERE
BORN WITH MANY "HUNDRED GRANDS" ON "FIFTH AVENUE." ALL MOST PEOPLE GET FROM THEIR
PARENTS IS KISSES. NOW AMERICANS FIND THEMSELVES BE
"TWIXT" TWO CHOICES, BOTH OF WHICH BLOW. ( LAUGHTER )
WEALTH REDISTRIBUTION OR EMPOWER A NUTRAGEOUS DEMAGOGUE
BY HANDING HIM THE WARHEADS. THE TOP 1% "TOBLER-OWN" 99% OF
THE WEALTH, WHEN THERE SHOULD BE "GOOD N PLENTY" OF MONEY FOR
EVERYONE. IT WAS THIS WAY ON THAT SIDE. WE NEED TO BE TALKING ABOUT
THINGS LIKE UNIVERSAL "HEATH" CARE, WHICH WOULD BE A
"LIFESAVER" FOR WORKING PEOPLE. SOCIALIST IDEAS OUTLINED BY THE
AUTHORS OF "DOTS" KAPITAL, KARL "MARS," AND FREDERICK
"SKITTLES." OR AS YOU "DUM DUMS" LIKE YOU
CALL THEM, "NERDS." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOW– I KNOW! I KNOW WE'RE HAVING A LOT OF
"SNICKERS" AT YOUR EXPENSE, BUT ONE THING'S FOR SURE: YOU'RE A
TOTAL "DOUCHE." ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. NICOLE KIDMAN IS HERE. BUT WHEN WE RETURN, I PONDER BIG
QUESTIONS WITH AN EVEN BIGGER STARS.




Comments
  1. Only if you give up 50% of your money too Steve. Just remember that – your kids go to public schools too Steven….just remember that….you and your family wait in line for the doctor too Steven…..just like everyone else…..remember that.

  2. Stephen Colbert is a Cuck. Statistics prove that people give for more to charity voluntarily and much less when forced thru taxes.
    Net wealth received by poor is greater when government does not get its wasteful hands on it.
    Socialism is has no checks or balances, this is why Venzuela is the richest country with the lowest standard of living.

  3. Democrats should just stop using the word socialism/socialist, its not helping there party. It seems to me many democrats don't understand how powerful and radical of an ideology/word socialism is and they use it to casually for what its make-up and evolution w/ philosophical gaps is.

  4. Democrats should just stop using the word socialism/socialist, its not helping there party. It seems to me many democrats don't understand how powerful and radical of an ideology/word socialism is. Use words like welfare state, higher taxation (w/better distribution on who needs it), social democracy (programs etc.) Yet with an ideology that stands on the mentality of a proletariat dictatorship w./ gaps in its philosophy which lead to perversion and with goals of an eventual evolution to communism….it's no wonder why many American democrats need to better understand. You can go as far as saying you believe in socialistic ideals and I get reformation is needed but again the word socialism ain't helping your party…….quit it.

    PS: Don't even dare mention the Scandinavian countries….

  5. Stephen Colbert you can be the first moron to give up half your money to the losers out there that don't work. I will keep the money I've earned because I wake my butt up every morning and go contribute to something instead of sleeping in, being on welfare because I"m too lazy to do anything with my waste of a life. Then I go smoke weed or crack because I"m a garbage human being, get sick and go be a burden on the healthcare system.

  6. I bet your Police Department and Fire Department and your City Hall officials as well as your State Government and all your pave highways are just horrific too!
    Please don’t tell me you don’t pay into your Social Security because that will make you a Horrible Socialist 😶

  7. So can I have 70% of your yearly salery cause I'm to lazy to get my shit together,MR Shithead Colbert and crash at your house with everybody,Thank you be there soon.

  8. Hello Colbert fans, this comment section is infested with poisonous trolls now. Please be kind enough to exterminate them by using facts and logic to destroy their uneducated ignorant rhetoric

  9. Universal healthcare save the lives of the working class? I can barely make it from paycheck to paycheck, and yet I pay for my insurance. You just want to buy votes from the poor and illegal aliens. Look at what Obamacare has done to insurance prices! Who's going to pay for the uninsured? Socialism says I will.

  10. What an idiot. He justified socialism while attempting to make people comfortable with him. Zero brains. Karl Marx used pre-industrial studies, whose data he manipulated, to justify his theory, while living in Capitalist London, freeloading off his rich sponsor, who inherited his wealth from his father. Total hypocrites and idiots, not nerds.

  11. … Er, does Junior realise that walking around, bag in hand, knocking on doors and asking for treats is basically Socialism For Kids? The rest of the year, you only get what candy you can afford with your pocket money, or what your parents give you – capitalism, in other words.

  12. Mmmmm yeah because kids going door to door trick or treating and receiving candy from neighbors in a voluntary exchange is JUST like socialism. Colbert is a tool.

  13. Here's a big fucking clue.

    'Socialism' doesn't mean whatever you want it to mean at any given moment.

    'Socialism' is when the government owns the means of producing all goods and services.

    It isn't public roads and libraries; it isn't municipal garbage collection; it isn't fire departments. It's not 'socialism' because its paid for with tax dollars. Lots of things are paid for with tax dollars; that doesn't = socialism.

    It's not socialism because it has the word 'social' in it. Again: 'Socialism' is when the government owns the means of producing all goods and services.

    Nationalized healthcare and taxpayer funded university education aren't 'socialism' either. They're aspects of an EXPANDED WELFARE STATE. Or you can call it an 'expanded social services state.' Or 'Social Democracy.' Or whatever.

    For example, Sweden: As a European Social Democracy, Sweden has many aspects of an expanded social services state. But Sweden is very capitalist. In fact, Sweden has a lower corporate tax rate than the United States. The government doesn't own the means of producing all goods an services in Sweden. They just have much higher taxes in Sweden across the board, in order to pay for their expanded social services state.

    But it sure isn't 'socialism.' Even if it's called a 'social democracy.'

    Let's review: it's not socialist just because it has the word 'social' in it. It's socialism when you go to the grocery store and buy a loaf of bread, and every aspect of that loaf of bread – including the store you bought it in – is run by the government. From where and how the grain is grown, to the person behind the counter who takes your money. (Who works for the government, since the government owns the store.)

    'Socialism' doesn't mean whatever you want it to mean at any given moment, so that you can score dishonest points in arguments. It means what it means.

    You're welcome.

    And BTW: people like Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio Cortex aren't 'socialists.' Sanders pretty much comes across like a standard Euro social democrat, and Cortez comes across a little left of your standard Euro social democrat – although she says so many stupid fucking things, it's hard to tell. She might actually be a Socialist with a capital S. A lot of capital S Socialists pretend to be Euro social democrats, since full on Socialist isn't a good sell in America. Not yet anyway.

    Then again, Cortez could just be a cold opportunist. Who knows?

  14. Fucking moron. Give your big ass house in Montclair, NJ, away if you believe in socialism.

    And oh, this is a dumb explanation. I've known 12 year olds who describe socialism better.

  15. Sharing; you voluntarily give kids candy if you want to

    Socialism; the kids show up at your door with guns, forcing you to give away your candy whether you want to or not

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