Self Ownership And Personal Sovereignty

hey welcome back to the personality hacker podcast my name is Joel mark Witt and I'm Antonio Dodge one of the conversations that Joel and I have been having a lot recently is around the subject of sovereignty sovereignty is essentially the ability to self govern and I think that what many of us are missing when we don't feel empowered in our lives is a sense of sovereignty yeah we don't feel permission or II believe other people are taking our sovereignty from us maybe we feel like our circumstances don't allow us to be self-governing but we wanted to have a bit of a conversation around this concept of sovereignty because I think that we are socialized to see this maybe even the opposite of how it actually works yeah there's a story from my childhood when you say this I think about this story my grandparents had like this little space in their basement when I was a kid where there was like a little bathroom a showering area off the side of their basement and I remember being about I was probably eight or nine years old and my grandfather needed I think it was me and my brother were staying in his house and my two girl cousins who were about two years younger than me they're probably six or seven at the time they were at the house also they're in the basement and my grandfather I was taught you know growing up you respect your elders and who's telling you what to do you basically listen to what they say in you you follow direction right so my grandfather says Joel Jason you know me and my brothers names it's time to be ready for bed I need both of you to showers and Joel you're up first so I need to get a shower I need to do it right now and my girl cousins were kind of in the basement with us as were like in this area and he's like please do that now there was like really no changing area and he didn't like secure the perimeter I was like eight and I didn't know I had the permission to ask to have my girl cousins like leave the basement area so I just started getting undressed like around to my girl cousins not thinking I was able to like anything about this at the time and it felt weird at the time I didn't think I had permission you know I just turned my back I got undressed I jumped in the shower but I remember feeling like at the time I gave my sovereignty away I mean I didn't have those words when I'm 8 years old but looking back on it I I think I have pain around that still like I was kind of embarrassed I had to do that and quote unquote had to do that right probably if I'd given my grandfather push back he was a very gentle man he wasn't abusive to me he wasn't demanding anything I was just taught to respond to Authority when you get told do something you do it you don't question that authority yeah I have one similar actually when I I'm sorry where you know yeah I mean I was just I'm saying like that's an example of something where I feel like my sovereignty was given away really not in a malicious way it just felt like it was taken from me in some fashion yeah my mine is a little older mine is like more like 12 years old and this was when I first hit puberty I know I was starting my menstrual cycle and I think it was maybe I don't know the second or third month of my menstrual cycle and a brand new for use very new for me and my my parents were pretty open about sexuality and sex and menstrual címon like you know puberty and it wasn't like there was any shame around talking about those subjects at home but I didn't really know that I could engage in those kinds of conversations with anybody else outside the home and so I wasn't prepared I started my cycle I would totally wasn't prepared and of course it was visible because I had no protection and as I just happened to be wearing a crop top which was like super inconvenient and I didn't know what to do and I didn't know that I could go to the office or to the nurse's office to say what had happened I didn't know that they would like assist me I had no idea that they would send me home or call my parents for new clothes like I had no idea that I could even do that so I walked around all day long with a trapper keeper like sort of shielding my butt the whole day and of course that wasn't successful so some you know some jerk caught it and he started making fun of me all day and I was so humiliated I was just like completely humiliated and I felt like I gave my power away that day too because of the level of shame it was like I didn't I didn't know in this institution that the institution didn't Trump my personal needs like I had no self sovereignty because I felt like I had to respect the institution of school to the point where I didn't interrupt their process in order to get my personal needs met and I felt the same way I felt like I had handed my power over I wouldn't have been able to stay it you know say it that way twelve but that's the feeling I had the feeling as I had handed my power over to this institution and I couldn't do anything about it yeah and you fast forward into adult life I've had experiences you know in a past relationship where there were certain things demanded of me there were certain I guess power dynamics at play where I feel like quote-unquote in trying to do the right thing I feel like I handed over a lot of sovereignty Pera probably because of how I was raised and also just I'm wired to try to create win wins but not always people don't always honor that when you hand your power over often that can be abused or misused and someday I'll probably talk about my story around some of that I think it would be an interesting story that I think would help people I don't think I'm ready to do that yet in detail but you keep hinting so that I'm close as I do more healing work anyway long story short it's it's like this idea of when you when you you later on go I don't know if I feel good about the power I gave away or the sovereignty in this idea of sovereignty you know this ability to self govern or self-regulate or have control over one's self I think it's how we're we're defining it really mm-hmm yeah you don't feel good about it later and then you have to reconcile that and think in terms of man I feel like that was taken from me and we were talking offline before this podcast that we're not sure that's exactly how it works we're not sure we're actually getting it taken from us it is always our choice in a lot of ways I think even as children sorry I know that's no need to talk when it looks like you do an inhale with breath so I don't mean to talk over you I agree I think it is when we were children well I even is when we're children it doesn't feel like we have even you know we don't have any power or control as children we basically are told to obey or we face the consequences and I think even as children we actually have sovereignty I think we I think we have sovereignty at every moment in our life in fact I think that sovereignty is not something we gain I don't think it's a skill we build as opposed to everything else we talked about on the podcast I'd say everything is a skill that we built but sovereignty I think I experience that is inherent we have the ability to govern ourselves however we want to and anytime sovereignty is not in our possession it's not because it was taken it's because we gave it away and I even mean situations like you know like if for some reason law enforcement was to bust into the house and dragged me off and you know handcuffs and I was to be imprisoned for the rest of my life that would feel like I didn't have sovereignty it would feel like I it was taken from me but fundamentally I get to decide how I experience all of that I get to decide my attitude my emotions I get to decide that what I believe is the most important component which is my perspective of reality that's fundamentally mine and if if somebody feels like they're in control of that instead of me it means I handed them the control over my perspectives so we're not talking about physicality like somebody could take sovereignty over your actual person your body you're in a back alley somewhere and they mugged you maybe they hold you up by a knife or a gun and they robbed you at gunpoint I mean I guess you have the choice to turn and run and get shot so you still have sovereignty of choice there yeah so by staying and handing over your wallet or your purse you are in effect you know you're choosing that yeah but what if they come and they like hold you and they rip the purse away from you or pull the wall out of your you don't have the choice to run away and get shot I guess what you're seeing is the narrative based on that and not the physicality because obviously you're physically being held down so you don't have sovereignty over your physicality yeah and and fundamentally when we talk about sovereignty in fact I just saw a conversation around sovereignty online and the person was talking about how they feel like they give their sovereignty away a lot or they're not sovereign I don't think we're most usually we're not talking about our physicality I mean they're I think there are times when you can be like a ward of the state or you can like you mentioned being a violent altercation where the other person is physically overpowered you in those situations you don't have physical sovereignty if you can't say move because somebody's like you know got you completely in an embrace or have you know they have you uh unable to move sure restrained is the word I was looking for and so there are times when you might not have physical sovereignty but really our perceptions are defining our reality and so we are experiencing reality according to all of our lenses and filters and the majority of them have been socialized most of those filters and lenses are socialized and so to some extent we hand over our sovereignty in that way as well but I think that's the I think that's what I love about doing development work and understanding maps and models so much is that we incrementally gain more and more control over those filters and lenses and we get to a place where if there is the if there is a capacity to truly influence our own perceptions of reality that's where I believe sovereignty lives and that is ours yeah like with that is intrinsic and inherent inside of us that ability to gain that sovereignty so what we're actually talking about then is obviously and I think the reason why I went to the physical part and you talk about prison and I talked about getting assaulted or robbed is because that's where first people go it's like well what about that and I guess the spirit of this conversation is those are extreme examples and we're not really going to deal with eat but even those extreme examples you can still control the narrative it's more about the things that aren't extreme examples you know you're at your mother-in-law's house for Thanksgiving and you don't claim your personal power you do something you've given to your mother-in-law not you antonia one gives him to her mother-in-law and and then you feel bad about it later you feel like you gave up a piece of yourself in a social dynamic I think that's really that's more of what we're talking about because that's the stuff that happens on a daily basis for you listening you know that those times when you hand yourself over to someone and you're like I don't feel good about that usually it manifests I think in allowing other people to control our behavior yeah when like you said when somebody wants us to do something or they don't want us to do something and our will or desire is to do the opposite and yet we still bend to them and it feels like we are lacking sovereignty which is interesting also in that that's a narrative as well because I don't feel like I lack sovereignty I don't feel like I hand it over to anybody anymore I used to do it all the time in fact I would say that that was like my the majority of my growing up experience was handing all my sovereignty over to everybody else like everybody else got to determine how I was gonna live my life and when I finally graduated from that way of being I totally went the polar opposite which is like I'm not gonna let anybody control anything I think ever again which of course is an illusion it's an unreality but it was an illusion that served me because it made me start you know pursuing lots of maps and models in different ways of experiencing the world so it was a it was a good place for me to like sort of polarize but amongst that is this idea that while I probably am handing my sovereignty over to lots of different things I never feel that way I never feel like anybody else is in control of me and I think it's really more about the feeling than anything else when you feel like you've handed your sovereignty over to others you feel disempowered and you feel sometimes shame and like what kind of person are you to just hand it over to other people you don't feel like you have your own personal power and regardless of whether or not I actually am handing my sovereignty over to others I never feel like I am I always feel like I'm able to have sovereignty within me which is why I think it's actually more of like a state of feeling and that's intrinsic like you can just kind of hold that within you don't you don't have to feel disempowered I think for me this idea of hand like somebody taking it I think that's really where we have this misnomer I think that's really where the the the perception of somebody taking our sovereignty from us might be one of the most disempowering thoughts we can have because we we feel like we're sitting ducks then like almost like our sovereignty is laid out in table and we're just hoping that other by other people's goodwill they won't just scoop it up and take it from us sure and I don't I don't feel like our sovereignty is laying out there I feel like our sovereignty is sort of inside of us and we grab handfuls of it and hand it to other people and what's interesting is contrasting this with this idea you know like you can do too you can do the exact same behavior and have two different feelings from it which is let's say you're in a relationship you and me Joel let's say you want to say let's say let's pretend you and I are in a relationship more on that later let's say that you want me to do something that I don't want to do and I do it anyway there are two different narratives that I can cast here I can one I can think that I'm handing you my power and control in my sovereignty or two I could think that I'm compromising in behalf of the relationship and those are two totally different narratives because in the first one I didn't feel like it was a choice I feel like you took it from me and in the second one I acknowledged it was a choice and I chose to do it for the sake of the relationship and I think that the first narrative of it not being a choice that's where the feeling comes up of not having sovereignty that's where the feeling emerges of being out of control or handing other people control sure so there's an example of this like in our life actually our dynamic and this is the basic daily example let's say so we have our five year old daughter Piper she's almost five and you and I work from home in our business we have child care for her right look right now she's being watched as we record this but sometimes we don't have child care so we have to get work done regardless of Piper not having child care and what we'll often do is take turns like I'll watch Piper while you do a little work and you'll watch Piper while I do a little work or something like that so you know this dynamics actually come up with us where I say hey I like I will offer right I'll say hey why don't I watch Piper while you work on project X so you toddle off you you work on project X and you are getting stuff done I'm watching Piper and then after it's over you know you come back and you're like do to do and we finish the rest of our day and the next day comes and I need to do some work and maybe you don't offer maybe you've got something else going on or you and Piper have to do something together or you you know whatever it is but or I have I and Piper have to do something together but you see you don't offer and then I start to get bitter I'm like well I just offered yesterday to do what the watching Piper part while you work how come she's not automatically reciprocating and maybe I took a hit for it the day before like maybe I actually put aside some of the work that was really critical to get done and you're not automatically reading my mind that hey this was critical and I took a huge hit for you yesterday and so all of a sudden my narrative is man I gave away something really important I gave away my sovereignty here because I did I took the hit to watch Piper on your behalf and you're not cataloging this you're not watching for the reciprocation of this to make sure that I get some time to finish my stuff and then I get bitter and resentful maybe and like stompy around the house because you're not offering without me having to ask now I ask but you've got something else going on you can't watch her or whatever is going on if you got a call scheduled you can't reschedule or whatever and now I feel like I took a hit on something it was not really pre-arranged I just from my own volition offered but now I feel like I took a hit and you're not reciprocating and then I could start to create a narrative out of that maybe that you took you took something from me you you took my power because you went ahead and indulged yourself on something or maybe you even requested me to watch Piper that's even more like it to get something done but then you did to do with the next day these are little micro transactions and I say you know took sovereignty quote-unquote I put air quotes around that and you listening might be like really you think of that as losing sovereignty but this is the kind of stuff that comes up for us as humans right we go through life and these little tiny hits and our relationships our friendships parent-child dynamics whatever it is we take these little hits and then we get resentful or bitter about it later and we say I gave a piece of myself up I don't feel good about that now and it's almost you're hoping the other person's keeping this scorecard to balance the records later in a way right that's one way of seeing it so I just from a micros transactional standpoint like I've seen that come up for us and then I get like kind of fussy about it like hey come on you know why aren't you doing this so I think that's an example of how this might show up in life in like everyday we're not in ously talking about like abusive relationships or super intense stuff it can happen on a really basic level in your everyday life yeah like you're maybe an acts of service person and you find yourself constantly doing acts of service for others yeah and you don't feel like there's a sense of reciprocity so then you feel like you just have to go do whatever you know like you've built this dynamic where you feel like you have to do whatever everybody else tells you to do or see you know fill or meet their expectation no matter what that is and then it feels like you don't have sovereignty because you're you know especially if you're a person who is extraverted feeling or harmony in your function stack this can definitely come out which is this idea that you're you're supposed to be serving all the time right well you're supposed to be constantly in service to other people in your and their needs are on your radar and well hey what about me and nobody's doing that for you and so then it feels like you're always you know in other people's control and what as you're talking I think what's coming up for me is this idea that no matter what we're doing unless you're in prison right or in solitary confinement sure right or in a you know North Korea or something where the the country of your origin is completely locked down like unless you're in like a dramatic situation we pretty much have a lot of freedom to do whatever we want to really like for the most parts in most countries do we have a lot of latitude around the behaviors that we are allowed to engage in and also in particular in our relationships we have a ton of freedom so when we're when we choose to do something what we're generally doing is we're honoring some value of ours and that includes when we make a choice to do something we later resent like when we make a choice to to have other people's needs on our radar and constantly be filling them regardless of whether or not they asked or if we're the kind of person who feels like if that scorecard isn't balanced and that means that I took the hit because you weren't noticing my need and now I met your need and you didn't meet mine then I gave my power over to you right because it's not a sense of reciprocity or whatever the situation is or we just are obedient in whatever way we define obedience we are actually honoring a value within us in the case of like you and your grandfather even at eight years old you were honoring the value of obedience to elders and relationship over personal privacy and so you were you you took the hit and personal privacy in order to honor obedience and relationship which makes sense at eight years old if that's how you've been programmed for me I was honoring the value of not interrupting an institution which seems like a weird value to have but as a kid I was raised to see the institution as well as the most important thing and I'm just a cog in a machine that's basically how I was raised religiously so you don't go interrupt the flow of the institution that's wrong you just take the personal hit on that so I chose the higher value of not interrupting the institution and took the hit of humiliation or like not having like the ability to be private as well personal privacy and the ability to have dignity so as children usually we're on the receiving ends of these values like they get massaged in our heads and we obey them but as adults I think the most interesting question is if you feel like you're handing your sovereignty over to others and I say that of course as opposed to them taking it what is the higher value you're trying to observe in the case of you know you know sharing time with Piper in order for the other person to get work done are you when you do that and are resentful are you honoring the higher value of the relationship and trying to keep conflict away at the cost of industriousness and being able to get your stuff done so we're all doing that and I think what's important role is fundamentally in our hands we're the people who get to choose that and it's the solution isn't to tell people to stop taking our power from us because that's it that's also an illusion the the real power lies in figuring out what are the values you feel beholden to what's the higher value you're trying to obey at the cost of personal satisfaction industriousness right dignity getting your needs met like what is your higher value that you're trying to observe and obey which is still within you so you still have sovereignty you're still serving yourself you're just serving a value system that you might be blind to yeah I think most people and you listening might resonate with this I think we end up giving sovereignty over because we don't want to be seen badly by others I think it's mostly I'm trying to think of examples that wouldn't be around relationships you know if you're let's say you're in a group of ladies and you're one of the women in the group of ladies and you've you know you kind of volunteer okay I'll be the one to every time we meet once a month or whatever I'll be the one to bring the cookies or whatever I'm just pulling a random example kind of making up out of my head I'm just I'm trying to think of like something like people I've known them to struggle with like you've commit to that and you do that every every month and you're realizing like no one's helping you're ending up doing this the the fear is well if I say hey this is this is unbearable for me I can't do this anymore the feeling is you get kicked out of that group of ladies that's getting together you know if you're like in a group of women and you're one of the women in that group and and that's your that's your role you're like if I stop doing this I don't that's my value I bring they won't be in relationship with me maybe anymore if I say no or if I say this is too much and so you just continually take the hit I mean these again this little micro transaction right like bringing cookies to a get together once a month that's kind of silly right but this actually happens for people they they commit to things and then later they're like why is no one honoring this this is wearing me out if I say no all these people will stop being my friend and I'll lose relationships so you're listening right now and you're going yeah identify with something like that in my life and that's fine and well Joel and Antonio to take the power back into my hands but then I lose I lose the things that are important to me relationships or whatever else yeah I I have a mildly better thought-out metaphor than the cookie lady just be sure while you were talking about the cookie lady it gave me an opportunity to think about something like a different metaphor okay okay though I like the cookie like something like my mom would have struggled with growing up that's totally in your mom you know me like she would have committed something and then she would have been like it would have stressed her out and she would feel like people wouldn't like her if she didn't kept keep doing that or something your your mom is totally the cookie lady I could totally see why you would choose that which stems from a place of endless service and amazingness so I just want to make sure if mom you're listening I'm not being critical at all I'm just using as example your mom might be one of the best human beings I've ever met so that's why she'd be the cookie lady she'd be the cookie provider well I was actually thinking of like a boss like an employer-employee situation yes where the employee has a value that makes them want to say no to the employer but then they've got this higher value of say eating right a job their job safety and security and so they don't feel the sovereignties to be able to say no to something that might be harming say of like a an ethic and so now you have these battling values which is the ethic if you feel like it's harming conscience to do whatever it is that the employee employer is asking of you versus the ethic of being able to say support your family or support yourself and so we have battling values all the time and I think that's why it's so important I think the first step is just awareness that that's what's going on awareness that you're honoring different types of values and to ask yourself whenever you feel a lack of control or sovereignty ask yourself what actually is the value I'm serving because you're not handing your sovereignty over to another person you're handing your sovereignty over to a blind value of not a blind value of value you're blind to so you're still again you're still serving yourself you're just serving something a part of yourself that you're not as familiar with or is deeply unconscious for you and so bringing those value systems out into the light and then asking yourself is this really a value that is worth it to me and like you said when that happens you're gonna end up taking some hits when you decide that the value of say dignity or conscience or you know personal I don't know just getting your needs met when that starts butting up against other people's desires and wishes for you you will have some fallout and so most the time like you said people's higher values or things like not wanting to ruffle feathers because they don't want to get a booted from the tribe which is really ancient fear or they don't want to lose their job which is also an ancient fear of survival most of these are attached to ancient fears and we're not living in ancient times we're living in modern times and modern times make it so that if we ruffle some feathers we're probably not gonna get booted from the tribe and say die from exposure and if you talk to your employer about something hurting your conscience you're probably not going to get fired over that but we don't know that in in the fears the value systems that are deep deep deep deep inside of us we don't always know that so it's really good to pull them into the light and go what is the value that my sovereignty is serving that I am not as aware of and is it one that I really want to be serving or is it one that's rooted in say a concept of fear fear that's no longer relevant to the modern context so I guess I want to pivot and let's talk about some ideas on you know I think there's a higher value things a really great strategy let's talk about some things we can do in our lives to begin to take some of that sovereignty back you know when I say take it back quote-unquote with the definition you're the way you're talking about it we always have it some we it's not like it's never there it's what value are we honoring I think that's really a great framework basically that we've we've had the choice all along it's where have we placed it which value have we tethered it to I think the other thing is your auto response is slowing things down you spoke about fj's earlier you know extroverted feeler types so all the fj's in the myers-briggs system I think they have a natural response I've seen this time and time again to just automatically say yes often and boundaries can sometimes be tough because they want to serve and show up in a way that really gets needs met and so they tend to say yes faster than no because they want to show up as good people and help get needs met and things so I think you know part of this is depending on your personality type you may need to basically slow the process down before you say yes you know maybe something simple like hey let me think about that can get back to you in 20 minutes just go out of the room or something else and let yourself think about it for a second to make sure you can actually meet the need yeah well and I was well you were talking about that cuz I don't think it's just F days i mean i'm an entp and I've got extraverted feeling as my chéri or a 10 year old position like it comes up for me too comes up for me too I just I'm just I know that that's a particular struggle for fj's well and I was gonna say people who have introverted feeling which is something that you have as an auxilary or copilot process introverted feeling has a challenge with feeling like it's losing sovereignty whenever it makes a concession because it's desires are so intrinsically wrapped into its identity and so I think no matter what type you are you're gonna have one of these two processes and of course sovereignty is a it's like a feeling it's a feeling of sovereignty which is why I kind of tried to graduate from that whole identity that concept of do you actually have sovereignty or you don't unkind of Safa chol level because we're not really talking about you know we're not really talking about the philosophy of whether or not we're truly sovereign if we have free will etc it's the narrative it's yeah and it's the feeling that comes from the narrative it's like the emotion that we're really trying to control so the emotion is going to come from an emotional place or from a feeling place which is going to be one of those two processes and every single type has one of those two processes somewhere in their stack so or in the car if you look at the car model so for extraverted feeling it feels like you're handing your power over to everybody else through like service and not you know maybe making healthy boundaries and deciding to get your needs met for introverted feeling it's whenever anything hits your identity and you're like oh I made this concession and especially like I've noticed with you Joel especially if you made a concession to something and you ended up feeling like you were right or vindicated in that moment you particularly feel like you handed your sovereignty over and I think for me it's been more about doing things for everybody else and handing handing the power of my life over to others that was really where my sticking point in sovereignty was so for me was like a holistic system of handing myself over and for you it has been a lot of those micro transactions and I think for for introverted feeling it can just feel like whenever you make a concession for somebody else and you asn't as a person who's using introverted feeling you might be doing this a lot you might feel like you have no personal power or sovereignty because you're doing this all the time so I think for introverted feeling it's more about getting a handle on what is actually what is actually a lack of sovereignty versus a basic compromise right and I think that goes back to again choice did I choose to compromise in behalf of say a relationship or do I feel like I that wasn't when I should have handed over like that was the one that I should have compromised on and that can be sticky for introverted feeling just like for extraverted feeling not just like going out and serve serve serve can be sticky and difficult and and I think that they're both sort of they've got their own challenges I think they both have come opponents to them like introverted feeling when it finally sticks to conviction it doesn't hand it sovereignty over at all you can't not budget you cannot move it like that is about a sovereign a place as a person can get so that's one of the nice things that comes from introverted feeling where as extraverted feeling more has to build a system of it and so I think they both have their challenges yeah I would say for extraverted feeling I mean that for both insecurity is gonna be an issue right like a lot of times we hand our sovereignty over because we feel insecure and our own personal power that we've got what it takes and these people might not like us or this thing may not happen or whatever I think for extraverted feeling though it's definitely a place of feeling like if you lose like be okay with the idea of losing connection not that you will lose connection but if that happens then you have to be okay with that to have that personal power otherwise other people influence how you show up and I think for introverted feeling it's taking little little ego hits micro ego hits throughout your like unattached micro ego hits and that's gonna be tough sometimes you haven't built the discipline for that to take those hits and feel like you're losing a little bit of your like your identity your identity because it's what's gonna happen to end up happening is it's not so much handing your sovereignty over to these compromises and things so it's almost like introverted feeling can sometimes be not I wouldn't say to sovereign I don't think that's the right word but it's definitely locked into like this has to be this way or it's not it can't be at all in a way it's like a either-or situation least that's how it's been showing up for me a lot and I've seen it in other introverted feeling users and when introverted feeling doesn't have that component then it feels like it has zero sovereignty yeah like you just hands its identity over to anybody and that's like probably the most depressed state somebody who uses that process as a strength can be in is that they just have zero identity and zero ego yeah and so there's like I think you're right I think a big piece of it if you're gonna go to the how to is first find that place of an attachment not detachment but unattach maneuver to feeling unattach meant to the outcome of the connection and relationship like if you stand your ground and go for what you want and the person leaves you then that's a that's gonna be okay right that problem that was probably not a sustainable relationship to begin with they left they left the real you yeah I mean do you really want to be somebody you're not just to stay in relationship with them yeah that's a beautiful way of saying it and then with introverted feeling it's an attachment to the ego a nun attachment to the the identity piece and being willing so you become a different person which just like with extroverted feeling being unattached to a relationship that was not sustainable I think without introverted feeling it's being unattached to this concept that your identity is static yeah it's not it's plastic it changes all the time so sometimes you just gotta go ahead and take the hit and sometimes you just got to go ahead and take the compromise and allow your identity to change and morph and shift than that I just want to make a quick note if you're a new listener and you're following along here and you're a thinker in the myers-briggs system you're going Y you know I'm a thinker you're not talking about thinking at all you're talking about feeling proud what is this introverted extroverted feeling what are you talking about guys we're actually talking about what's technically called cognitive functions you head over to personality you can find more information about this if you type in the search bar the car model or car model there's a few articles that will help describe what we're explaining and both of these technically called cognitive functions live in our personality and both of these feeling processes or one of these feeling processes will be in your personality and it's technically called a cognitive function stack so even if you're a thinker in the meijer break system you know at four-letter code you will have one of these feeling processes represented it it's not gonna be represented as a strength for you it's actually gonna be one of your less developed processes but it does show up for you and it actually in some ways especially in relationship can be a challenge because it's not as obvious to you you don't have as much skill built and in some ways I would say thinkers may have more challenges when they're in a close relationship often in your life you may not you may not go through daily life feeling like you give away sovereignty when you get in that really close pair-bond relationship or family relationship sometimes because those people in those intimate relationships have more access to the deeper parts of you yeah that childlike part of you those feeling processes can really be jerked around in some ways and you can feel often like you're giving away your sovereignty maybe even more so than you realize because that's just how you're wired so I just want to mention that if you are a thinker these parts of you are there too it depends on what type of thinker you are but these are represented in your personality yeah well and those people have wormed their way in yeah and once they're in it's really hard to not do whatever you can to keep them yeah because connection is not that easy to experience for thinkers I think anyway I think going back to this idea of what can you do about it I think it's just a series of awarenesses and then observing your behavior and then making like giving some pattern interrupts this idea of when you feel like you've given your sovereignty away the first thing you the pattern interrupt you need to give to yourself is excuse me when you feel like you're pat your sovereignty has been taken the pattern interrupt is I gave it away that's the first one is I can't be taken from me I only give it away and then the second piece is I didn't give it to the other person I gave it to a value within me that I'm blind to a value that's coming up from a dark place so now I need to go figure out where that's coming from and then the third piece is what kind of sovereignty giving away situation are you in are you using extroverted feeling and so you have a tendency to be more service oriented and not create those healthy boundaries and even like Joel said even if you're a thinker this might just be showing up in maybe your parabot relationship and if you're using introverted feeling then is it a matter of taking all these ego hits and like maybe feeling like you're handing your sovereignty over giving it away because you feel like things should be a certain way and then just being aware of how you operates like being aware and then adding a pattern interrupt which is maybe I need to figure out what my authentic true you system is and be conscious and aware of it and then start behaving in alignment with it and go ahead and take the hit in the outside world yeah so what do you think you've been listening we want to hear your story I want to hear your perspective maybe you have a question you want to come over and ask us go over to personality you can leave a question or ask a comment directly below this show that's the opposite you can leave a comment or ask a question what I say you can leave a question or ask a comment did I say that we've been doing a lot of recording today we're working on a new program at the time of this recording and so this is the end of the day and my brain is starting to like cross my wires I think I'm just I have my fingers across than any of this made sense I think it did I hope so I hope so it made sense to me no it does anybody listen to this podcast I think this is just for us right yeah a few listeners out there so anyway if you're listening you want to leave a comment or ask a question set it right that time hmm head over to personality you can also join our community of like minds it's growing everyday we continually have people requesting to join that community over at forward slash personality hacker or you can also find us at forward slash personality hack h ack and if you enjoyed this probe this program podcast end of the day see if you enjoyed this podcast you can subscribe to us on iTunes and various Android platforms and if you're feeling particularly giving – – sorry saps whose head I'm at a very long day of recording you can leave us a rating a review and not mention all the ways in which we've made mistakes but just talk about the good stuff which is we may or may not have made sense we do podcast and that would help us out a lot yeah my name is Joel mark Witt and I'm Antonio Dodge and we'll talk with you on the next personality hacker podcast you

  1. omg, this is a much-needed conversation. I'm an ENFP but, according to this podcast I tend to have problems with personal sovereignty from the Fe-perspective. super helpful ty <3

  2. @12:53 Would someone who was raised in some kind of non-sovereign condition even be aware of their own lack of sovereignty? Or rather, what makes you think "you are free"?

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