QAC 16 – Asexuality and the LGBTQ Community


okay before I get started with this
video I want to make a huge huge gigantic disclaimer. everything i’m about to say is just my
opinion based on my experiences and my observations of things. i do not speak for the entirety of the LGBTQ
community, nor do I speak for the entirety of the asexual community. i speak for myself and for myself only and to those people who will
disagree with me, because I know there will be people who disagree with me, to those people I
say “to each their own.” you have every right to believe what you
like, just as I have every right to believe what i like. okay? okay. so that out of the way, i want to talk about
something that has been on my mind a lot lately and
actually this video might become a little long and it might be more of a rant or venting, so apologies in advance. so what i’d like to talk about is asexuality and LGBTQ community. are asexuals part of the LGBTQ
community? to the best of my knowledge, at present,
there is no definitive answer to this question. there is very strong, sometimes even
fierce debate, among both asexuals and the LGBTQ community about this topic. if you go and
Tumblr you can sometimes find people biting
each others’ heads off about this. and if you go to on AVEN, the largest asexual community, you’ll find
asexuals who will passionately argue either side at this debate. i have heard people both in and outside
of the LGBTQ community argue that asexuality can’t be part of
the LGBTQ for various reasons. such as… asexuality being a “lack of sexuality” and therefore inappropriate as being part of the LGBTQ. or… mmm…. saying that asexual aren’t oppressed enough and other such bullshit. and yes in my opinion, that stuff is– those
opinions are bullshit… and i could dedicate an entire video to such opinions and why they’re stupid or
idiotic or uneducated or IGNORANT, but not now. not this video. maybe in the future. on
the other hand i know that there are asexuals who want
nothing whatsoever to do with the LGBTQ community for various reasons. for example, some asexuals feel that
they have nothing whatsoever in common with the LGBTQ community. some feel that… such an association of asexuality with LGBTQ will make things harder or worse off for
them because… session an association will inevitably come
with new and more stigmatiations and new and MORE misunderstanding of their own sexuality by others and baggage that
they just don’t want. and there are also asexuals who just
don’t like having labels associated with them at
all, including the label asexuality or asexual. and to these
people i say “fair enough.” i totally understand
where you’re coming from. my personal stance on this is that anyone who feels that they are queer, anyone who identifies with the
word queer, anyone who identifies as being part of the LGBTQ
community has every right to identify and associate
as such. and those who do not feel that they identify with such a community, that
they want themselves associated with such a community, okay. that’s fine too. personally, my relation with the LGBTQ community, the rainbow flag, all
of that stuff is a bit complicated. i mean, when it’s just me, myself and i, or when
i’m in front of a computer, yeah, sure, whohoo…!! identify as LGBTQ all the time, everywhere, out and proud… online, anyway. but when it comes to being in an LGBTQ
space, at an LGBTQ event, things start to be a bit trickier. the past two weeks, i’ve been going to the asexual group at The Center, which is Las Vegas’ LGBTQ
center. and I have to say, that this is my first
time going to The Center and i”m really, really, really, really impressed.
the place is awesome, the resources available and the
general inclusion of many different groups and people, is really, really, really awesome. seriously, i
haven’t seen another LGBTQ center thus far that has been as inclusive and awesome as this one. i mean, in addition to you simply having an asexual group, which is a really rare thing, they also have a genderqueer / gender variant group, and how awesome is that. but anyway, some of the things that we’d been
talking about at the asexual group has been really interesting and in fact has been partly responsible for
inspiring this video. this weekend is Las Vegas PRIDE. so Friday was the PRIDE Parade and yesterday was that PRIDE Festival. and… in deciding whether or not i wanted
to go to these events… feelings have been brought to the
surface– i’ve been reminded about how complicated and conflicting my association with the LGBTQ community at large can be at times. and yeah, because this i’ve… i can really
sympathize with asexuals who want nothing to do with it right now. originally i’d wanted to go
to the Vegas PRIDE Parade, but actually i decided not to go. and reflecting on past experiences that
i’ve had at similar events, i decided that really
i didn’t want to go out of my way to go to a place where there would be pretty much no representation of me at
all. and in fact, not just that, i don’t wanna
go out of my way to a place where… you know, as in asexual, i would feel
alienated because… you know, at such events there’s often a lot I love oversexualization. and you know, this being a VEGAS event, that most certainly would be the case.
and yeah, i’ve had enough of feeling alienated and like i don’t belong somewhere, so why
would i go out of my way to go to an event where, yeah, i would feel just that? i mean, but
don’t get me wrong, i think that the event was good, i streamed some of it online, and yeah, it was a good parade and i’m
glad that such an event is happening in Vegas. but yeah, i’m just glad that i didn’t go out
of my way to be a part of that crowd when i wouldn’t have felt… you know, really good about being there
anyway. yesterday was the PRIDE Festival and even though i had– i still had the same
concerns about the festival as i did the parade, i decided that i wanted to go check it
out anyway. and… i left the event with mixed feelings. on one hand, it was great having gone because i got to see how big
the Vegas LGBTQ community is. i mean, i’m originally from Vegas, but
still i had no idea that the community was as large as it is– or at least was at that event. and also it was awesome to see the
decent QPOC turn out to the event. and you
QPOC, if you don’t know, is queer people of color. it was really nice seeing a lot of
African-Americans, Latinos and other nationalities, ethnicities, there at the event.
i mean, that was just really, really cool. on the other hand… again, there was a total lack of representation of me at that event, and that me sad. actually, i felt that there was a lot of under-representation
in general, not just of me, but other groups as well. and i find that
this is a common thing at many, many LGBTQ events and spaces. there was a lotta the L, a lotta the G, but where was the B? where was that T? let alone an I or an A or a P… it’s just… there’s a lot of lack of visibility of groups within the LGBTQ community. it’s mostly… it’s largely gay people and lesbians. and, i mean, this is no fault of the organizers of this particular event, it’s
just… yeah. and it should be noted that there was actually a very large drag or queen presence at the event. and I mea, that’s not really surprising.
Vegas has a very strong drag community. but people who do drag and queens, they don’t necessarily identify as trans*. and I think that was the case
with many of the people at the event, they didn’t identify as trans*, they
may identify as being LGBT, but not
trans*, so again there’s a lack of T. anyway, everywhere i went
people were being out and proud– very loudly out and proud. there were stands for various
organizations, there were rainbow flags and accessories being sold
everywhere, but where were the other pride flags?
where was the bi* pride? the trans* pride? the genderqueer pride? where were the
trans* support organizations? only– in fact, only at two stands did i find anything
related to the B or the T in the LGBT. and… yeah, that was… that was really
disappointing and sad. everywhere, everyone was loudly
celebrating who they are, but i couldn’t help but wonder. if i
celebrated who i am just as loudy as them… for example, if i wore an ace pride
shirt, if I draped an asexual or a genderqueer
or neutrois flag over my shoulders… if i did anything to fight the
inevitable assumptions that i’m lesbian, how… what kind of reactions whould i get to
that? would i get blank stares? word i get
people asking what such-and-such means…? and upon
explaining what something means, would i get… laughs? would i get sympathy, even? i seriously– i seriously felt like i had to think about that. and the fact that i even have to be
concerned about… worrying about the kind of reactions
that I would get to my own pride at PRIDE festival is just really sad. i’m reminded of when i went to an LGBTQ Film
Festival in Brisbane. i went to see the movie “Gayby”… and… in that movie, one of the main
characters makes fun up the A in LGBTQIA TWO times… and yes, i was counting– two
times… and it wasn’t some… some little poking fun at it, it was blatant saying that
it didn’t belong there, what the hell was that A for? kinda thing. and when the character made
fun of the A people in the theater laughed and i just sat in my seat silently foaming at the mouth. it’s stuff like this, lack of visibility, the lack of
recognition, inclusion… lack of understanding– it’s stuff like this
that makes me question wearing my rainbow bracelet. it’s stuff
like this that makes me not able to identify with LGBTQ
community, or the rainbow flag sometimes. i mean, the rainbow flag, does it even represent me? sometimes I… I ask myself
this, am i even represented by the rainbow
flag? are other groups of people even
represented by rainbow flag? the rainbow flag is supposed to represent the entirety of the LGBTQ
community, but sometimes it seems like it just– it’s
just the homosexual flag or something…. and i don’t
mean to offend anyone, i know that that’s not the case, but sometimes that’s how it feels. because there’s such a lack of inclusion, there’s such a lack of education, there’s such a lack of
awareness, there’s such a lack of… visibility in that flag and in the LGBTQ community, at LGBTQ events, that… yeah. i mean, i will continue to wear my rainbow bracelet, if you can see it, with pride along with
my many other pride bracelets. i will continue to associate with the
LGBTQ community. but yeah… the association, the
relationship i have with the community… it’s not always strong, it waivers a lot sometimes. and yeah, i guess that’s where i’ll leave this video, that i totally sympathize with asexuals who sometimes feel that they don’t
belong, or that they have nothing in common with the community. even though saying that, i do strongly
feel that asexuality should be included. but yeah, anyway, that’s where i’ll leave this video. umm, if you have anything to add or
anything to comment, please do. umm, i look forward to hearing other
people’s opinions. bye.




Comments
  1. I thought that asexuality was included in the acronym, but people mistakenly thought it stood for "ally"? I'm not sure of the official meaning though. but I agree that there's hardly any visibility in the LGBT+ community for hardly anything but lesbian and gay. it's really saddening because you see everyone claiming LGBT+ pride but they don't even know what the T stands for. hopefully we start becoming more visible as time goes on, however.

  2. there are acronyms which include an A (LGTBQIA, LGBTQA, etc), but not everyone uses those acronyms. also yeah, there is some disagreement/confusion as to what the A stands for. many people aren't aware of asexuality at all and so they assume A stands for ally. as great as allies are, i personally think they have no place in the acronym. they support the community, yes, but are not actually members of it, imho.

  3. Last week, I watched the (A)sexual documentary. I was pretty upset by the disinterest and at times blatant rejection of asexuality by the very people who apparently fight very hard for others to recognize and respect their own sexuality. I hope one day they see and change that behavior, because I'm sure I'm not the only one who finds it terribly hypocritical.

  4. Saying that, I relate to your feelings on the matter. I have a lot of gray-a tendencies, and I've already felt the sting from some people in the LGBTQ community. I've also just come out as genderqueer, yet I'm already seeing lots of misunderstandings about what makes someone genderqueer. It's disheartening, and scary.

  5. I think you make many wonderful points and I agree with you 100%. Thank you so much for taking the time to make this. It made me feel much less alone.

  6. As an Asexual I'm not sure whether I want to be apart of the LGBT community. I know I support them but I'm not sure if I fit in with them.

  7. So majority of the time asexuals are on their own when it comes to being so … grey asexuals … especially when aromantic. Just seems so. 

  8. I'm pretty sure Acers are in the community.  I've heard it called LGBTQIA a lot, but just abbreviated because people are lazy.  That mostly stands for Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Questioning Inbetween Ace, but the A sometimes is seen as Allies so I guess we might not fit after all.

  9. Thank you very much for this 🙂 I fully support the LGBTQ community but I'm on the fence on whether or not I feel I belong with the LGBTQ community. I know quite a few LGBTQ members and a few of them do make fun of asexuals, however some others are completely accepting. I really am torn weather I can consider myself as a part of the LGBTQ community but I know I will always support them. Again, thanks very much for this video.

  10. As someone that identifies as non-binary/gender neutral and I'm questioning whether I am asexual or not I completely understand what you mean. I've seen people that think the A stands for Allies and then argue that it doesn't belong there, I've seen transgender people argue that transgender is a label/umbrella reserved for people that go from male to female or the reverse, etc. It makes me wonder if the people that argue these things do so because they don't identify with being ace or non-binary or because there's something else going on?

    Personally, I think that despite the disconnect, we should be part of the rainbow flag and the queer community. We are all not both straight (both romantically and sexually) and cisgendered and we all face discrimination. Just because someone is also part of the queer community, that doesn't mean that they cannot discriminate or be intolerant themselves. The rainbow is a big umbrella and it should be used to cover everyone that needs shelter from the rain.

  11. I have moments when I think I don't belong under the trans umbrella because I'm Agender. I lack gender, and I get criticized because I lack gender! I don't feel supported in the transgender community.

  12. I hope this isn't an unwelcome comment or anything (and I'm asexual also so I don't mean anything pushy by it) but you're reeeeeeally pretty.

  13. I've been flat out told that I'm not welcomed in the LGBT community or even allowed to use the word "queer" if it wasn't for my ROMANTIC orientation and my gender. But really, my asexuality, and my need for asexuality to be acknowledged is more important to me than my romantic orientation or my gender…. I don't feel welcomed at all in queer spaces that call themselves LGBT even though I have a right to be there….

    Because of that, I like to call myself GSM. I still feel queer and I still call myself queer. I am. But I don't use LGBT as an acronym to describe me or anyone else anymore. I prefer Gender an Sexuality Minorities because it's not this stupid oppression Olympic club you have to get approved for to get into, nor an evergrowing acronym.

  14. Very good video. I'm asexual, and I 100% consider myself queer and part of the LGBTQIA community. I've been both accepted and rejected by individuals within the community.
    But then I literally just got out of a debate with a gay man here on YT who told me I'm mentally ill, my orientation doesn't exist, I don't belong in the queer community and for me "to go fuck yourself, 'cause no one else wants to." You can see the mental acuity of the guy I was talking to, but it still hurt.
    And you know, members of the queer community who don't accept asexuality? They're bigots. And hypocrites.

  15. I am hetero-asexual, or probably more so on the spectrum. I consider myself asexual due mostly to a lack of interest in sex. I do experience attraction from time to time (although rarely and very circumstantial) and the lack of interest in sex doesn't mean that I don't have a sex drive at all… again, it's very circumstantial.

    So I suppose it's safe to say that I don't identify as LGBTQ(IA), and I'm not about to barge my way into a club where I wouldn't be entirely accepted. I do attend the pride parade though, which in Chicago is held at the end of June, but I go simply to show my support and be apart of the party atmosphere. You'll be surprised how welcoming and open most of the folks are… One stranger even invited me to make-out with his solo cup of whatever liquor was in it… (he was probably drunk lol)

    And speaking of pride, that is what the rainbow is supposed to represent as far as I'm concerned. Not necessarily being gay/lesbian, or bisexual, transgender, queer, or whatever. It's about having pride in who you are, how you were born, of your sexuality or even lack thereof.

  16. Asexuals cant be part being neutral over those getting laid in LGBT Q? Whats Q? Queer but wouldnt LGBT be all queers. Whatever happened to be on a dry spell? Not liking sex or being virtually abstinent. It seems like fruit flies wanting to be part of gay community but not be gay. It feels like a bunch of insecure people wanting to create a community outside from a monastery or christian fundamental tent revival selling purity rings and t-shirts.

  17. Well it seems like abstinent people have better alternative instead of talking about all the no-sex they are having, you Fruit Fly.

  18. It should not be a thing just dont have sex you dont need Pride parade for that. I dont bowl, I dont need to make a statement about.

  19. I'm gay and am pretty sex positive, however, I have mixed feelings about associating the LGBT community with asexuals.  The original drive of the movement was anti-discrimination- and continues to be so.  In this way, I definitely don't believe asexuals fall into this category.  No one is chastising you for not having sex, except maybe on a personal or intimate level.  Yet on the other hand, our community is rich with sexual expression and we are all about being sex positive, accepting of others, and supporting of the various sexualities.  If you take this view, you are certainly welcome.  All being said, I don't think we would turn anyone away, regardless of our disagreements.

  20. If you are questioning why the other letters weren't represented at your pride, instead of taking it to YouTube to rant, why don't you just ask someone associated with the event.  If you are unsatisfied with that answer, make it your goal to work with event organizers to fight for more inclusion.

     IMO we need to truncate the alphabet soup of letters.  Tacking on more just muddles the representation of the community to a point where we lose cohesiveness and definition.  Hell, I'm gay and I don't know what half the letters stand for.  Are they all necessary?  Can't we all agree that LGBT represent the entire community?  Or should we call the community LGBTQQIAABSP or any various combination of those letters?  Hell we cant even agree on the order four initial letters.  Is it GLBT, or is it LGBT?  We need a consensus.  It causes confusion, especially to those who are unfamiliar with our community.

  21. A great book for this video is: Excluded: Making Feminist and Queer Movements More Inclusive by Julia Serano http://www.amazon.com/Excluded-Making-Feminist-Movements-Inclusive/dp/1580055044/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400472019&sr=8-1&keywords=Julia+Serano

    Everyone seeing this video needs to read this book.  In deal with the discrimination in the queer moment and how to end it.

       

  22. Vesper, you make complete and brilliant sense in all that you say in this video, but, as an asexual person myself, a cisgender female who is asexual, I just can't see where there is any sexual or sexuality issue that connects me personally to the LGBTQ community, at least on my part. IMHO, and, respectfully, I feel I DON'T belong…I don't have this urgent, crushing need to FEEL included.. I don't volunteer the fact that I am asexual, but I will gladly confess and explain if questioned or if the whole subject comes up…It is just basically a fact about myself that I take completely for granted, the same as my hair color or eye color, or the fact that I like chocolate ice cream instead of vanilla…that is how important to me it is overall in the scheme of things…and I have no kind of ridiculous "romantic" orientation, either, so, even there, I have no connection…I love your videos. You are a very attractive, intelligent and  compelling young person…please, keep up the great work.

  23. I agree with many of your points. Being in the LBTQ community? Online, yes. In life, no. I've had some very good homosexual friends, but some are very oppressive. STRANGE how they don't like others restricting their freedoms but it's okay for THEM to do it! One of my friends said he could "change" me. I didn't appreciate it as much as he thought I would.

  24. Thank you for this video. I'm Gray-a and I'm really active in the LGBT+ community and sometimes it's so hard explaining to my (welcoming) friends why I feel unwelcome in a large number of LGBT+ spaces, and this video helps so much.

  25. I realized the situation asexuals are in with the LGBTQ community is quite ironic. The LGBTQ community calls for equality and hates how straight people don't accept them. But when people like me who are asexual come out of the pantry to the LGBTQ community, we don't get accepted. Some of them act like the straights do to the LGBTQ members and hate on us and treat us horribly. This leaves me questioning sometimes on why I should still support the LGBTQ community when they will not support me back.

  26. I feel that asexuals and everyone are part of the lgbtq community. I will accept all types. I believe in the LGBTQIAPD community. Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, (non-binary or gender) Queer, Intersex, Asexual, Pansexual and Demisexual. I am a pansexual,

  27. You know, when people come to a certain point of acceptance in the future, there should be a flag made for humanity and not just for the LGBTQA community. I personally don't understand why this has to be a problem. Aren't these parades supposed to represent support and acceptance for the unaccepted? Why are even these people not accepting each other?

  28. Every year where I live there is the rainbow parade aka pride around the middle of June and this year will be the first for me to try to openly show my orientation. I plan on wearing a NO ROMO shirt or NAH shirt, since these are my favourites out of all I could find (also awesome: Wingaydium Lesbiosa) and I am really excited. But also kinda scared. Last year, I knew I wasn't straight, but could not define it shortly after the parade (the irony) and now I have a word that expresses what I felt and feel all along.
    But at the other hand I am scared. Scared that maybe I won't get accepted. That maybe there will be rude people saying rude things in a place where last year I saw everyone and everything so radiant and happy. I couldn't stop smiling last year, I want it to be the same this year. I am on one hand scared of showing my romantic and sexual orientation, but on the other hand I think of how unknown it is, even more here, how it could help people. I could help spread the word with signs and stuff but at the same time I am scared of rude words and prejudices. I am unsure of if I should really show it openly.

  29. I feel the same way you do, and it's the main reason why I'm still 'in the closet'. I've always been, and still am, a strong supporter of the LGBTQ+ community but it wasn't until early this year that I stumbled across the term Asexual, and it 'clicked' with me as to "yeah that's exactly how I feel".
    I'm petrified to tell anyone because no one, even my friends who are mainly LGBT, seems to know what asexuality is…

  30. i think asexuality has a place in the community but i personally don't feel comfortable being in those spaces. being (cis white female)heteroromantic, i feel like i would be invading spaces not truly meant for me. sometimes i regret feeling this way but in the end i am just glad to know asexuality is a 'thing' not some joke i used to make to make sense of who i am. it has been so good these past few years since discovering 'ace/asexuality' as a 'label.' just discovered your videos and enjoying them greatly. thank you for them. 🙂

  31. I love your videos – this is really critical and thoughtful. "Anyone who identifies with being Queer with being apart of the LGBTQ community has every right to identify as such" – could not have said it better myself, 100% accurate. Your awesome ! 🙂

  32. It's seeing how some of the LGBTQ community treats asexuals like myself that I have stopped being a steadfast supporter.

    I seem to catch not so flattering cases of hypocrisy frequently enough to warrant my pull of support, imo.

  33. Hetroromantics as allies and under the label of asexual but DEFINITELY not under the term Q*er. It's inappropriate. Only if you're welcomed by the community.
    LGBT+ romantic and identifying aces, yes.
    ace aromantic… depends. Not hetero-normative but up to the community to decide if they are comfortable. As an ace aro I don't demand space in the safe communities of other people. Especially when they are dealing with and addressing issues of severe violence. My erasure doesn't compare to the severity of these issues and so if I'm invited, that's cool. If not, I'm not a jerk about it. Aces who claim to be against homophobia and transphobia should have this attitude as well instead of DEMANDING LGBT+ to scoot over for them. Ask THEM if they're comfortable with you there. These spaces have existed for these communities long before. It's good to be considerate.

  34. Well, I'm not ace, but I really understand what you are saying. I support you and your communite whatever you decide, if you want to fight for visibility and equality with the queer community or if you prefere not, but I will defence always your right to choose it, because I think it's you choice. I know there are a lot of people that dont' get it inside the queer community, that discrimines you, especially the homo part, and if you are also nb, even more erasure. But well, I'm nb too, and pansexual/bisexual, so I'm not the more represented part neither… Anyway, I support the asexual community, I think I'm a good ally, and I can also understand both points of view and your community. Great video

  35. Honestly, as much as we are discriminated (and it does happen) I don't care much to be in the LGBT community, it would be nice to start our own. Unless you are an asexual who is gay or strait which case you could fit into one or the other if yoy wanted to. But, gays can be such hypocrites; while they are slowly being accepted into society when everyone was saying that there was something mentally wrong with them and they tried to force them together with straits and fix them…they seem to hold onto that descrimation for themselves and forget that people are doing the same to us trying to fix and dyicnos us. Plus, the LGBT community, the misfits of society don't even accept us; and while some things are stretched and dramatic, other things are real and we do face problems, not all the time but we do. It's hard for people to understand the simplest thing like we don't like sex or some of us don't even like relationships. I have seen so many books trying to figure us out scientifically or heard people comment we aren't human for not liking stuff like that. I was so proud to be asexual but I didn't think it was such a big deal that I might need to sit people down and tell them after all aren't these just relationship problems? It shouldn't concern my family that I don't want to have sex should it? I dunno, I just got super sick after reading so much crap that even I wanted to know if there was something wrong with me.

  36. What i've found with the ace community there is a higher frequency of dis-alignment with sexual orientation and romantic orientation. For example, most homosexual people are homoromantic. But with asexuality, aromanticism is rare and heteromanticism isn't all that common either.

  37. So my question is who decides this. Do asexuals proclaim membership in the LGBTQ community and therefore are part of it, or does the LGBTQ community need to approve membership? I mean who decides if a new group is part of another?

  38. This is why I don't go to these meets. I've met bisexuals who were very accepting of me being ace – but also, many homosexuals in particular who laughed at me. Speculated they could apparently tell that I was secretly gay and covering up. I hate that ignorant attitude.

  39. Maybe the salient question is this: In a world so dominated by heterosexuals who copulate like rabbits at every opportunity, where do asexual people go when they want to get away from all that and find some support from people who understand? LGBT people clearly have a place they can go, support networks that can help them, etc. Just as an example, in the offline world I am the only asexual person I know. I live in a large midwestern US city, and there are NO groups for asexuals, while there are several large, vocal, and well-resourced groups for LGBTs. I am not a young person, but i shudder to think what happens to young asexuals looking for help, support, and information. We already know that the most common reactions to asexuality involve many statements that boil down to "there must be something wrong with you" in various forms and expressions. This is NOT what a young person who is already struggling needs to hear.

  40. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the rainbow flag supposed to symbolize a 'rainbow' of sexual and gender identities, and try to create awareness for anyone who isn't straight or doesn't fit typical gender norms. If so, then why shouldn't asexuals be represented? That's the reason the A was included to begin with. I just don't get people who think it shuldn't be included.

  41. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Being ace is something that I'm coming to terms with. Once I found out what ace meant and evaluated my life experiences and desires I realized it described me to a t. I was searching for a video by a QPOC and an ace and I'm so glad I found your videos. Know that you're not alone and that I have had a similar aversion to going to Pride with my partner who is white, male, and homosexual. He is celebrated and centered in Pride while my being an asexual person of color I am largely marginalized and silenced. I have a complicated relationship to the LGBTQIA+ community.

  42. I was a member of the Pride Organisation team in my hometown many times. The problem with representation is that you need people of the group itself to organize it. Why didn' t your group organize a stand on the festival? Most LGBTQ- teams would welcome anyone who assotiated with them. But you need the members of the group itself to do something!! This is not intolerance or something. It is just the case that most people just want to get something instead of doing something themselves.

  43. From my point of view, asexuality is not related to heterosexual community or GLBT community as well. It does not makes sense at all. Thank you sooooooooooooo much for this video.

  44. this was enlightening. personally I've heard about debates of whether or not aces belong in the LGBT community but I do not identify as such. probably because I'm hetero romantic (or gray romantic). but it's sad to see people are belittling our problems and excluding us. like, wasn't the point of that community to be accepting? it's hypocrisy. it's like the middle child, who's bullied by his older brother, now is bullying the third, youngest child from prior influence.

  45. Bullshit is a very good substance. Why ? It heals and purifies the atmosphere if it is burned in a fire sacrifice at sunrise or sunset. Im not joking, the affect is already scientifically confirmed . So please inform yourself about it:  Homa-Therapy / Agnihotra-Therapy

  46. I'm Asexual and I believe we are part of the LGBTQ+ community. Just because we haven't been through similar things as other queer people does NOT mean we aren't part of it. There is something asexuals and other queers have in common, we want ACCEPTANCE!

  47. Thank you for this video. You articulate so well how complicated it is… Your experience definitely reflects mine. ace solidarity

  48. I dont think Asexuals should be part of the LGBT community because its less of an orientation and more of a lack of an orientation. But I do think we need as much awareness and its not fair that they get so much support and we dont. I mean there is groups, hotlines and websites dedicated to them. But practically nothing for us. I think its to do with our sex obsessed society. I mean its good they help gays and stuff but the majority of all types of people are obsessed with being sexual.

  49. Also another thing I think is unfair and which is an example of our sex obsessed society is therapists wouldnt dare imply that homosexuality is a mental disorder, yet they do towards Asexuals and Ive heard LGBT activists try say we are ALL sexual beings. Its like the majority of people just cant believe someone could not actually be interested in sex or sexually attracted. Ugh I just hate this society. Sick of sex everywhere. Its especially that more hard being a non-libidoist Asexual. 🙁

  50. Brilliantly stated. I cannot honestly say I'm asexual but I have spells of it. Perhaps bisexual, pansexual or something along the queer, trans, non-binary route if that were possible. Personally, I think it is. Gradually, the fence of exclusion, will be pulled down. We have to put our everything into the fight.   LGBTIAPQ… excuse the letter placement here. Lumping ourselves with the traditional  L&G costs the rest of  us financially and socially. To add to the torment there  is the  daily mis-gendering, racism, transphobia  and isolationism that persists in the name of 'pride' at and around its  events. However I feel in order to change such attitudes those of us on the fringes need to insist on  visibility by attending such enclaves en mass. Your vlogs are informative!!! Thank you.

  51. I love how calm you discuss things. It's very relaxing and I love to listen to you.
    Your videos always cheer me up!

  52. I had to delete tumblr after seeing how they attacked me for being ace. Over and over they called me "cis ace" and how I didn't belong to be in the community and other crap.

    Honestly, LGBT doesn't have a say in who claims what. I wanted to be in a community where I was accepted, but instead I've had nearly two nervous breakdowns because of the negative comments.

    I have been supporting LGBT since I was 10. Now….I see they have a standard. It makes me cry honestly.

  53. A few decades ago the LGBT community was the Gay & Lesbian community, and they did not accept transsexuals. It was more recently that intersexuals were added to LGBTQ. Speak up, educate, write articles, talk to people, and in time Asexuals will be accepted by the LGBTQI community. It's a case of ignorance, not malice. Great video !

  54. +SuperIcelight The defintion of Asexuality is a LACK of sexual attraction to male or female. It does NOT describe who we are attracted to. It describes who we are NOT attracted to. Therefore it is not an orientation as we are not sexually orientated to anyone. Use basic logic. And if someone has romantic feelings towards someone, then there is a name for that and they are still kinda straight. And if they have romantic feelings for the same sex but not sexual, they are Ace but still gay.

  55. I've always considered Asexuals & Asexuality as part of the LGBTQA+ community, because to me, the LGBTQA+ community is anyone who is not straight, or not the "norm." Just my personal opinion as a homosexual man.

  56. I'm asexual and I believe that all aces are part of the LGBTQ community (heteroromantics included; I'm panromantic, BTW.)

  57. I totally agree with you, I'm ace and I always feel left out with everything to do with LGBTQ+, it's honestly not fair, we really need to raise ace awareness

  58. +MrMasterDebate Youre wrong. There is a difference between orientation and sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is purely how you relate to others sexually that you are sexually attracted to. The definition of Sexual Orientation is even… a person's sexual identity in relation to the gender to which they are ATTRACTED. Asexuals are neither attracted sexually to male or female, therefore they have no sexual orientation. They may have a romantic orientation but not a sexual one.

  59. Your speaking nothing but truths and facts, girl! being an asexual myself, I completely understand where your coming from. Ya know, showing your colors without getting a negative reaction, and I'm already horribly anti social why would I come out my way, to be descriminated? Thank you for adressing this, really. The world needs more people like you. 🙂💕

  60. Out of curiosity, I looked up the movie "Gayby" and found an interview in which one of the creators described his character as "not some kind of weirdo asexual." (Please tell me this isn't a real interview)

    Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/07/movies/jonathan-lisecki-on-his-film-gayby.html

  61. i'm terrified to even talk about being ace online because the one time i did (posted a rant about someone who was abusive to me because of my sexuality, expecting it to only be seen by other aces who might give me support), i got like 5 anons telling me, a mentally ill person, to kill myself. and i live in latin america and there's no lgbtq+ centres or anywhere/anyone i've met who even knows what asexuality even is. so all those haters have made me so extremely nervous to even TALK ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES online for fear of being attacked, and the only time i talked about it offline i WAS attacked. it sucks a LOT

  62. I feel this video so much, honestly, I've never felt very connected to the community. When I attempted to feel connected I felt wrong for the attempt. I've come to just be comfortable in not being a part of it. I know some ace people really feel connected and that's great but I just don't.

  63. if the lgbt community hate aces so much then why don't they get rid of the "a" in their acronym. all it does is cause confusion to whether it stands for "ace/aro" or "ally". and then when someone yells to you that "tHE 'a' sTaNDs FoR aLLy NoT AcE!!!1", the community just looks flat out hypocritical to allow in cis, heterosexual, STRAIGHT people in the community yet not allow people who do not experience romantic and sexual attraction and actually have struggles with their sexual and/or romantic attraction as it is not considered "the norm".

    the only thing that i agree with the people who often police aces out of the LGBT community is that they are not "queer". this is true that they are not queer if they are cis and do not experience same gender attraction.

  64. I identify as demisexual-bisexual and sometimes i dont feel welcomed in neither graysexual aspectrum community or bisexual community because of how i identify myself if i say just bisexual ppl think 'betraying demisexuals and eraesing other types of attraction' and I dont but the types of atraction i feel almost never include romantic just aestetic or sensual by the way if identify as demisexual biromantic I feel im sharing the misunderstand of bisexuality that bisexuals like everyone and stuff
    Im confused

  65. I have always considered asexuals to be part of the lgbt + community. I am a homoromantic asexual and always felt deeply connected to the lgbt+ community until many other people said that asexuals were not inherently lgbt because the majority of asexuals are cis and heteroromantic. I guess as an asexual I wasn't queer enough and could not be a part of this "exclusive club" or whatever.

  66. I would say, labels are made to give a word to the way someone feels.
    This label makes them part of some kind of community as well. There are people who refuse the label, because they don´t think they need or want it.
    We rarely hear about them, since they do not out themselves or search for anything related to their identity, since they only do whatever they feel is right for them.

    I think it should be the same for the LGBT+ community.
    The community was build to connect people who were refused by the society because of their sexual orientation.
    I´d say, if someone wants to be part of the community, they should be allowed to. This goes for allies as well, I believe.
    If someone refuses to be a part of it (as it happens to with internalized homophobia as one famous example), they should not have to.
    This is a community supposed to connect people and create a bond between people regardless of their identity.
    This is a connection that cannot be forced. Like love itself.

  67. When you mentioned the Gayby movie thing mentioning the "A" not belonging, are you sure they meant 'Asexual' and not 'ally'? I'm just asking because I've heard people saying that the A in the LGBTQIA means 'ally' or 'asexual' depending on who you ask. And honestly, I guess it wouldn't matter because we're still being erased either way and such a statement would suggest that allies are more important than asexuals are. Damn… I hate late epiphanies.

  68. (7:00–7:30)
    If you want asexuals to be represented at pride events then go and show asexual pride at the event even if you mind your own… it has to start with someone (or rather many people have to be brave enough to start it)
    I think asexuals have an identity to be proud of and we can certainly be pheeenomenal allies
    many of them seem smart and analytical we could be a lot of good support for lgbt and for ourselves…
    You mentioned a lot of poor representation in the events, throughout the video
    You representing will encourage other aces to rep and other identities to rep as well
    The reason pride is soo… the way it is is because it’s the way the way it is always been, because it is the majority, and because it started as a result of there being actual laws that oppress them
    great vid btw 🙂

  69. The LGBT community are a bunch of elitist whiny babies who are largely and ironically rigid thinkers. They themselves refuse to believe in ''Asexuality and Asexuality discrimination''.

  70. In all honesty, I never felt like I was part of LGBT but I guess I never felt the need to be. Never been to a pride event a single time in my life but I am Asexual. Inclusion to me was never a necessity to me but admittedly it would’ve been a major plus. Friends and family come and go in my life so I guess I have grown numb to rejection or departure and ran out of fucks to give. I’m in no way sad but in a weird way at peace which took most of my life so far to get to. I like me and that’s all I need. I definitely understand why you would feel rejection in the way you do though. People trying to make their case any more important than somebody else and telling them they have less a right to speak are not a friend of mine. If you feel the need to speak you have every right to speak.

  71. Nonsense, i know a trans asexual person personally. I know this video is old but i had to comment on this.

  72. Your opinions are fleshed-out and well presented. You have a really calming presence that helps you to deconstruct complex topics into easily understood sections. It’s extremely refreshing, to say the least. Thank you!

  73. I've been lucky to find some accepting (or just friendly?) LGBTQ people but it definitely feels like you're just tolerated than welcomed as part of the community. I mean, my friends are awesome people that include me, I just mean certain publicized LGBT narratives and people.

  74. Tbh we should just have our own community, we have so many inner categories as it is so why not! I dont want to be classified as lgbt anyways lol. But thats just me, thoughts anyone?

  75. I see asexuals as allies to the LGBTQ community, asexuals are a minority and because of that I feel solidarity with other minorities.

  76. I'm a heteroromantic asexual. I live in a small town in Northern BC, Canada. Our tiny LGBTQ+ community here was so respectful and helpful to me, and I will be forever greatful for their acceptance.
    I am 34yrs old, and only realized my asexuality 6 months ago.
    The largest challenge I face today is explaining to people what asexuality is. 99% of the people I talk to don't even know what it is. And many don't believe me when I tell them. It was trying enough to come to terms with being ACE, especially at my age where I would like to have a partner and a family one day. But finding nobody to talk to about it was even more depressing and crushing.
    My local LGBTQ+ was the best resource and support available. It was THEM that introduced me to AVEN, and it was THEM who actually got me in touch with another ACE in my hometown.
    I totally understand that the LGBTQ community has been fighting against oppression, and I don't wish to take that away or diminish it in anyway.
    But, had I not been accepted nor supported by my local LGBTQ+ community, I do not know what kind of terrible downward spiral I might have found myself in. I was devastated, depressed, I had lost hope, I wanted to run away. I so desperately did NOT want to be me anymore.
    I guess what I'm saying is that while asexuals may not necessarily be facing oppression like general members of the community, we most definitely face other challenges which can be quite devastating to our own mental health.

    I always thought that the main goal of the LGBTQ community was to spread awareness, and provide support for those who are not heterosexual. Well, I'm NOT heterosexual, I'm NOT gay. Within the context of sexuality I am an oddball and unusual. Does this not make me queer? And is "queer" not an umbrella term for the community in it's entirety?

    I find it ironic that some LGBTQ members, who have been fighting for a respectful status in society and for acknowledgement within, can turn their backs on human beings, many of whom have nowhere to turn and nobody to talk to, especially considering that asexuals make up approx. 1% of the population.

  77. I know it's all late but I wanted to say that ace exclusionists and acephobia among LGBT+ exists. I'm harassed by a lesbian who is an acephobe for the second day in a row. It all started under a post from Twitter about aces belonging in lgbt+. It was a positive post all along until I met this person that disagreed with everything. All of their replies literally implied that lgbt+ was an oppression contest, and so who gets more oppressed. It lasted a good moment, and when they realized they lost in the argument, they went out of their to steal my own art (and my friend's who stood by my side) and claimed them as their own. This is a second day it lasts and they keep on harassing me behind my back, calling me things for simply reporting them for harassment and stealing mine and my friend's art.

  78. The rainbow flag is the gay flag. So as a person who’s not gay you’re not represented by the flag.

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