Is Net Neutrality a Communist Plot? (Satire: “Declassified DoD Film”)


There are many ways in which we guard America
from its enemies. We protect America in space … In the air … And we protect those whom we hold most dear. But evil forces are at work in our great country —
a vast left wing conspiracy bent on destroying the American way of life through the communist red menace of Net Neutrality. The Internet that we all depend upon is a
finely engineered instrument — maintained and guarded mainly by elite military personnel. Like millions of sewer pipes connected with
care — precision — and a minimum of duct tape the Internet is vital to our country’s economy
and defense. But now, violent, scheming rabble-rousers are attempting
to tear asunder that which we have so carefully built. They are even attempting to undermine our own
patriotic Federal Communications Commission. What is it about Net Neutrality that makes
it such an insidious horror? That doesn’t really matter. All you really need to
know is what sorts of people lead the effort to spread the scourge of Net Neutrality. These are men who would enslave us by turning the
Internet into an instrument for their own depravities. Men who don’t even look very much like us. Men with very little hair. Men with too much hair. These Marxist, communist, raving fanatics must
not be permitted to succeed in their hideous Net Neutrality scheme — a plan which poses the
gravest threat to our great country since fluoridation. With your help — and God’s we will continue to operate the Internet our
way — secure in righteous American hands. And ensure that the Internet remains a vital instrument
of vast profits for our giant ISPs the powerful Internet Service Providers who
have made our country the envy of the world. This is our mission — our purpose — our destiny. America demands and deserves not one iota less.




Comments
  1. Net Neutrality : another insidious plot by the same people who deprived us of the Real Freon, and who now seek to block the many benefits provided by a steady flow of radioactive electrons to our homes via nuclear power plants.

    Next on their list: bacon! Mark my words, America. Dark days are upon us.
    This insanity must stop!

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