I'm Sorry



it's been brought to my attention that many of the comments videos an overall tenor and tone of this program have been considered hurtful and offensive to many and while not in violation of policy guidelines certainly started the line of human decency I along with everyone here at ladder with Crowder I'm not above recognizing my mistakes and attempting to rectify them so I'd like to take this opportunity to formally apologize to all parties involved firstly my heartfelt apologies to practicing socialists offended by the Che Guevera socialism is for FIGS t-shirt I know that we should fight bad ideas with good ideas and respectfully debate the merits virtues and shortcomings of socialism as opposed to merely mocking it with a hysterical t-shirt available at Lara's credit shop calm also my apologies to the Nabisco corporation and their Fig Newton subsidiary I would also like to apologize to Drake the rapper for referring to him as a quote butter-soft bitch and claiming that his only redeeming quality as a performer was when he was shot into permanent paralysis on Degrassi I'd also like to apologize to Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg from plying that she's long been deceased and even though I don't have verifiable proof to the contrary I do realize my observations were conducted in poor taste and ill-timed I also apologized for pant Ellis's remarks implying that she looks like a cartoon snail librarian to UFC heavyweight champion Daniel Cormier I'm sorry for describing your fighting style as that of a quote hairless baby filled with hate Daniel Cormier I'm sorry I'd also like to retract my comment about representative dan Crenshaw implying that his mug shot would quote resemble that of an angry pirate shift manager in a Brooks Brothers catalog store and that would be quote the stuff of children's nightmares to my dear friend and esteemed colleague Ben Shapiro I sincerely apologize for implying that you're a greedy shekel hoarder words matter and while I swear I'm an greedy in a good way I see now how it might have been misconstrued Ben Shapiro I'm sorry while discussing my good friend and esteemed colleague Ben I'd also like to apologize for implying that his tumblers spread cancer even though there's a distinct possibility that they do spread cancer the science has to be conclusively settled and until it is I should be more respectful the number two drinking vessel and conservatism I apologize also an apology to the Jewish community at large for wrongly pointing out that while they've achieved great success in the realm of medicine finance and technology God's chosen people have yet to present a viable athlete with a vertical jumping capability greater than that of a fourth-grade child Jews were sorry also I apologise to the Palestinian people for stating that they were a quote backwards people from an imaginary country that never really existed because none of the Muslims wanted you Palestine I'm sorry I apologize to General Motors for stating that their cars were unreliable rattle boxes and that I quote wouldn't drive a Chevy Volt if I needed to get to the emergency room and my dick was on fire GM I'm sorry apologies to the Sicilian community for in poor taste stating that while they were technically Italian if they examine their family tree closely enough there was a strong likelihood that they quote find a black man hiding behind their woodshed somewhere I'd like to issue an apology to Tess holiday for incorrectly implying that her blood type was biologically comparable to that of pudding she's both brave and beautiful and I should have done more to celebrate that also an apology to the jell-o pudding corporation for associating their product with Tess Holliday finally apologies to aquatic mammals for comparing them to test holiday as well speaking of our aquatic mammalian community I would like to apologize to Amy Schumer whom I've implied to be grossly overweight dangerously promiscuous and reprehensibly unfunny we should remember her when she was at her best at a point where she was funny I'd like to formally apologize to Vice President Joe Biden for stating that he is quote the kind of guy who would have his bachelor party hosted at a Chuckie Cheese I would also like to apologize for a poorly timed and distasteful Biden grab-ass spongebob cartoon parody also apologies to Nick at night to my half-asian lawyer bill Richman I would like to apologize for the insinuation that his billable hours exceed those actually worked as well as accusing him of covering hopper and dry rub in preparation for Mongolian fusion barbeque half-asian bill I'm sorry I'd like to ask for forgiveness from the hodgetwins for comparing them to quote the Kriss Kross guys all grown up on anavar my deepest apologies to Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for comparing him to a glistening vagina even when we disagree we should be more mindful of our world leaders and the great burden they carry on their lips also I apologise to vaginas everywhere for comparing them wrongfully to Justin Trudeau vaginas serve a viable useful and pleasant purpose seeing as I do not have one I now understand that I am not entitled to an opinion on their goings on finally I would like to apologize to the city of Quebec for this mustache I'm sorry to Dave Rubin for in sensitively pointing out that he is quote the most boring domesticated gay man since Rock Hudson played doctor with Gomer Pyle and to my employee colleague and my dear friend Brautigan I apologize for insinuating that even though I would love him just the same his uncomfortable enthusiasm for both Taylor Swift and the pitch-perfect franchise led me to believe that he was a blatant practicing homosexual or at the very least a little bi rot again I'm sorry I'd like to formally apologize to the Bob Ross estate for tarnishing his legacy with a portrayal of Muhammad's likeness subsequently painting in period blood and finally painting his legal team is eating from a corn infest and pile of fecal matter alongside the holiest of prophets Muhammad peace be upon him I apologize to the drag queen story time for trampling on what was solely intended to be an educational and family-friendly experience at the Houston public library with sex offenders I'd like to take a moment to apologize to Planned Parenthood for quitting their sales tactics with that of a used car salesman with our installments crazy Pete's abortion barn both one and two along with crazy Pete's embryonic stem cell Emporium I'd also like to apologize to used-car salesmen everywhere who work hard and form the backbone of this society's working class and they did nothing to invite this unwarranted comparison also a second apology to Planned Parenthood is in order for deceiving them into the false notion that Stefan Crowder was indeed a real pregnant trans woman I would also like to apologize to the woman who's pregnant urine was used in said video illicitly obtained on a Craigslist advertisement and not being forthright with the urines intended purpose speaking of Stephanie I'd like to formally apologize to state senator Wendy Davis for deceiving her into believing that Stephanie was an actual transgender woman attending the Austin women's March miss Davis had a promising political career before being interviewed by Stephanie and I regret the subsequent de railing as a result of such a convincing portrayal I'd also like to take this chance to make amends with Planet Fitness I'm sorry that you two were convinced by my dishonest portrayal and for setting off your lung kalam no less than 18 times I'd like to apologize to Lena Dunham for the constant comparisons for the constant comparisons to her physical appearance in that of Shamu I have since retro actively directed all of my staff to remove all pictures of Lena Dunham in their entirety from our archives to Bruce Lee and his fans I would like to apologize for insinuating that Bruce Lee was an overrated hundred and thirty-five pound weakling bereft of any fighting ability with no actual combat record whatsoever Bruce and fans I apologize my regrets and apologies are expressed to quarterblack Garrett for needlessly insisting that his racial ambiguity act as a focal point in this programming quarterblack Garrett works tirelessly both behind and in front of the cameras and his lifelong inability to find acceptance among the black or white communities of America is far more painful than any mockery I could serve him as punishment I understand that now I'm sorry my apologies to the Motor City Madman Ted Nugent for my statement that his skin resembles and smells like that of bison jerky was originally intended as a compliment I'd like to clarify but I now understand why he might have taken offense I'd also like to apologize to our esteemed president Donald Trump for my ill-timed Trump talk series of videos one of which I as president Trump implied that megyn kelly was a whore I now understand that I was far out of line and we'll leave said methods of attacked with our president in the future I'm sorry mouth megyn n president Trump also apologies to former Secretary Terry of State Hillary Clinton for implying that she couldn't stand her own two feet that she coughed up a lung on more than one occasion for stating that she covered up her husband's alleged rapes and for circulating both mean-spirited and unconfirmed rumors that she was both Houmas lover and a practicing witch like to issue a formal apology to dr. Christine Blasi Ford for not giving her her earned title the respect that it deserves instead simply calling her Christie and I apologize for insinuating that the investigative parties had left her case open to the distinct possibility of her being a quote lying whore dr. Christie I'm sorry I'd also like to issue an apology to the fine people of Great Britain for perpetuating the hurtful stereotype that the British people are incapable of basic dental hygiene my deepest apologies to Alexandria Castillo Cortes for the callous aoc deep thoughts sketch which equates a OC with a bug-eyed cartoon too stupid to form cogent thoughts and may perhaps suffer from a form of early onset dementia which I now know is no laughing matter ever and I apologize to Marvel Comics I would like to apologize for my statement that your catalogue of crappy films was surpassed only by your casting of social justice warrior pussies for calling your standout star infinity twink and to DC Comics I'd like to apologize for saying that you wish you were Marvel I'd like to issue an apology to Bernie Sanders for not only mocking his socialist and authoritarian viewpoints without mercy but also for my own accurate portrayals of him including but not limited to Gilbert Godfrey Bernie dr. Jekyll Bernie rush and commie Bernie professional stripper Bernie and all other Bernie incarnations therein I'd like to apologize to the always stunning and brave Caitlyn Jenner for misgendering her and implying that she is not a real woman also for insinuating with her downstairs resembles that of a crab rangoon also I sincerely apologize for mocking the women's March as quote just another excuse for HR to take a day off work my deepest regrets to the Yorkshire Terriers and the Yorkie enthusiast community for implying that they are not real dogs and quote make good soup also I apologise again to the Asian community for insisting that many of them eat dogs I should be more mindful and tolerant others culture and culinary customs sorry – bret baier Francey doing that his hairs hairline was so low that i couldn't quote tell where his eyebrows ended and forehead begins i apologize to noted hip-hop star MC bulletproof for within 24 hours of his untimely death stating in jest that quote apparently god's sided with his notorious rival MC armor-piercing bullets and now see that it was both heal timed and performed in poor taste I'm sorry to my good friend Andrew Clavin for my statements regarding my requirement in wearing quote solar eclipse glasses just to look in the general direction of his gleaming bald skull and subsequently following it up with the implication that quote he would make a great Captain America villain in 2014 a joke appeared in this program which was written as follows if an angry feminist is raped in a forest with no one near to here is she still heinous ly unattractive I'd like to apologize for that joke to the victims of sexual assault as well as the Japanese people and vibrant culture of the haikyuu community for both our appropriation and our insensitivity I'd also like to apologize to BuzzFeed for saying that they were staffed by quote failed English majors with multiple pokemon tattoos that belong to a secret buzz cut at lesbian motorcycle chain gang buzz feet I'm sorry I'd also like to say that I'm sorry to brian Stelter for implying that he resembled a Barney from The Simpsons if he were on an episode of queer I also for a writer pen tells his observation that quote for a talking penis he lacks charisma apologies to John Kasich for describing him as an annoying wiener and the kind of guy who would show up uninvited to a party with a warm case of Zima as well as implying that his hair quote resembled that of a newly birthed baby bird in a BP oil spill sticking with the 2016 primary an apology to Carly Fiorina for in our cartoon debate allowing john Kasich's character to imply that her womb was barren i need to issue an apology I now realize this was offensive to the bear and wound community and that miss Fiorina is of course not amongst them also – dr. ben Carson I have apologized for implying that he quote sound like a Jim Henson character who required the game be turned up on his log of the Lear microphone I also apologized to Senator Rand Paul for comparing his haircut to quote those little bristles on a toilet brush in our company greenroom restroom Senator Rand Paul I'm sorry I humbly apologize to feminist scholar Naomi wolf for insinuating that a true frog did it I apologize to feminist scholar Naomi Wolf she deserves the right apology for insinuating that a true strong feminist would when appearing on a national broadcast quote at least have the foresight to charge her phone apologies to the uncircumcised community at large for implying that their members look like a quote Chinese finger trap or one of those quote toys silicon bags you would buy at the local Dollar Tree which constantly slips out of your hands to Johnny Mathis I apologize for stating that while he is immensely talented that due to his setting of high school record track meets he was quote the worst kind of queer because you could never outrun him I apologized to Don Lemon as well for implying that he looks like a dead Johnny Mathis and is aging faster than a paddling from the Dark Crystal I apologize to the Young Turks for the following Ana Kasparian for showing both the before and after picture of your rhinoplasty surgery and for calling you a brace traitor for sitting alongside in Armenian Genocide and I are all these years to the homosexual buzz Quetta gentlemen I apologize for never having learned your proper name I also like I would also like to apologize to chanc Weger for crashing his south-by-southwest panel as chanc Weger to the immigrant community I would like to apologize for the implication that illegally entering this country is a recognized crime by definition making one a criminal I would also like to apologize to the Latin Kings ms-13 as well as the Bloods and the Crips for insisting that they were violent gangs and closeted homosexuals when in fact they have served as protectors and pillars of their community for decades past and hopefully yet to come I'd like to issue an apology to Tom Jones for sitting it on his early television program his pants were so tight that it quote looked like he was attempting to smuggle a deformed energetic mushroom I apologize to the Hells Angels for claiming that I quote couldn't pick them out from a lineup full of Folsom street fights to Jessi Smollett for our segment of what a piece of Jessi Smollett edition which now is hovering over 1.9 million views I hope it never hits 2 million the link is in the description mr. Smollett I'm sorry I apologize to Nathan Phillips for implying that he looked like a toothless meth head and denigrating the rich Native American tradition of self-discovery by referring to it as a quote methamphetamine quest I also apologized to the good people of Harley Davidson for referring to their bikes as quote overpriced penis compensation devices that spend more time in the garage and they ever do between the legs of the closeted cher fan who was stupid enough to purchase it harley purchasers and riders I'm sorry I would also like to apologize to Bill O'Reilly for including him and no less than 21 photoshop's was either directly affirmed or indirectly insinuated the now known to be completely baseless allegations of a sexual misconduct and to Eric Bolling I apologize for including him and no less than 14 have said photoshop's insinuating him as an accomplice when asked to remove these photo shops I'd like to apologize for hastily and lazily pasting over the clear Eric Bolling photograph with Kevin Spacey's face while subsequently including his images hidden easter eggs for photo shops in the months to come I apologize to the people of Detroit for denigrating the city's policies architecture infrastructure citizens and culture with relentless regularity and vigor not only going so far as to shoot multiple videos there but even going so far as to campaign for them to be annexed to Canada and relieve America of the greatest metropolitan stain in our nation's history I would also like to apologize to the country of Canada for subsequently and actively lobbying that we bomb them or is never something of which we should make light also apologies to the Canadian military for implying that their Air Force consisted of quote nothing more than a single propeller Blaine with a 22 rifle and belittling the great contributions made delivering the world of tyranny through their notable peacekeeping sir I apologize to the country of India in its entirety for keeping up forever you lie on it in the streets should not be a litmus test of whether your country is to be considered among the developed world while on the subject I'd like to apologize to California for the same reason I apologize to the gay community for pointing out making jokes regarding the statistics that reflect aids as being virtually an entirely homosexual disease in the modern world in failing to point out the additional single-digit contribution rate from recycled hypodermic needle users I did a great disservice to our audience in robbing them of accurate and potentially helpful reporting I apologize to YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki I'm I'm sorry for not only wrongly implying her to be a leftist authoritarian but for unflattering portrayals of her as performed by quarterblack Garrett max missed the PA and none other than Clint Howard I'd like to apologize to Paul Joseph Watson for stating that he quote looked like the high school bully in an early 90s teen film also to Sean Hannity for implying that he looks like Fred Flintstone incarnate and has a Fripp has a head like a refrigerator and – Matt Iseman for making fun of his favorite band Creed like to apologize to Harvey Weinstein for stating that he has an unhealthy attraction to ficus plants which was a terrible and poorly way poorly worded way to speak of Jennifer Lawrence I'd like to apologize to Glenn Beck for sitting that his bit where he stuck his face and the Cheetos was quote as funny as testicular cancer I'd like to apologize to both the burrowing owl and its conservation community there in who have suffered needlessly from my tireless assault on this animal which has led to both its increased capture and placement on the endangered species list I should have never referred to the burrowing owl as quote an abomination that natural selection would have eliminated if not for useless patchouli wearing Birkenstocks lesbian activists with too much time on their hands I'd like to apologize to a majority of the world's Islamic fundamentalists for the apt but poorly worded comparison and that they were quote pretty much just Nazis who beat their wives I would like to apologize to both the National work nationalist work I would like to apologize to both the nationalist Socialist Workers Party of Germany as well as the organisation of breastfeeding mothers of Germany for my unflattering and historically inaccurate portrayal of tranny breastfeeding Adolf Hitler well that was not my intended goal I now realize that my portrayal has led only to the increased stigmatization of public breastfeeding as well as the Nazi Party finally I would like to apologize for the use of all of the following racially sexually and generally prettily charged pejorative nouns and/or ejectives that have been used on this program homo coloured queer to Rear Admiral buzz cut at lesbian chain gang kind of chip starfish and Mexican I think I think that about covers it again I would like to issue my sincerest apologies and if I forgotten anybody please list your grievances in the comments below I'll be sure to get back to you with great haste thank you




Comments
  1. hahahahahahaha there's only one Steven crowder lol….love u bro……fly over to the UK and do a video

  2. OMG!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£ I about fell off my chair. On behalf of GM, I accept your appology. There is a reason we no longer build the Volt.

  3. this is like when Tyrion Lannister asked to confess his crimes! PRICELESS πŸ˜­πŸ’€πŸ˜­πŸ’€πŸ’€

  4. Very funny but he stole this straight from Tyrion Lannister when he was on trial with his father. Lmao! Great stuff!

  5. What's with these videos of Owen Benjamin saying Steve owes gay Jared money and won't pay him and he fucked over Sven bot . I'm just confused because Owen is on the opening scene montage on Louder with Crowder but he talks so much shit about this program . Cheers.

  6. Epically Fucking Hilarious… Minds of Leftists, all over our nation, are short circuiting at this moment. Only Crowder could come up with stuff this good.

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