If You Don’t Know, Now You Know: Russia & China | The Daily Show


Russia. For decades, the Soviet superpower has been
America’s number one rival. There was
the Cuban Missile Crisis, meddling in the 2016 elections, and on Twitter,
they challenged Tom Cruise to an MMA fight,
and nobody can figure out why. And just when we thought Russia’s antics couldn’t get
any crazier, a few days ago, they pulled
this move on the high seas. We begin this evening
with a dangerously close call on the high seas
between a Russian destroyer and a U.S. warship. Those ships coming
within feet of one another, forcing the Americans
to take drastic action to avoid a disastrous collision. MAN 2: This image capturing
just how close the ships came
to a catastrophic collision. As little as 50 feet,
according to the U.S. Navy. This video from the deck
of the U.S.S. Chancellorsville showing the Russian destroyer
was so close, you could see Russian sailors
sunbathing on the deck. -(laughter)
-Sweet lord. (laughter) Russians are hardcore. You realize these ships are
about to crash into each other. American soldiers are like,
“Prepare for breach!” And the Russian soldiers
are like, “Dmitri, take off your shirt.” (laughter) “Let’s get suntan
before we die, yeah. Don’t want to meet Jesus
as pasty bitch.” (laughter) But this is pretty crazy, man. This is pretty crazy. A Russian warship
basically tried to ram into an American ship
in the middle of the ocean. All right,
and let’s be honest. That had to be on purpose. What other excuse is there? Do you know
how big the ocean is? You have to really
go out of your way to collide with someone. It’s like walking into someone
at Ted Cruz’s birthday party. There’s no one else there. You did you it on purpose. (laughter) Now the question is,
the question is, where would Russia get the balls to play chicken
against America in the Pacific? Well, maybe
it’s because they’ve got a new and powerful BFF. MAN: Just as President Trump
was meeting with America’s most important
allies in Europe, two of America’s
biggest adversaries were holding court in Moscow. It was a split screen
tailor-made by Russian president
Vladimir Putin. Putin hosted
Chinese president Xi Jinping. Xi calling Putin his
“best and bosom friend,” saying he cherished
their deep friendship. MAN 2: The two enjoying
a leisurely boat ride in St. Petersburg yesterday. That’s right. Xi and Putin
have gotten so close, they’re even taking boat rides
together. And not just a normal boat ride. Putin even helped Xi recreate
that scene from Titanic. He was like, “Yeah.
I’m king of the world! No. really.
China’s taking over the world!” So it’s clear, China and Russia
are really hitting it off, because you only take
a boat ride with someone if you really, really like them,
or if they’re enslaving you. But this is “liking.” Oh, and if… if you think Putin giving Xi a boat ride
is impressive, wait until you see
what Xi gave Putin in return. The leader’s visit also includes
some panda diplomacy. MAN:
During their summit, Putin and Xi showed off
their friendship with a visit to the Moscow Zoo,
where they welcomed two new Chinese pandas,
a gift from Xi to Russia. MAN: I mean, China likes you,
one of the signs of that, -you know…
-WOMAN: Alliance? MAN: …good-good alliance
and good feelings is to present you with a panda.
Russia got two. That’s right.
China gave not one, but two pandas to Russia. Which is huge. Yeah. ‘Cause one panda
can’t make babies. Two pandas also can’t,
but there’s hope. -(laughter)
-And remember, China only gives pandas
to countries when they wish to be
close allies with them, right? They actually call it
“Panda Diplomacy.” This is a real thing.
Panda Diplomacy. Not to be confused
with Panda Express Diplomacy, where I convince them
to let me use the bathroom even though
I didn’t buy anything. And technically–
this is interesting– technically, China didn’t give
Russia the pandas, right? The Russians just get to keep
the pandas for a few years. Yes. Which, by the way, applies
to every panda in the world. Yeah. China owns
every single panda at the world. So at some point
they have to go home. And I guess it’s because China doesn’t want the pandas
forgetting their Chinese roots. Imagine if you let a panda stay
in New Jersey for too long, huh? Yeah. Then when the panda
gets back to China, he’s like, “‘Ey, what the
(bleep) is this bamboo? ‘Ey! “How about some gabagool
or a nice fettuccine? Marone!” Anyway, I could talk
about pandas all day, but the point is, China and
Russia are getting super close, and the consequences for America
go beyond boat rides and cute bears. NEWSMAN: While Russia and China
continue to strengthen their economic ties,
they’re also expanding their military cooperation. Chinese troops taking part
in massive drills with Russian forces last year. The level of cooperation
between Russia and China has not been this high
since the mid-1950s. They are combining forces
against us. NEWSMAN:
They say Russia and China can coordinate cyberattacks and military moves that can
knock U.S. forces off balance. Oh, man.
China and Russia teaming up against the United States? I mean, America could probably
handle China… or Russia, but not both at the same time. Like, imagine if in Rocky IV,
Ivan Drago was fighting, and then Jackie Chan jumped
in the ring to help him. Huh? That would be
the end of Rocky. It would be done.
There’d be no Rocky V, no Rocky Balboa, no Rocky Goes to Space, no Rocky
and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and definitely
no 50 Shades of Rocky. -None of those movies.
-(laughter) Now, beyond geopolitics, the personal elements
of this bromance is probably something
that’s gonna bug Donald Trump. Because, don’t forget, he wants
to be a part of this club. He loves those dudes. We know how much
he admires Putin. He talks all the time
about he and Xi Jinping (like Trump):
are great friends. So to see his two besties
make plans without him, that’s… that’s got to hurt. Yeah. And I don’t think that
he’s dealing with his feelings in the most mature way. NEWSMAN: U.S. President
Donald Trump is threatening new tariffs on another
$300 billion in Chinese goods. This if President Xi Jinping
doesn’t meet with him at the upcoming G20 Summit. -Wow. Really, Trump?
-(laughter) He’s gonna put tariffs on China if Xi doesn’t
“hang out” with him? That is so childish. (like Trump): If you
don’t come over to my house and play video games,
then tariffs. And I get to be player one
the whole time. And what is it
with Trump using tariffs in every legal situation? Have you guys noticed this?
In every situation, Trump is using
tariffs now, right? Illegal immigration.
Tariffs on Mexico. Xi Jinping won’t have
a playdate? Tariffs on China. Melania won’t hold his hand
in public. Tariffs on Slovakia! (like Melania): But, Donald,
I am from Slovenia. (like Trump): I don’t care!
Pronounce it any way, -still tariffs.
-(laughter) So look, it’s clear
what’s happening here. President Trump… you’re feeling neglected
by President Xi. But instead of lashing out, why don’t you work
on your relationship, man? You know? Forget tariffs.
Maybe talk to Xi. Tell him how you’re feeling. And if that doesn’t work, try
and spice things up, you know? Yeah. Dress up as something
you know China’s really into. -Yeah.
-(laughter) Who could resist?




Comments
  1. What more US also doesn't want India to buy S-400, or else threaten every now and then for sanctions. All the more reasons to push away.

  2. I was in an American plane holder. The soldiers were literally have sun taning time. Why not? Not to much to do been there is not war time. It was in the 90st

  3. The end is near china and Russia are planning an invasion. We have no allies Japan and Europe won't fight for the us.

  4. The "Steele dossier" from a Russian spy, was given to Hilary, who gave it to Muller, to start a fake investigation based on lies……..
    The intention was to prevent Trump from becoming prez., and the FBI, and the deep state were in on it.
    so, yes Russia did meddle in the election process, through the democrats.

  5. Lol this is why Americans will die and the world will take over.. they don't even respect their own president

  6. Russia & China: Let's built rockets, nuclear power, & high-tech spy-hackers unit.
    Western world: Let's have a 6 genders LGBTQIAPK parade.

  7. Maybe it’s the other way round Trevor…. atleast the Russians are sun bathing unlike the Americans who start shitting bricks – ohhhhh they were gonna crash mom – for f€$%k says Trevor – loved the Russian accent though!

  8. That's okay. They've always been friends. We have better, stronger friends and more of them. Infact one of our friends has actually kicked the ever-loving crap out of both of them in the last century.

  9. TAIWAN IS RUSSIAN TERRITORY!!! TAIWAN IS NOT A COUNTRY!!! PRESIDENT PUTIN SHOULD ARREST GOVERNOR TSAI OF TAIWAN IMMEDIATELY AND BRING TAIWAN BACK UNDER RUSSIAN CONTROL!!!!

  10. trevor makes fun of this, but we in the philippines are really worried about the situation in our PAG ASA island. We cannot convince our President to fight against China to take back our lands, now we feeling more and more afraid because the more time we let china to stay on that island more and more fishermen will be harassed by Chinese authorities and those artillery they're building will be destructive. Now they're teaming up with Russia. The moment Duterte will go down to his Presidency, and if that is the only time we fight for Pag-asa, we (poor citizens) will probably be hit by an upcoming war in w/c we cannot win of course.

  11. You are spitting trash, Trevor. You are speaking FoxTv language. Dig deeper into nuances before you go out like this. You know no history or facts. You are superficial like your AOC.

    An Average Russian can make an American intellect look like a retard. They are intelligent, strong, skilled and beyond your understanding.
    SideNote:This is an Indian talking, who has probed beyond surface.

  12. United States ace in the hole is Trumps Tariffs and Sanctions no Democracy and other countries are catching the game ..

  13. China gave an endangered animal as a gift to Russia. This poor creature has to live in a different climate and country. How clever is China and how wise of Russia to accept!

  14. 伙计 我是个中国人。我不懂英文。。。但是看到这个视频的展示图片 我笑了,然后点了进来。。。。。 Hey, buddy

  15. Starts off with Russian Meddling in election BULLSHIT ( ZioMasonic writers at work ) and gets a laugh for Cruise MMA fight

    Muhaha ooooo Trevaaaa you so funny

  16. You can joke about this but don't worry, they all have a nice talk in between the tarifs and all of them and their close friends know exactly what they are talking doing playing. They earn shitload of money off the tarif threats and stock moves.
    Week x Trump on twitter: Yeah he is a good friend me and ping had a good talk.
    Next week Trump on twitter: Tarifs on China
    Trump and friends including Chineese buddy and the. his friends and them he tells to Russian Buddy and his friends whats the deal: PROFIT.
    And we are the suckers eating the bullshit and having a laugh while they earn millions and millions on shorting on stockmarket.In the meantime If Elon Musk said something related to Tesla on twitter, he and Tesla got millions in fine.
    Yep, we can all have a laugh about it.

  17. Two governments are friends because of the common interests but Chinese and Russians don’t really like each.as a Chinese I think we don’t need any friends,we can survive by ourselves

  18. And people said those years of russian classes I took in school would be for nothing. We about to get taken over.

  19. They are getting ready to fight the United States and got that damn fool trump sitting back thinking they are his friend because he is a weak mind damn fool Kim made a damn fool out of him to

  20. you were not there, you dont know what happened . and footage is one sided. countries are like little children, who says the americans did not provoke it , be careful spreading miss information

  21. if every country would take care of their animals like China does with their pandas, maybe we wouldn't be losing so many species 😛

  22. Is it just me, or does the president of China have an uncanny resemblance to beloved literary character Winnie the Pooh?

  23. While many stated suggestions in the video above are in a humorous form, there really is a lot of insight in what your saying! After getting rapport with someone, Echo Technique (strategically echoing their words back to them) and (at least approximately) Mirroring and Matching their body language can create some strong synergy, bonding, and overall positive interaction with that person. So the idea of openning up talking and doing something that speaks to the Chinese president's criteria and values according to his standards and definitions may go a ways in establishing a desire in him to open a dialogue. As always, thank you so much for your deep insights and wonderful positive sense of humor.

  24. if Russia china Pakistan iran turkey Qatar join one block than usa nato Israel dollars destroy Russia china Pakistan iran turkey Qatar

  25. And the moment we cave in to civil war, like Putin hopes, Russia and China will start joint operations to attack.

  26. Woooow 2 poor as fuck countries vs the richest on the planet. Yes I’m scared 🙄 in China the people basically nothing because yes, they have a big GDP but too many people. The would need their gdp 5x to be on a similar level. Soo sorry but Idk about their „power“. Drones could bomb them away without a single soldier lol

  27. oh yeah right the Russians are always guilty but please tell me why does the US army and NATO train a fight against a virtual east enemy on polish land (poland wasn’t allowed to join NATO btw) you americans don’t always need to feel like your the world police get the fuck out of Europe no one needs you here playing world police play world police in the mid east

  28. Joke about it all you want. China and Russia getting stronger while most Americans living in their parents basement being keyboard warriors succumbing to their TDS.

  29. Hey, hey, before accusing them of trieing to ram, maybe they forgot to take sunscreen lotion and wanted to ask whethere American navy unit has any to spare

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