Happiness and personal responsibility



you know guys life is a funny thing you know I've made videos talking about the bad things that happen when we externalize our happiness bad things happen when you externalize your happiness so whether it's you know getting that car that you think will make you happy or getting that girlfriend that'll make you happy whatever it is right everyone has their own version of it what I'm saying is that you just still get those things and still be miserable and then the main reason why you're miserable is because you get those things but you have old habits that you're doing so maybe use myself as an example right I thought the number one cause of my misery was my living situation and it was partially responsible but there is all there's all this other that was making me miserable right so now that I'm in a better living situation I'm still not completely happy and the reason I'm not you know happy or the reason I'm not as happy as I can be is because I haven't changed my habit so just to repeat my point you know we can have everything that we want in this world but if we have old habits that are persisting in that new situation it'll make us miserable so my old habits are waking up too late staying up too late not getting out of the house as much as I should I mean like really unhealthy things right if I did all those things I feel like I would be happier but more importantly if I did those things without the distress that often comes along with it I would definitely be happier so really it's not just about changing habits it's not just about changing habits habits it's about getting rid of the distress that comes along with changing your habits which you know seems impossible but the only way to do it is to develop the habit and depending on the habit that you're trying to develop you'll have increasing or decreasing levels of distress that accompany it so let's say you hate public speaking but you're trying to become a better public speaker you can expect to be the there'll be more distress right as opposed to Alan are you trying to be a battle a better basketball player you know I mean obviously that's probably not gonna be as distressing as being a better public speaker you know unless so I can NBA player but well you know let's let's keep it to keep it basic right so that being said for people with social anxiety you know new social settings to be very distressing they find themselves in the same situation over and over and over the distress doesn't go that doesn't go away because I don't I don't really know why I'm not a psychologist I mean my my guess would be they have negative schemas concerning themselves negative I get a beliefs concerning themselves and they project those beliefs under their environment so their environment instead of being this neutral place it becomes this distressing kind of hostile place right so I mean the only the only solution I have for that is you have to do it every day like you have to put yourself in a distressing situation every day and it sounds it sounds scarier than it really is because the the more you combat social anxiety the more you put yourself in a distressing situation potentially in the long term the less distressing it he'd become and I think this is a mistake a lot of people make is that they don't give themselves enough time in order for it to to become less distressing right you know I actually usually I don't like this long walk on Queens Boulevard from the gym because I feel very lonely I pass all these bars and I pass all these restaurants and I see all these people sitting around eating if being happy being normal which is something I very much want for myself but I don't know how to get it I think that the more time you spend in an abnormal situation the more the more you question what normal even is I think you know many many people live in abnormal situations and that becomes their normal I think that was definitely the case for me and as time went on and I made progress I realized that in retrospect my situation wasn't as normal as I thought you know all the excess anxiety all the negative coping mechanisms that became normal for me aren't really normal I don't know like I also don't like the fact that I I feel like I don't have any in real life friends like all my relationships are online because I've either outgrown my friends or you know people stop talking or they've just grown apart and like you don't know how to reach out to people I mean I have something like 400 Facebook friends and I'll talk to I don't talk to any of them so in reality what's the point of having all those friends if you don't talk to them it doesn't really make sense so I don't know I mean if you're watching this and you're in New York City and you're not a serial killer or some other sort of toxic person you could reach out to me maybe we could hang out maybe I could make a friend out of this whole mr. Bhuvan sneak project that I can meet up with because like I need more face time with people I mean the best thing that I did and a long time was create this account because it's getting me to use parts of my brains I don't the parts of my brain that I don't usually use like speaking like self-regulation like all those things that kind of go out the window and you're stressed right so without being with that being said I want to take those skills that I've developed online and use them in real life because that's that's a goal I don't want to I want to live behind a computer my whole life I need to be more proactive in terms of my search for relationships I think it's very easy to use social media as a crutch instead of going out into the real world and facing a real rejection instead of just being blocked by an algorithm or being blocked by by Instagram by someone on Instagram right I feel like if there's anything that this account has taught me it's that I have a lot to offer people under the right circumstances you know I feel like I'm a pretty good communicator I have a lot to say I'm gonna I'm a right photographer I'm alright musician like I have all these skills and I don't use because I don't know if it's fear of failure I don't know if it's fear of rejection it's probably a combination of things I think it's just one thing but like I don't know how to get over these things and I feel like the more I think about it the worse it gets because thinking about it if this is what got me into the situation anyway so I feel like I keep starting off sentences like I feel like I think that you know 2019 is half over and you know I haven't accomplished my goals I think that for the second half of this year I need to do more and think less and you know that sounds sketchy as hell but I feel like if you think as much as I do you know I think you can afford to do a little more doing and little less thinking obviously you need to balance it out but I mean I'm not saying that I'm gonna go out into the world and not think at all life is about balance if you think too much you don't do enough then you're screwed if you do too much you don't think enough and you're screwed so it's like you got to balance it out somehow I'm still learning how to how to do that I think that overthinking can actually very easily become a handicap I know that it has for me




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