God Reads Mean Comments From Angry Religious People

BEETHOVEN, “SYMPHONY NO. 9] [SINGING IN GERMAN] Hello, humans. I’m God. Welcome to The God Show. Please like, comment,
and subscribe. Thank you. OK, and now it’s time for the
mother [BLEEP] me-damn news. [MUSIC PLAYING] Wait, what the [BLEEP]? [BLEEP] What happened to all my [BLEEP]? Where did all my [BLEEP] go? Holy [BLEEP] [BLEEP]. Why am I being bleeped
all of a sudden? Who is [BLEEP] bleeping God? Hey, dad, can we try
something this week? Can you try to
not curse so much? Curse words make my ears bleed. Please? Ugh, Jesus Christ, it was you. [GROANS] OK. This week in the bad news, as
usual, everything is insane and everyone is ff– freaking out. But in the good news,
you’re still alive. Yay. Yay. Ah ha. Yay for that. [MUSIC – GEORGE FRIDERIC HANDEL,
“HALLELUJAH CHORUS”] (SINGING) Hallelujah. Also, um, uh, aren’t
dogs just amazing? Don’t you just love them? They are my proudest
creation, which is why dog is just God backwards. [CHUCKLING] I love doggies. How about cats, huh? [MEOWING] Cats– also good. I love kitties too. OK, enough of the news. Let’s uh– let’s do something
different this week, Jesus. Mm. Let’s open up that damn
mailbag and finally read some thoughts and prayers. What do we got, Jesus? So Dorothy has a complaint. She says “please tell me how
to delete this entire video and block any that that are
sent to me with the God Comedian cartoons!” [LAUGHS] How about no? [LAUGHS] Figuring out how to not look
at things on the internet is your responsibility, OK? If you can’t figure it
out yourself, I’m sorry. You’re just too
stupid to internet. Well, she got stupider. Dorothy said, “unsubscribe me! I resent your view of
religion of any kind. Delete my address
from your list. I don’t like your sense
of so-called humor. Thank you.” [LAUGHS] Again, Dorothy– Ugh. –for forks sake, this
is the internet, OK? You gotta unsubscribe
from your own stuff. It’s not my job. It’s not my freaking job. I’m God, OK? I got enough God-related
stuff to handle as it is. Oh, come on, dad. She said thank you. Yeah, you’re right. She did say thank you, but only
because she needs something from me. Mm. She’s like, unsub. I resent your views. I don’t like your
sense of humor. Basically, I hate
your guts, but please take care of that thing for me. Thanks. [LAUGHS] Yeah, she
genuinely dislikes you at a fundamental level. This is just like
that time you got abandoned by the Israelites. [DRAMATIC MUSIC] Me dammit. Let’s get to the next comment. Donna is not happy with the
direction of your content, God. She says, “you are one
screwed up piece of work. Saw your page, you sick freak.” Oh, no. You saw my page, and your
mind exploded with rage. Sorry. Donna seems pretty mad, Dad. Oh, no. It’s entirely her choice
to be that mad about it. [THUNDER CLAPPING] [ORGAN PLAYING] Besides, I’m not a screwed
up piece of work, OK? I’m fine. I have weekly sessions with all
the best shrinks from history. They all say I’m
totally sane, and this is all normal and good. You’re a stable genius. Yeah. Yeah. OK, let’s move on. So Mike was not happy with our
interview with Abraham Lincoln. He said “Abe Lincoln would
not talk to you, lol. He would just drown your
commie ass via waterboarding.” Ugh. And I see that you
responded with “you’re thinking of George W. Bush.” [CHUCKLES] Ha ha. You murdered him. God, I thought you said
thou shall not kill. Yeah, I owned him, didn’t I? I mean, what the heck, Mike? Abe Lincoln did not drown me. Jesus, did he drown you? No. I went the whole episode
without getting killed. Yeah, congrats on
that, by the way. I mean– Thanks. –it seemed like we had
a perfect interview. It was perfect and good. And Abe really is
disgusted by Trump. [MUSIC – WILLIAM STEFFE, “THE
me the fuck off. Yes. I know things were messed up
in my days, but holy crap. They went and made Mad
King George the president. Good job, a-holes. But he did want
everyone to get along. Do not choose violence. You are not enemies,
but friends. Remain dedicated
to the proposition which was true in my time,
just as it’s true today. Be excellent to each
other and party on, dudes. See? Abe Lincoln is cool. Don’t call me a commie, OK? That comment is so
unoriginal and cringe. Ugh. Jesus and I are not commies, OK? I’m a strict monarchist. And Jesus– Jesus is a
democratic socialist. Yeah. Next comment. So Ian says, “this page is
bad, and you should feel bad.” [CHUCKLES] I liked your reply, God. “And yet here you are lol.” Yeah, I mean, if
the page is so bad, then why is he here
making comments the second that I post? Yeah. Because, you know,
I collect these within like five
minutes of posting. [LAUGHS] But yeah, he loves it. He checks the page
every day, constantly, just waiting for me to
post so he can comment. He thinks about
me in his dreams. [MUSIC PLAYING] SpartanMike said to
you, “congratulations, you have won the ‘this
video gave me cancer’ award. Jackass.” OK, well, thanks for the
constructive feedback, SpartanMike. My video gave you cancer– good. Great. I’m glad. I mean, as God,
technically, I have to give it to someone, right? Uh, you do? Uh, moving on. OK. Anthony says, “hey, Jew,
God will not be mocked, remember that!” Wha– What? He’s an anti-Semite What
is he talking about? Jesus, you’re Jewish. I sure am. Shabbat and shalom. OK, well, you know, I saw a lot
of other similar anti-Semitic comments that I
won’t share here. Apparently there are a lot
of bigots on the internet. Who know? Ha. Who knew? Well, Taylor said, “God does
not make YouTube videos. This is blasphemy
and someone claiming to be God to push their
personal, political ideas.” I don’t make YouTube videos? Ha. Well, she’s wrong. I mean, she made the comment
on one of my YouTube videos. Also, don’t tell me I can’t
make YouTube videos, OK? Because I’m making
one right now. Exactly. By the way, this is
not blasphemy, OK? I’m not claiming to be God. I am God. Jesus, have a little
faith, you know? Oh, I know. It’s so frustrating. Jesus Christ, were
there any nice comments? Oh, yeah. There were lots. [UPBEAT MUSIC] Woo. Yeah. All right, I like that. Sweet. I feel so loved. Thanks, humans. I love you all, really. Muah. [MUSIC PLAYING] Reminder– every other
episode of The God Show is a three-minute teaser. You can only listen to the full
episode by becoming a Patron Saint at patreon.com/thegodshow. You will miss every other
episode of The God Show unless you become
a Patron Saint. So become a Patron Saint today. The more Patron Saints,
the more content I can make– the more
animated characters, the more everything. We don’t see a dime of
that church money, folks. So help us out, motherfuckers. Please? Please? Please? Shout outs and welcome to
our newest Patron Saints, Katherine, Andrea, CJ,
Pilar, Steven, and Celeste. Thank you for your
support, Patron Saints. You make The God Show possible. OK, that’s all the
time I have for today. Woo. I gotta go lie down. Please like and
share this episode. Please? Thanks, humans. See you next time
on The God Show. [MUSIC – LUDWIG VAN

  1. You are a very dirty god… A very dirty and naughty god. Want to smite me with your naughtiness? I'll blaspheme just for you. bats eyelashes

  2. You should have included the Stupid People and the Fucktards in the Beatitudes Jesus! The meek inherit the earth, the poor, hungry and mournful are blessed. What about the Fucktards?? Thatโ€™s what these ppl are REALLY pissed about. Just saying ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

  3. To God be the Glory๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚… Very original content

  4. Just joined the ranks of the Patron Saints. Hallelujah!
    (Now, **cough**: have You ever thought of making real-life furries? I mean, they couldn't be any worse than humans, right?)๐Ÿ˜ธ

  5. So you can create all of existence, the universe and everything but YouTube is beyond you? Religious folks are fucking mental. No wonder Jesus hasn't come back, they'd just kill him all over again cos they wouldn't believe him…

  6. If self-righteous, self-centered, outraged peckerheads can have their say on social media, God can have it too. Big news: when we get to the center of the universe, you won't be there. So if you can't figure out how to avoid it, don't ask God to tell you how to figure it out. MORON!

  7. Hey God! Why isn't your podcast called the Godcast? I feel strongly about this, but naturally, you are all knowing. Thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚โค

  8. Hi God, youโ€™re awesome and Iโ€™m glad I finally found you online. I fuckn hate church so this option is much better.

    Please forgive my stealing and adultery. Also, would you mind making my dick bigger please?

  9. I never fail to be pleased with everything you put out.. That kind of consistency of quality really speaks of a lot of hard work and dedication. Thank you for delivering entertaining and intellectual content, and helping us humans by clearing up some misconceptions for us. Much love <3

  10. Almost a 1,000 thumbs up and only 12 thumbs down. I'd say you're doing an AWESOME job!! Thanks from the bottom of my little Pagan heart !!

  11. You are creeping me out God. My comments keep disappearing b4 I can send. .I'm sorry I said that about Jesus's sandals man. You can keep them Jesusโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘
    And to make up for earlier blasphemy I'll pay the $5

  12. This is my first time watching and commenting: Your "idea" for the video is creative, but totally full of cheap attempts at humor that any wise ass 7th grader could come up with. Who ever is making this vid is obviously suffering from past hurts, and lashing out under the guise of sick humor. I won't be back here.

  13. Two minutes of wasted unfunny, non-entertaining nonsense at the beginning. Too much time spent on retorts to 'Angry Christian Comments." We appreciate what you're trying to do, but let's face it, you are no Bill Maher by any stretch. Just get right to it and focus on facts.

  14. You are anti racism but you made god white. Dog is god backwards…yeah the whole world speaks English. Stupid americana.

  15. If God made humans in his image, why does God only have four fingers? Just a random observation. Love you God!! ^_^

  16. "God does not make YouTube videos." But by that logic, God doesn't write a book either… Shall we follow that to the logical conclusion?

  17. People hate the God? One of the best Gods ever, the best I hear some say, even perfect. Had a great letter with him, perfect letter. SAD. BTW Why all of the religions somehow read "thou shalt not kill(/murder in some translations), unless.."? There is no fine print, it's quite straight forward, Do NOT kill period, No unlesses or if's there.. Or is there God?

  18. hey Jesus, don't you mean Palestinians? Isreal is part of America being mean and having a military. also commie isn't an insult, I'm an anarcho-communist.

  19. Should call this channel the registered paedophile show because that is who runs it…and what is worse is all the mentally ill libtards who support it so cat lady can pay her rent,sad.

  20. Hey, God: Longtime believer, first time commenter: What software are you using? Oh, and thanks for the Type 2 Diabetes. I use it to get out of all kinds of stuff! Thy will be done!

  21. Wow, God, you've come so far since those dark days when FB wouldn't certify your page with the blue check! Keep on rockin'!

  22. I am still alive. A miracle in itself, as I used to do stupid … stuff … for fun, and sometimes went looking for trouble.

    I know I don't deserve to be here, so thanks for watching out for my stupid … donkey … and letting me live long enough to grow out of being so … dang … stupid!

  23. Well, those people who gave out negative comments sure love getting attention. Heh, they asked for the wrong kind of attention. I don't mean this in a bad way. :/

  24. Hey God, if you happen to see Madalyn Ohare on hour daily rounds of Archangles of Sanity, tell her I said hi! Here on Earth we still lover. Please look after David Silverman, thanks dude!

  25. I didn't comment at the time you published this one, but I gotta tell you; This one helped me get over something really fast. LOL. Thank you.

  26. oh heavenly father who aren't in heaven … lordly some humans have zero humor… bless their souls ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Lol! Son of a biscuit eater, what a glorious time to be alive!! Thank You GOD for making me Lol & for making people realize that God does answer prayers, even when the answer is NO..Also, thanks for inspiring me to NOT use "cuss words" in this comment.๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ˜€

  28. You just make me smile. Even on days when my PTSD is bad or my chronic pain is awful. Like today. Weather in Michigan is hurting me bad right now. But you make me smile.

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