Best of Newsbroke (Farewell)


Hi everyone. I’m Francesca Fiorentini, and 91 weeks ago, we started a comedy offshoot called … I already am f*cking up. I can’t do it! 91 weeks ago we started a comedy offshoot of AJ+ called Newsbroke. And now it’s time to end. Why are we ending? Well because we won the internet. No in all honesty, AJ+ is moving to D.C. and Newsbroke didn’t want to relocate so close to Mordor. So this is our farewell lookback at an what’s been an awesome ride. We may release a few pieces on Facebook that we’d previously released on YouTube, but this is the final original Newsbroke piece. Play it again, Kate. Play it again. [amazing recorder playing, like so good.] We’ve been through so much together. From the DNC to the RNC, in sketches, in the field, in the studio, and of course, the 2016 election which we all thought would end differently. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*K! Yeah, we thought Hillary would be president, OK, and, yeah, that would have posed its own problems but instead of doing more deep dives on issues like private prisons we ended up needing to do more videos on why being a Nazi is bad. The biggest hit we ever had was, ironically, the one that we launched with: White Sensitivity In the Workplace. Remember? “Black hair’s the best.” “Ah! Can you not do that. It’s kind of inappropriate.” “What, why?” “Well, it’s kind of … racist.” [ominous music] “You’re probably wondering what went wrong in this workplace interaction between Becky and Jen.” And after that, and over the course of 91 weeks we gave you all a whole lot of well-researched, in depth and funny episodes on very unfunny topics like: identity politics The religious right. Lowering the voting age. Anti-intellectualism Toxic masculinity White genocide Facebook has wittingly or unwittingly aided authoritarians Sex work could become even more dangerous This administration is proving we live less in a democracy and more in a plutocracy, a government for the rich, by the rich. And if they had their own clothing line … it’d be … FRBR And we also met a lot of people. That was nice. “I have always been of the belief politics should be to the death.” “Can I say I’m a big fan?” “Sure you can.” –OK, that’s not weird right?” “No.” “How do we protect journalists, do we just build a wall around us?” “Journalists have been in pens more recently than ever before. We are constructing a wall around you right now, we’re never going to let you leave.” “How’s it helping women when the taxes are so high they gotta go to work cause we gotta pay for all the illegals?” She was fun. We’ve also called many people many names. Human skid mark on a quilt Mitch McConnell. He looks as if pink eye were a person. Economist Milton Friedman, the Bunsen of free enterprise. The Cruella Deville of public education, Betsy Devos. Conspiracist and constipated Peppa Pig Alex Jones. Grown up Cabbage Patch Baby and EPA Head Scott Pruitt. Billionaires Robert Mercer and daughter Rebekah, the Gomez and Morticia Adams of the ultra right. Rick Scott, AKA Judge Doom from “Who Framed Roger Rabbit.” The Koch Brothers, the most heartless white male brothers since the albinos from “The Matrix” sequels. Netanyahu is a classic f*ck boi They’re like the X-men if the x stood for xenophobe. Those little spineless larvae … You know the saying that there are many names for the one you love? Well Newsbroke’s had a lot for the one who’s completely unloveable. Donald Trump is the shamwow guy of presidents. Alt-President Donald Trump Silly Putty’s great grandfather. The Orange Hatesicle Populist trojan horse America’s sh*t-filled perogi a melted King Size Butterfinger a slogan with hair a caramel that fell on a barbershop floor a donut made of bologna Count Gropula This guy The hate nugget the grope tornado The Doomsday whisperer But beyond name-calling, we’ve tried to explain hard concepts with ridiculous analogies: The Syrian civil war is arguably the 7-layer dip of wars. You’ve got your authoritarian, your rebels, your civilians, your foreign superpowers, your warring factions, your stateless fighters, topped off with a whole lot of misinformation. Think of Puerto Rico like America’s Tiffany Trump. Technically related but very much an afterthought as in, “Where is Tiffany anyway?” Because that’s not how freedom or equality work. They’re not finite. Freedom isn’t a port-o-potty that gets worse the more people use it. Freedom is like the woods. There’s room for everyone to take a dump. Over the months, I’ve committed to many characters. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go to hate prom. This year’s theme? White supremacy under the stars. What do you get when you cheat on your wife? And on that farm he had a troll, S-J-W. Did I shell out way too much on journalism school just to roll this turd of a presidency in glitter? Dr. Drew! Put me back on Loveline! Oh please, Piper, I’ll do whatever the frack I want! We got a big thought to send, but first, we’re gonna PRAY PRAY PRAY! I just want jews to know I’m a man! [russian music] With a cuck-cuck here and a cuck-cuck there. Here a cuck, there a cuck I’ve got my drone helmet My acid rain helmet My stray bullet helmet My rape helmet! [Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing plays] This is fine. This is fine. “Speak English so we can be f*ckin friends!” That was my best Matt impression. And I impersonated one guy, in particular a lot. Of course I’ve heard of Guam, it’s where they make the Guammy Bears. Oh no I can’t move. Oh god I can’t see. How do I look? Am I expensive yet? You’re such a good sheep, good girl — Back away goat! You’re fake sheep! I have nothing to do with Russia! No deals, no loans, no nothing! If you’re gonna die, don’t do it on the street. Find a store, a Macy’s, they’ve got great dressing rooms. I hate the gueen guammy bears. Get ’em out of there. THROW ‘EM OUT!” And who’s changing my diaper? Daddy got a poopy, that’s why I’m upset! I’m just saying, Voldemort had a wand … Who’s talking?! MEXICO! Goodnight Nazis, you weren’t that bad. Goodnight Robert Mueller. Hashtag sad. I think I know why my throat’s f*cked up. All right my impression wasn’t amazing, but it was probably as good as producer Kate’s Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton. Hillary. Heard of me? [rock music] [devil voice] THANKS MARK. I, Hillary Clinton … am woke AF. Goodbye, Felicia. Fire emoji! The Newsbroke team also produced around 20 sketches. Remember those? If you are one of the millions of women who are absolutely crushing it in a society that doesn’t allow women to believe that they are, then call the Fraud Protection Hotline today, and get the help you really shouldn’t need. Call now. It’s a real number! Introducing, Uber Allies. bringing an ally straight to your doorstep in your time of need. Hello and welcome to The Blame Game, the only game show in America where people compete to figure out who’s fault it is that Donald Trump was elected president. Join us next time on Reading Raincloud when our topic will be race in America. No thank you. And that little nugget is actually our editor Holly’s daughter. Isn’t she cute. And so many of those sketches are thanks to our animator Marisa! Who is amazing. I’m gonna miss you! And here at Newsbroke we’ve even made up songs: “Butterfly in the sky, democracy is a lie.” “Solar is progress, renewables keep on the wifi so I can binge watch The Bachelorette” “Don’t fight my domination, I can tell that you’re unsure, “Don’t you believe in moderate dems, I’ll make you say I’M WITH HER.” “It’s the circle of pro-life and it screws us all” It was a hard song. And as you can see, we created revolutionary alter-egos. Avengers of the Left, resisters of the Right, we are … Resistance. Rebellion. Cinnamon. Viva la Horchata Armada! You can still buy dope shirts designed by our animator Marisa Cruz in the link in the description. Do it! But it wasn’t all fun and horchata. We’ve also gotten real So it’s hard to find the right joke to tell when it feels like this entire war and everyone involved have been playing one cruel joke on the Syrian people. Are we a country of Billy Bushes? Of complicit brown-nosers who joke about the powerful to get a laugh but don’t fight for systemic change? Because if life is so precious, why pass legislation making it harder to live it? The fact that that the Israeli government can only find their staunchest support among the racist fringes of the radical far right speak volumes about the direction that Netanyahu is leading the state of Israel. But the argument that they should stay because they understand the political machine is a bogus one. Because if the machine isn’t working for the people, then you’re just gate-keeping the death star. You can’t con people at least not for long. You can create excitement, you can do wonderful promotion and get all kinds of press, and you can throw in a little hyperbole. But if you don’t deliver on the goods, people will eventually catch on. Thanks Mr. Shamwow president, we will catch on. Shamnow or shamlater.” We’ve done a lot. And we are so eternally grateful for you all– all 47 thousand four hundred and six–seventeen! of you on YouTube and of course the 258 billion of you we reached on Facebook. Don’t do the math. You’ve made it so special. But it’s time for me to move on from YouTube and go somewhere else … which will probably be on YouTube. Let’s be honest. Luckily so many of our videos remain relevant and that’s not a good thing, because the struggle for real justice and equality in the U.S. is a constant one. Whether we’re talking about police brutality, or mass shootings, propaganda-free education, workers getting fair pay, or for women to be treated as human beings. And the best thing about Newsbroke is we were able to tackle all these topics with research and nuance on the internet– which if you’re new to the internet, is very divisive here. So a few pieces of parting of advice. Read more. Read many different news outlets, articles, books. Never stop learning. Also, try to take yourself less seriously. I need that advice all the time. When you start to get worked up, take a breath, blast a fart. [fart] Ah. that’s better. And finally, get offline. I realize how weird that sounds coming from an internet show, but meet people in your community IRL or build a community if you don’t have one. Have movie nights and discussions, vegan barbecues, join a group or organization. There will be weirdos, like that one dude who wears suspenders and falls asleep in every meeting. But there will be cool people too. And also, narcoleptic suspenders dude is pretty chill. I’d also like to give a shout out to our amazing crew who’s been with us this whole time: Christine and Hugo who work so hard in the studio, and Stephanie who does my makeup and hair and makes me look amazing. And Nadine, our old researcher who’s off doing amazing things, and Conner, our content strategist who was the first one to believe in us. And also everyone else at AJ+. Some of whom, you’ve actually seen act in our sketches. Thank you. If you didn’t know, we film in a newsroom, and we have all of our coworkers who are trying to work while I scream expletives at the camera, so thank you all! Love you! Yay! She said she loved me but you couldn’t hear it. Anyway. And always remember Newsbroke. Keep us on your favorites list like the nice china. You take us out when you have your friends over, when you need a pick me up, when you wanna be francy. From me and everyone who’s worked on Newsbroke and the whole AJ+ family, it’s been so real. And we’re gonna miss everybody, right Matt Lieb? ♫Bone bone bone bone bone, bone bone♫ ♫Tell me what ya gonna do when there ain’t nowhere to run♫ ♫When judgment comes for you, when judgment comes for you♫ ♫What ya gonna do when there ain’t nowhere to hide and it’s gonna head south♫ [Bone Thugs cover continues] ♫And I’m gonna miss everybody when I’m gone.♫ [fart]




Comments
  1. LOL Newsbroke Bone Thugs N Harmony…Wish you the best, pray and hope you grow and prosper even more, you were somehow suppressed here on YouTube, don't know why…

  2. Well, see ya! You won’t be missed. The truth is…you have the lowest numbers I have ever seen for this type of show. And you can’t just clone Roaming and expect to WIN! Not being funny AT ALL didn’t help either.

    All the best in phase two!!

  3. This is a suggestion coming from someone that unfortunately stumbled upon your channel shortly after it's end …Your comedic delivery is exceptional (both of you) without going too goofy (which is a talent) – The recommendation is simple : Please go to Hollywood and show them how to deliver entertainment, It would be greatly appreciated. Your absence from Youtube will be our loss –

  4. Your biggest hit has one quarter dislikes to likes despite the fact that liberals congregate around horse shit like this.

  5. So Francesca, your choice was to either relocate to Washington. Or to make yourself unemployed? Why doesn't it surprise me that even when your lying you make the dumb choice. Embrace the eternity of the void.You hack.

  6. im amazed how you could hit every key note of why people dont like or trust the liberal media anymore all in one video. pretty and talented…but not very smart.

  7. Wow! ^_^ You guys are awesome. Thanks for doing all this. The truth has never been more entertaining. And thanks for staying true to yourselves. Good luck and all the best to all of you.

  8. Thanks goodness this channel ended. I don't understand why people on the left like this can't be professional and intellectual. They just insult everyone on the right, and it drives people like me away….

  9. I found out about Newsbroke after you stopped adding new shows.
    I hope that you will add a few more someday, to keep the dream alive. You've helped a lot of people process some of the seemingly unbearable circumstances of our time.
    I miss you already!

  10. I've been in love with you since the first day that I subscribed I wish you didn't have to go I just have one thing to ask you will you marry me Francesca πŸ’πŸ™

  11. Lmfaoooo what they meant to say was Al-Jazeera couldn't handle their like to dislike ratio. So glad this dumpster fire of a channel is dead. This chan was a perfect example of why news is broken. Thanks Newsbroke.

  12. I'm so sad. You show up on my feed, I love your show and the next day, I find out you left us in June. Well, I will still enjoy your videos. πŸ˜‚

  13. To be fair, the answer to most questions in contemporary politics is "someone kill me now." ..

  14. Don't think THIS is your "best of", but THIS (below) is more like it!!! πŸ˜† :
    https://youtu.be/kvoqMQC0nhM
    (Um, btw, Bernie Sanders?! REALLY?!?!?!)

  15. Finally, good riddance. It has been something like waiting for some crappy commie dictator like Fidel Castro to finally kick the bucket. And when they do a chorus of angelic sounds permeates the air. Now that this piece of crap site has met it's last sunset there is a feeling of ecstatic joy. It's as though there is a new era of enlightenment after ridding humanity of a plague of ignorance and misery.
    I'm jealous of the people that had never seen these stupid videos. But at now they are gone and will be forgotten just like Maoism.

  16. THANK GOD, THIS IS OVER, SPENT HOURS DEBUNKING YOUR SOCIALIST LIES, W SOURCING. PLS KNOW, ITS WRONG TO LIE, YOUVE DONE EXACTLY WHAT MADURO DID TO MY VENEZUELAN FRIEND. HOW DO I FIND WHO FUNDS THESE LIES? Close to "media matters!" But, hopefully you don't destroy lives on line as a "sport." DEMS don't play fair. Are you related to AOC?

  17. Here's an article on the purpose of Qatar's funding of idiotic show like this to brainwash & DESTROY AMERICA:! https://www.meforum.org/57696/the-three-faces-of-al-jazeera

  18. Alright…I just binge-watched about 17 of these old videos, and they're STILL relevant. Yes, they really are!!

    WHAAARRRR ARRRR EWWWWWW, FRANNNNNIEEEEE FIOOOOOOOOOOO?????

  19. OK So this is what happened……………….been monitoring YOUTUBE for a while. Just decided to start watching this channel. LOVING IT !!! Subscribed and clicked the little bell. I recommend. The snark is palpable.
    Keep doing it please.

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