Anarcho Agony Aunts: Episode 7 (Full)

hello and welcome to anarchic on the ants live ante University can everyone hear us alright thank you so a lot of people here don't seem to necessarily have heard of what we do before so I'm going to we're gonna give a brief kind of rundown of what the project is before we start yeah come on should I do that okay so an archive agony ants came about because we realized that a lot of people on the left particularly sis men don't seem to have a kind of emotional outlet where they can ask questions about their personal lives unless it's like I don't notice that they happen to have like good female friends or like close friends who they can have that conversation with and a lot of people there's like been a trend of like telling towards the like right as a way for men to find answers to their emotional problems and we find that very concerning and figures like Jordan Peterson obviously leading this trend and so we wanted to reverse that trend by creating the same kind of service where people can ask questions that they might not be able to ask their friends and comrades and also provide a space for those who might be middling or leaning towards that all right she realized that that's not the only Avenue you can go down to have help in your love life and emotional life and intimacy life yeah because this is so conversations than me and Rowan have all the time anyways like just about random theme so with our friends also this is your own I'm where I am by the way there you go and so began is like pub drinks talk sort of thing but we decided that being fascinating to try and do it the setup really Christopher Cole and so this is episode 7 I think also we want to lay down a bit of some ground rules in terms of the event today because it's live and it's a bit of a different set up for us than it usually is usually we record this just in the intimacy of just the chiapas usage so I think three things number one there is a bar at the end of the room so we said we're selling this case 40 pounds and the cronies for 3 pounds 50 please buy them so I don't have to carry them back in my rucksack yes number two a lot of quantum warnings there will be discussions about sex and potentially sex sexual violence but we'll also be giving like trigger warnings before those practical questions as well so if you want to leave the room for those particular ones that's absolutely fine but we can't always like predict where the competition is going to go so just yet yeah those themes may or may not come up and we're gonna try and keep a little net but yeah yeah and number three I think this is not necessarily interactive event we have a responsibility towards the people that ask us questions anonymously that I think we have about eight questions something that we don't know cover all of them today but basically we're gonna be in jail engaging with the camera and we're gonna be engaging with those people who have asked us questions so you kind of throw necks it's necessary because we don't want to like break like kind of please the audience and or you know kind of change the dynamic that we in row and have I'm sorry maybe you're a bit like so while we do but like you kind of get to see how we do this yeah and you allow to like you know laugh yeah like give us a round of applause we say something wonderful but yeah but generally it's yeah we it's basically it's our subjective opinion this is what the project is kind of based on we very much are aware of our own limitations and some of the sort of opinions we can give we don't claim to be experts on anything apart from our own experience under conversations we've had with friends and comrades yeah agony on so it's a very sort of quite loose term I think in its history and all of that stuff and there's just basically a lack of it Indian our cuisine is all very sad so yeah hopefully this will be fun and yeah feel free to go to the toilet there's one on the ground feel free to go to the bar whenever you feel probably do an intermission when I need the toilet so don't worry yeah yeah so don't be at least one break but yeah do your thing and hopefully we'll entertain you and we'll be you know we will there will be fidelity to our audience right so we'll begin with question number one we're gonna be doing them most of them in order but one of them will be starting with the far right yeah okay yeah okay so the way the format goes as we read the questions and n we discuss them it's really simple okay SSR are unanimously submitted on curious caps we don't know who sent them and we never discussed them beforehand that's true this is the first time I'm gonna hear my arms hot take my clothes okay okay didn't see your live show the other night so apologize a bit of covered then but I noticed in some of your answers you kind of leaned a lot on nonverbal cues / signals just being able to tell if someone is into you and so on I think one area that could use a bit more explore exploring is our cognitive biases play into this both positive people seeing and hearing what they want to see in here and negative no way could they possibly be into me they're so out of my league etc or indeed both of those things going to some extent at the same time like how can we be certain that we're not reading someone's I think this person is interesting and I'd like to be friends with them or indeed I have no interest in you whatsoever but I'm very polite and or scared of rejecting you openly signals as something more than they are without just openly coming out and saying hello I want to bang you this feeling mutual so what relatedly tips on shy for Shia dating would be welcome so this is this was I think a very interesting for us a question for our sister to receive because we have in a bit may be guilty in our previous episodes kind of talking or telling people that there is the sort of like fairly clean way to find out whether someone is into you if you like empathetically and politely ask them and yes I think both of us have now recently had experiences where people have kind of done that without as giving like as but without but I was giving like zero signal take a kind interaction as well this is a yeah clearly yeah so you want to bang yeah yeah and it's just that was that's been that's been quite odd so we like did we create a monster here yeah so this is stuff right because yeah in the past we definitely sort of been given advise us to like you know you kind of hopefully know that someone's like flirting with you and you know obviously rejection is the terrible thing but as long as you go like you know hey I guess some kind of NC we if you are as well then like them perhaps if yeah is there something to do here but there are limitations that oh and we have also though said that like you need to read someone's body language and be able to like like we talked a lot about how to hit on someone without being a creep a big topic we've covered and we do say like it's not only coming out and saying middle of nowhere I think your heart should be bang but also you know like trying to like engage and see what the you know the flirting cues are like so yeah but but yeah we have maybe created a monster yeah but I'll give a bit of a personal story here that begin with a heart story no we're basically just kind of like don't you think that even if you get visual cues that you're actually in the game yeah quite so oh my god this is so embarrassing fuck it so a couple of years back good couple of years back now well I was squatting everyone knows that it was quite it for a good eight years or so and there was this one night and we opened a squat and and we were there you know he had to sleep like on the on the on the ground for the first couple night so maybe if you're like you have a mattress that sort of thing you know and there was me and someone else someone I'm fancied so much fucking out there very lucky that I fancied them actually anyways and so we kind of like we no no I'll tell you I okay yeah y'all know like and so when you're like sleeping next to each other and like sleeping bags you know like and that but like I mean I think they were like put people in the room and that sort of stuff but like anyways and I like I fancy that person so I'm like you know kind of for like I don't know but anyways so but I obviously heard they didn't know or anything like I was just kind of like I knew that and then cut over the middle of the night I wake up to like them kind of grinding on me sort of thing like and with like that's acute ah hard on and everything yeah yes like what's beautiful ah I'll buy all my days a fancy needs you this is great anyway so it felt very like alive like they were like hugging me under that like it was like a kind of like a couple of minutes sort of thing and then we fell back asleep and it was fine know today that you should necessarily just go straight to grinding someone that you fancy no but no but no but no but the story gets worse listen so we wake up in the morning and you know we sort of chatting and everything and you know I don't know I'm or like but after months you know I kind of I guess I think advanced me to want a kiss and they like go what you ask them yeah yeah and we're like no I'm like but I thought wait what and they're like oh no I was I was I was dreaming so I never sleep fucking someone else and that what doesn't we thank fuck that I can't see them right because I wouldn't have exactly that would be a soul yeah yeah like cloudy weather they sleep the food people Amir I don't mean well I was I want to down the line down yeah I mean I don't know it was probably I went off yeah I don't know so that was like a rejection twice you cannot take cues are actually not assigned so and I learned it the hard way yeah so I mean we using this on a my anecdote as such but really just sort of illustrate that like it is very tough out there and like it's very very difficult to tell when someone fancies you like to me that seemed like as clear as it can be right and absolutely not and so yeah so sometimes yeah and then there have been also things that I know times when people I've told me that they advanced me I'm like I have not given any QC well I did being friendly does not mean someone want to bang you right and then and then but they were like but you said wow you look that way and I was just like I guess I did but I didn't have like there was nothing so you know such like when I flirted I flirt like phone can tell like yes that's prime right if someone doesn't know I know the difference between you laughing because they made a joke and laughing could you want to fuck them like oh yes base a very subjective thing it's sadly like as much as we want see there's not like a clear answer then we can give some people you know and I think there will be another question with people that like don't necessarily and it sounds right like and and and yeah that there there are some people that flirt with being you know very very for instance passionate about your hobbies or something like that and then there are others that like can be extremely for Dasia sometimes you all the time and be like yeah no mate like I'm not into it like as an you know you know there are those like touchy-feely people all the time especially when you do fancy them yeah but both in different ways yeah sure so yeah it's kind of really avoid can't necessarily like give a very very clear answer here I mean some some Cheyenne Shia mean like so it's kind of a bit harder for me I think because when I when I am into summer I think I'm quite open about yeah I really respect that shy about it like my advice would be like stand on the corner don't make eye contact and never speak to them again but but does it actually work so you think I mean obviously it's also like difference between impasse and Shayan Shia but also through like texting and stuff and I think you can work your way up to a slightly banter through like sending memes and things like that if you're not good at the actual like interpersonal thing but I think I'm so appreciated I'm using the word cognitive bias as well because like that's such a thing the amount of times like yeah I mean quite recently I'd say I like there was someone yeah I liked it so much and I thought that you know no polite you know so yeah and I wish I would have known that time at the time as well where someone would have like yanked me out of this being like no it's just someone like kind of oh thank fuck like I didn't necessarily open up myself and up that's an interesting time for guilty of the opposite cognitive bias of like not ever realizing anyone fancies me ever not lucky me cuz there's so many possible potential things I could have gone forward I have blew it like or didn't yeah so so what kind of fuck but basically yeah kind of function or lack of yeah exactly but yeah so I think first of all yeah but we said in terms of like don't go there if there is not not like you still have to invest in being charming basically what we're saying is that for instance that was couple of times I think though we've got approached with like no no idea that we gave any signal is also because they weren't necessarily trying to like get us the party no I was charming like they were charming they were just I just thought they were nice that I was nice we were having it's like nice conversation yeah but did they invest did do the court thing basically you know the sort of like court sink they kind of couch it it's what they kind of quoted me and my boyfriend at the same time didn't realize he was my boyfriend no but I guess that's also that's for one like that one night I'm sure well I guess maybe that's yeah but it's the assumption it was really tricky cuz on the one hand we like to tell people look yeah just ask like the best thing the most consensual thing you can do is ask that's right but on the other hand if you get a question a middle of nowhere from someone you've just been hanging out with and they say hey I think you're really hot can we make out that can also actually make you feel not that good yeah it's like I think the reason why I'm a bit I'm a bit upset about what happened to me recently is because it was also in a professional environment right and so I thought that they took me as like colleague but turns out that no actually the whole time I was just an object right cliff a fine line of like women constantly being like assumed that they were want to have sex with me asked how sex but on the other hand actually I'd rather someone asked me to have sex than just tried to have sex of me so it's like in a kind of basic what happened was yeah like I'm yeah no no it was a bit like it just came so out of nowhere I felt a bit violated and also like they were a bit like but you kind of told people to be open about things yeah like sure and I guess you were kind of nice about it and yes maybe because it was a professional environment I took it like quite badly I was like I have not given you any like cool that that was okay but that's the thing like cues are cues and it's really hard because also like people with different like you know ability to really use and stuff like so just as sure as only have you all say prepared to be rejected yeah because women are so subjected to like being hit on all the time as is and and and it's just like what are we doing and now we're gonna into in and like a really cutesy sort of feminist way but we're still going Clinton you do do I guess rather someone say like Harry like you can we make out then tell me a dick pic right like you know what I mean like there are even if it both fuel like it's some more absolutely invasive absolutely there's a better way of invading yes yes yes well I mean yeah yeah I think I think word think is really important basically I'm like making making that person feel special again it was also like if you are shy like there is such thing as if there's two of you sort of in a party there's that whole thing that we also mentioned before it's just like it's you two against the world sort of thing yeah okay that sort of environment then you do we're both in the kitchen feeling awkward yeah yeah yeah like it is kind of like when we think about the experience that we have maybe it's just also it's a bit like yeah you create that environment which is like yeah we – both of us are shy in between all these extroverts you know and then there's a bit of a connection than straight we'll say like a really good random tip that I have done parties where I feel uncomfortable and I see that there's another person also standing a feeling uncomfortable either instead of doing like hey how are you and trying to small talk like do a game or something be like you could have like your girlfriend with like a shag marry avoid or something like that something that isn't about them having to talk about themselves but like is yeah I don't know or like 20 questions or like guess or something and it's quite a good way of engaging dollars would you do this yeah a good way of engaging with someone without them having to like so what do you do yeah that's true there so no like you would random questions you can just ask some that were like are instant icebreakers you know like my favorite in terms of texting is on a scale of 1 to 10 how's your day going because then they say what is on the scale which is a different thing to being like how was your day yeah it's like opens up a debate so there are like yeah which come across less could I ocean really panic when someone I don't know at party starts talking to me and I'm like what we have nothing to say what have you nothing to talk well what if I'm leading you on I need you at the toilet and I've instantly leave because leaving is much less bad than having awkward silences in a supposed to be conversation yeah I also self-deprecation is fine I mean I mean this is kind of sounds super subjective as well maybe that's like my trick if it even is a trick but it's just like you know yeah you kind of are open that do you have your limitations and and that you're kind of a waste man around a lot of cool people sort of thing I mean succumb but the first time I bonded with someone I'm very good friends with now who was very close to you was because we are both standing outside a party and I was like I feel fucking awkward and I don't wanna talk to anyone here and he was like yeah me too well you should it's kind of a sad reality that we have to bring ourselves down that weapon is Shayan china exactly and it created this solidarity yeah which has lasted so right okay hopefully we thought it's just because of what we kind of thought like other videos on similar topics maybe we should put the links to them under this video you can see a kind of because we have talked to this about this in previous episodes yeah makeup hair both no you can never be too sure yeah okay so now he's still gonna start with the other one right do you read oh it's the one at the bottom so you can turn sideways if you can't say thank you oh this one's fascinating it's a bit more theoretical this one but like I could I'm interested I don't know if we're gonna have a lot that we always have a good answer but this one's a bit more I've had a deliberately bad answer so why do you think so many people on the Left use the term emotional labour incorrectly to describe them processing their feelings in relationships when was persley initiated when it was first initially coined to talk about the way people are expected to maintain or suppress emotions while working do you know stop I can't you are tensed oh she has a mouse mom always brings notes I never bring notes I would like the bad kid no no but you we've come up with things on a fire that's really impressive so I guess I will read this out a little bit just because it's it's kind of fascinating I actually didn't know that time emotional labor was coined in like 1983 that's like one Sango so emotional labor it's basically there's there is a author called I wanna say age oh sorry a aunt's home perhaps dog's child argues in 1983 that within this commodification process service workers our strange from their own feelings in the workplace but in the recent interview works child Oh actually I think it's a she actually said she was horrified by some people's house by some people's opinion that housework the basically housework or women's issues are centered around this interpretation of work so basically she wrote this whole incredible or I guess incredible it's that text about how emotional labor is the process that's workers find themselves in or it's an action set of actions that workers find themselves and whenever they're having to use yeah I guess rather than like physical labor I guess literally emotional labor whether that's in service industries and our care work similar industries like that or sometimes yeah I guess front-of-house industries as well to to to to remain at the job to be better at the job they have to create this other persona that is that is that is not really such and yet I suppose in history now well in the last 36 years we have this word has definitely found a new meaning recent that's like in the last like I would say four or five years we've started up using it like listen to talk about interpersonal dynamics yes precisely yeah and or yeah are really really a assigning ensue to mostly care issues and and whether that's at home or were definitely relationships and stuff like that and so I guess the person here is asking whether that's good politics what does this mean and yeah it's fascinating I actually didn't know that this also that the term had such a long history but what it means is that and we're like kind of clued in people in the left the fact that even we didn't necessarily know about this that means like the Thomas has now got a new meaning like that I first came across its original purpose in relation to rush workers and our lush workers are expected to not only sell lush products that we like oh my god hey how was your day let me massage your hands the second you go into the shop and how for both customer and worker alike that's just incredibly awkward yeah they have quotas and they are expected to not only be doing their job I presume their job with enthusiasm and a smile on their face and like yeah like also waitresses and such but like I hate going to lushes because I'm like someone who's getting my hands in five seconds it's terrible for both of us like say we're like I'm kind of torn on this because on one hand I think it's really important that there is a term for that in the work related context right and in the like capital of context of not only selling your time and selling your physical labor but this your emotions that's only if you taken seriously and yet I feel like the fact that has been appropriated by like feminist struggles or by like dialogues around like intimate like partner relations and putting the labor into relation to it with a partner but also with friendships and stuff like that shows that there wasn't a term to public properly encapsulate that and that maybe they need that that wasn't neatly clearly a discussion that needed like pinpointing yes and I think that's only a good thing basically I think I think it would be useful to make a distinction between labor relate to the mission labor and interpersonal mission I think both are equally important like I use the term emotional labor to talk about friendships I do think sorry I'm just doing right now feeling social labor I do think it's often miss appropriated because at the end of the day if you're in a friendship that you don't want to be putting emotional energy into you maybe shouldn't be in that friendship and I do think there is an issue with people saying this friend is taking my emotional labor right now but that in a way makes you a fair-weather friend like to be a true friend to someone you kind of need to be there in the thick and the thin unless you're after like a mate relationships as well like I mean basically I guess they didn't any person would be like this is not really it's not that's someone else's take care of your emotional labor issues that your initiative kinda sounds harsh but I mean basically I all kind of I worry that the critique and that this person also has a little bit is is you know how sometimes we there's a specific reason one we have anti-fascist I here right because we want to Italian anti-fascism with feminist issues right because we think that those who are very much historically intertwined same way with labor issues though as well like the amount of erasure of women's struggle in the workplace as well as very women specific issues that we're having to deal with you know the fact that there are now conversations on that of yes of course fine its prime it's now like kinda has become a feminist issue like I think that's something to celebrate so I worry that basically the way that we're framing well the way that the question was framed Aloha it's just like they may like just kind of separate you're like feminist emotional labor with like are my ex's politics a little bit like because it's just see I didn't read it like that I read it more that they don't like that it's been applied to this but not literally I think that this is not an issue I I think basically the the what has happens that we have is such a like poverty of of terms of ways of talking I also agree that emotional and labor and labor also has a very problem that word has a very proud history will history that should not be undermined and I think shouldn't be conflated by completed with you know I don't know like my my partner didn't like talk to me about their sister coming over and or like they didn't by the presence or something hence I'm doing a motion waiver and then we're talking about like real people like I don't know in like really knows sometimes messed up industry is having to to only perform that neighbor or they're out on the streets if they get like get like thrown out of the job you know so be saying I think labor has a very very rich history so I don't think I think it shows that we have a poverty of terms that we can't have two separate words or two separate I guess like nowadays there's a lot more talk about like the freighter like social reproduction to mean the kind of like household labor and such like that right which is a good thing but I do it's not a time that's caught on in like the liberal but I do I don't know I I do think emotional labor is an important term because you end up in certain dynamics with friends or with like relationships where you are taking on a lot of another person's issues and it's somewhat it's expected that you should take on say all of their mental health issues and all of their dissonant this and this because you're their friend or because you're their partner and the emotional toll it's taking on you is under-recognized because that's just what you do is a good friend oh that's what you do it's a good girlfriend or whatever and so I do think there is there should be a space for it to be used in that way I don't think that everything you do if your partner should be referred to as a virtual labor yeah and also like God come to have you know once if you think about it well like I think the worst burden of emotional labor always falls down on women of color because they always have to like basically you I know you look at Serena Williams or what not as soon as she like turns up the smile that's it you know she's aggressive and like I don't know she's all of that stuff so I think it's very much to be recognized that it incredibly racialized and gendered absolutely but basically that and again there is their huge historical I guess ties with you know the off of conversation surrounding you know racial integration as such and labor labor integration and loans and all of that stuff so again like all these conversations about what I'm trying to say is that like I guess at first I was like labor has this like mark say I'm proud of history and that is just like white and male ever thought and now we're sort of mixing in just like these different things that's like Oh feminism or like I know racist issues and all that stuff but like yeah it's fine the world has moved on we are now talking about these things and perhaps it is okay to then include you know like labor as a much wider yeah so much wider kind of understanding of what that I think they choose I think I like fundamentally not disagree with the questioner but I disagree with that angle they're taken towards the question I think we'd have a different time just because like as I say I think there is a there is should be a real separation between like the life-and-death sort of situations that workers are going to if they get like I know kicked out of house like a lot of I don't know I see like a lot of like rich celebrities or whatever being like oh hey I don't know like my rich boyfriend I don't know like it's not give it it's not like washing up the dishes or something like that like and I don't know if we should be using the time for both yeah and that's why like I said like I think like the rise of social reproduction as a theory that people are engaging with to talk about the like care issues and the home and the domestic issues that come alongside any kind of interpersonal thing is really important I don't know I just feel like initially was such a good term for like I mean you know that like I was in the situation where I was putting a lot of emotional energy into a friend who had a lot of like mental health issues and I had to actually at some point realized that it was taking such a huge toll on me and I hadn't been ignoring that because I thought I was being a good friend which I but it then led to me yet not realizing that it was emotionally but it was like emotionally exhausting me and very a real real sentence so I worry about it being like bandied around superfluously by these people but I still don't think that we should not apply it to social dynamics I think who could have new better more creative but I think there is something like feminism feminist and radical about recognizing the labor that is social in the labor that is like interpersonal and emotional there isn't just to do with the work you do it's just not it isn't the same kind of is understand the problem euro Sinda Callista yeah yeah not to say they have also haven't been packs by your tax again another word that we use interchangeably in our like commodified capitalist existences and you know our commodified social existences yeah yeah so conversation to be continued I think if you can think of a better word let us know and we'll publicize no that's true I mean I think it has been co-opted sometimes by people that just like I don't know yeah like oh I don't know like I had to actually be there for my friend emotionally yeah yeah my friend told me they're upset about something I'm now exhausted by my own emotionally yeah it's like like that that maybe you shouldn't have yeah what happens in relationships as well yes oh shit like yeah I had to be yeah like at some point you're going to be that person to and you're gonna be the one that needs your friends to listen to you rant about the same person or event or thing a hundred times and you're gonna yeah I mean I have been the person on both ends of that and sure like I mean it's important for a suit to question these terms but it's also important for us to I have the empathy whenever you know we are the ones doing give up the other one I don't know it's just like when and it's fine to take a step back when you're emotionally exhausted by a friend of course it is or or a partner or whatever like to be like I'm actually like really just out I would have emotional energy right now can we like redo this lay there or can we have a great emotional energy or is it just I think it is I think it's emotional maybe it's less the Labor word but it's more like emotional because like you you're actually like helping someone out right yeah you're not necessarily investing emotions than that I mean you can be worrying about someone that you care for is like draining I find reading though or you're like coming up with like so what we're doing right now for instance yeah this is say like for example you had the same concern day after day after day and he came to me and expected and wanted me to be there to talk you through it day after day after day I think it'd be fair to say that is friendship and it's a good thing that's what I want to do but if I was at some point to say actually marry I'm like right now I just need like a me day like then that beauty ballads yes but I don't know if emotional labor is the word to anyways but I get it I get it I get it anyways but I think it's sort of like if we had answer here right now I think we could like break Twitter and become like jeez you know and like write this whole thing if I why this term should be changed or why there is a you know if you wanna come with a time and give it to us to make a famous that would be sick yeah okay this far it's kind of a long because usually were like this in this understand this sometimes I use the date some like it's like nineteen yeah oh your head with all the actual information all right it's up a web because basically we do this is that my hair's like actually too short so I put it up this this high and so I have it like clipped on the back I don't have like a mullet don't which is annoying I always get that when I okay question three I think yeah what is your opinion on the trans slash homo fascists that I've been popping up recently or any marginalized group supporting fascism or third position ideology well thanks for an easy what I had actually no hard about moment because I'm not a good internet er no no look it's it's basically with it and I think I will caveat this to share that like I'm not gonna engage pretty much at all in terms of like rich issues surrounding sorry we have a trans issues and the race issues because literally like not my conversation to be had however there is plenty of internalized misogyny as is so we can totally cover that so I guess the question is relating to I know some would say recent phenomena but I think it's maybe has been made like a bit more popular just by the internet or whatnot that there have been quite a few in certain types I know individuals that are putting themselves out there as such that would typically be seen as coming from somewhat marginalized communities and yes they are flirting with the politics of all try it all the time so you know I mean I don't even want to do kind of examples but like Milo yeah fuck it Milo yeah I mean that play about that that is that is like you know a gay dude that is married to a black dude and like still looks like fascist to fuck right so and he's not the only one there are plenty yeah I just kind of don't want to necessarily use examples like that because I don't want to necessarily clasp them as like certain things are like whether they're suffering from the same issues or are there are issues I guess that's for us to be discussed as such I really know about fascists you should listen to 12 volts actually so yeah that's an awesome but I do listen to 1200 through am I at yes I actually wondered think I wonder if they were there to cover this by the way canonical cigarettes yes it'd be good if they did actually cuz I don't know enough about it so okay so I have been thinking about this a lot and as I say I will kind of like refer to it more from like a sort of internalized misogyny sort of perspective so when we look at someone for instance actually some who was it I think someone was saying someone tweeted it out I don't know how much we agree with it or not is there like tabs are the sort of modern well not modern um no it's like the the equivalent of the alright and the feminist me Lou well they're not a joke on Twitter and stuff lately about how they're like apparently funded by all right groups on the way yeah I've been hearing this yeah I don't know how many like altar but some like roots have definitely got strong links with the alright movement in particular in the US again ah let us know if it's like taking us over thought we don't think spread false propaganda I got a nod so I think if true several nods and a thumbs up yes can I raise a cheer I'm kidding don't cheers perturbs no what are we done no no but basically so I guess yeah someone was saying like that is like the new sort of authorize such wait I want to also read out a little thing that I wrote down about this that was really just a bit of so when we talk about internalized misogyny and someone wrote it really really about well misogyny functions as an ideology or belief system that has a company approach patriarchal or male-dominated societies for thousands of years and continues to place women in subordinate positions and with limited access to power and decision making Aristotle concetto no but okay original families no no that's the thing Aristotle condemned that women exist as natural deformities or imperfect males and since then this is what we have right this is why we have like that sort of and as I say like you I know you were mentioning more like you know mobile internalized transphobia but like I'm just not gonna go there so I'm gonna talk more about like own perspectives so I think since then we are still fighting that thing that we're like not good enough and I personally come from like an Eastern European background where like still to this day I think probably my relatives are a bit sad I wasn't the boy like it's like a whole thing but um basically and I think the reason why perhaps people do do it like that and I kind of get it because I'm trying to like sell out there like right now currently myself I'm poor I wanna like have more money not sell out caching it's a different thing but um I guess Adam said it did sound like a you know throwing it out you're bringing it in [Laughter] so that basically it you are just attempting to be closer to power and in historically power has been were like white streets men but what they don't do well I find interesting about like for example if we don't wear like female fascists a is that they don't they don't try and be more like men they try to go into a role of womanís that pleases men right in order like so puppies yeah okay I say base like I'm so sorry I'm actually this is a different drunkenness that this skis would be by the way it's been fascinating anyway so sorry this is engine it's just what we do we talk about it's a living room conversation you guys shouldn't even be here but you are fine yeah if you have straight answer straight my point was that a lot of the networks that we're talking about like where where these sort of I guess outliers from the stereotypical walk movement are are funded by big money and have liked very much I know sis why dudes around them there are like massively championing if they have that second person around them and they were and they will like do everything to keep them and and and so like Robinson is like I got Muslim friends like yeah yeah but basically like especially in the US and like I think it's more of a u.s. phenomena than it is here yama like basically the amount of money that goes into those networks and and and and and and so these individuals like receive huge payouts basically so i think it's a fucking an arco benefactors no i think well because you know we don't reproduce capitalism so it won't be just for a bit yeah so i think basically there's a lot of power that there's a lot of money that if you are an outlier you found your thing basically yeah I imagine you you could be like everyone else but then you find your thing and it's bringing you material supports I can kind of see it especially if you are really from a secur background I mean again like I bring in you would just say that like for them being rich and being like is more important than being FEMA in terms of like there's things that they're prioritizing like gender foldout is lower than like not to say that there aren't plenty of people like in real world I don't know like we we meet I know that you meet those women all the time it's just it's just like no woman shouldn't be a president right there are plenty of women that think that or like women shouldn't go into high office a woman shouldn't be CEOs you know it happens all the time definitely where I come from like back in Eastern Europe is just like yes this whole thing like it's it's it's man's walls as as it should be but it's also I think to bring in this this quote you know that I just read out it's just like we've been subjected to this for thousands of years so it's it then it only recently like really within our lifetime have been trying we've been trying so I challenge this right you get it through like lean in feminism as well where it's like be the chairwoman instead of the chairman and like you know which I wouldn't call like fascist but like the like pro-capitalist versions of feminism and other things and like LGBTQ and particularly gay men there's a lot of like visibility through corporate means that is championed which is critique appalled by us I think also like I was just actually just on my way here was listening to a podcast I want us oh man I feel really bad I forgot their names actually plugged them but they not every days no we're not maybe working-class history maybe not but um they were doing it would be too cute special the last few days so basically it was about the miners strike and and I think it's a GSM so lesbians and gays for supporting miners so 40 miners or the – support – and so this was an incredible man incredible I guess marriage and the two movements with the burgeoning Claridge of the proportioning movement of growth of LGBTQ rights and in the 80s as well as the the huge minor strikes and there was a an organization that was found around and one of the people was talking about it and he was like look I was a I was a minor kid like a kid that was gonna be a minor I was a minor I knew I was gay internally but I hated everything about that I internalized so much of my like so much homophobia I hated myself I went to GP to cure myself you know basically and then only eventually he might like they found comrades then we're empathetic enough and then they you know they version to be who they are right now all right babe and all of that stuff but like what if you are not lucky enough to have these people what if you do go through incredible periods of yeah trauma and rejection and only see and then you find out these like white wing people they go like yeah babes we're gonna be you're like we're gonna be your family you can honey you can be on a poster just do what you're doing kind of hate the Liberals a bit that's really a Charlie feeling yeah yeah so I don't know if that answers the question I hit the toilet can we have a break okay five minute break I look at the toilet right no it's okay so I hope that answers your question I know it's a complicated one because it's like yeah again if we could have like this is a million dollar question right like if we could answer they're doing this because of this and if we only had a counter to that then yeah world revolution so easy no like it a people's traumas people's material needs necessities thousands of years paid Cherokee it fucks with us and I do think as people on the Left we need to like really seriously interrogate the reasons why women why people of color why like trans and LGBTQ people join the alright and also not not put it down to one thing or another thing or another thing because there I'm probably a lot of complicated personal reasons to do with yeah financial reasons but also maybe a ideology and maybe also self-denial limiting we suck at like creating communities the left we're cold we're all of the time emotionally unavailable it's really very very difficult for us to unknown not difficult but they say we have really fucked it in terms of being inviting a lot of the time yeah because we are elitist a lot of the time so and are like desire to keep every place safe and like nor upset people rightly leaves the lobby or feeling scared or speaking which is also why we're doing this channel as well we do on the left need to work out for ourselves why marginalized groups are becoming fascist and what we can do to yeah that's yeah I mean I also a but I work sorry just the last thing and I know it's okay I'm fine I have my whole thing so I work it like well I trying to cover the gaming industry from I can I know thank you I have to go back to it as well but um and I call out women all the time way way more than I call out men a long time because of like our sort of corporate feminism that we create the lack of attention so where's the woman in global South in terms of the creation of our hardware I do this all the time on Twitter a lot and I think people kind of see me as like oh so you're with the dudes right but because you're a call-out woman all the time but my argument is like no because we've been oppressed way more we should know better we should fucking mother do you think it is a problem that we hold women to higher standards let me hold men and marginalized groups in German we hold to a higher standard of like walk nice that we do like oh you know the just way straight man he doesn't know any better it's like we should stop patronizing them and bring them the fuck up while still retains he calling up women on their like hypocritical bullshit I think this is also a me issue I've actually kind of admitted this a little bit maybe this is problematic book fuck it it is what it is I respect right-wing people it's truly a bit more than I respect centrists like our stories that are more than respective dams and like independent group if I have an opinion honestly like so there's a said about like yeah people that have just like that's it they're far gone but like at least there's like an ideology behind nuts rather than like kind of people that are kind of like yeah but we're trying to but we're not really I don't yeah yeah or just like we're already so progressive as is so that's why that's what that's my thing with women is like we should know better and we should not say same offenses because historically we have been oppressed and and so yeah it's kind of a bit of a I think but I do feel that perhaps that makes it look like oh yeah I'm like produce but I'm no like I will fight right-wing until my last breath but it's just but centrist something about like that sort of like I just feel betrayed by women I don't like this way Street dudes I'm like well they're just doing that asshole thing and if a woman does that I'm like yeah yeah yeah yeah and I do think we need to not hai hold marginalize people to a higher standard I can only talk about women because that's just yeah this woman or what not but like I do and I will because like it's not that fucking hard to be supportive of like sisters that flight gone through the same chance yeah no I mean and they're still going through the same shit and the reason why you have a platform that you do is because people have even fought for you to even have this platform yeah I mean I agree and like the people on the right to you are gonna fuck you the first one not in that way like the first moment they get all right – it's only the salmon so five minutes okay okay next question it's your turn to read okay hello I'm an Aspie so someone with Asperger's syndrome Asperger's as Poitras I think budgets but I'm not sure I think pretty sure it's girls I'm pretty sure he's like that's bugger yeah barges with a jerk SB this makes it easier and it's very difficult for me to initiate and maintain a conversation with any stranger make it very difficult for me to find love but I think it's perfectly fine for me once I'm familiar with the person what tips can you suggest to help me out with the situation is there a way to get a girl a tractor without doing much of the talking smiley face I mean I love talking so doesn't talk about this they ask good questions robot stuff right well I mean which Spri conversation first so you have a conversation first oh hi hi where now we have very different dating lives can I have yours no but I have also signed up to tinder recently but like having good question if you don't want to talk a lot having good interesting questions is a number one tip from me like no just hey how are you what was your day like but like which of the last 52 American presidents would you shy where avoid like a shock marry avoid scene I'm sorry it's Nick it's interesting I never do that to me what's going on oh my god I have a really good one can you do now kind of okay but they're all terrible that's the whole point yeah okay shag marry avoid border guard a prison officer riot cop thanks Wow legend shag marry avoid this is not kill kill kill definitely kill camera could be actually you don't get done for like threatening officials or something I mean we're not monetized as is we should be monetized to watch more of our content but if you watch our content we could eventually get monetized yeah yeah we're on we're on 600 hours and we need to be on 4,000 hours so okay get watching peeps right so sorry again you can all do it shag marry a voyage prison officer riot caught border guard so in your head though because really this is for we this is what sort of thing we would be doing if it's just the two of us but now our answer okay shag my oh boy okay Beauregard riot cop prison officer border guard policeman why cops specifically the red called and prison officer I would marry the riot god because they have a higher wage probably like their whore up in terms of the police I mean you've really get something out of the relationship so that that's just that I thought I would shock them because they're gonna be people high on drugs me really pumped and into it no that's the president officer so yeah okay fuck the prison officer and then kill the border guard yeah I mean fine I think I'd shag up your girl with that that's just it to me it seems like the border guard is also like the closest actually life-and-death situation so in prison go Oh master well Sookie depends what the prison is as well like we're talking very much like Britain centric here yeah I'm talking Britain centric but like prison officers also like commit very specific assaults and so I don't like well what's your answer shag a riot cop they're huge bears these days yeah exactly yeah kill a prison officer marry a border guard it would take your places I can I check in all of my like knives for free I hey what's the park here what's the part I definitely laughed about my bag and like ruin my beautiful packing right but basically they're all terrible and they should all die we neither of us for the sentence were safe [Laughter] anyway to the question the grocery story so to be fair I guess I had I had the privilege of few people close to me to have like given me some answers because again it's sort of like question where like you don't necessarily don't feel qualified to answer it and again thank you so much guys again isn't it fascinating what a poverty and lack of a program like this there is that we're getting questions that we always go like have yep we're not we're not like like we know we're not shouldn't be the ones answering this but the way that sanity al-quran side also like in the future in five years time it's it's it's it's an umbrella organization specific lots of different specific people like answering their like each other we are able to answer in as much as if I were to be hit on by someone with Asperger's how would I want that to go so we can be like the girl in the situation right yeah I'm also now gonna be doing just teeny-tiny of policing of the audience or just really really just like to explain why should to explain basically why because a little bit of the criticism that we do receive is just like we are just too white those girls that are answering these questions we're very much aware of that and be people I go like why don't you get like I guess you know like you know our transpose or like a person of color you know like to to give their perspective on these sort of questions and like you see how it sounds it sounds tokenistic a spot yeah like so we don't want we don't get like the token P or feel like people of color feel like yeah because it's subjective as fuck and we very much acknowledge I think our own limitations in this conversation and I think another thing is like it's really important for us to like keep the dynamic that we have which is kind of like Panther and a bit silly and the kind of living room situation it's just like if we get like uh someone like really legit and actually with us yeah then that would just be like we'd have to I don't know then it would put us in terms more for like an expert situation which is just something we're not and like we made jokes we fuck up we talk about our own sex life this is not the same we wouldn't have guessed in the future but they wouldn't be a guest because they're trans or because they're POC or because they're a prisoner this would be there be a guest because that we wouldn't have that they have something unique to contribute because of them yeah not they're like yeah so yes okay now for reals to go back to the question so yeah as I said I had like the provincial high couple of my friends she like I'm sorry sorry this doesn't give me time with the person in the video Oh rightio sound oh okay yeah yeah so what did they say yeah so I guess I just have a couple of bullet points I'll try to get through them as such and I think out of those you'll have plenty to like kind of confirm or deny on all of the steps okay so first reaction and I obviously sent us well obviously we received those anonymously and I've sent it to a couple of my friends being like hey we have no idea who it is so so really it was just like really close trying sooo we did that the same one thing with the sex worker question yeah I would try to get whenever we're not specifically relating to somebody we try to get a million from those engaged because we don't want to like speak over anyone sometimes sometimes we haven't done that for its own specific reasons but anyways so one of their reactions was first of all mate like to just be like hey I'm gonna meet someone at the party and we'll be happily ever after that's some movie bullshit that never happens yes and they like put it very very specifically that and I think that was really really useful contribution that like even if you are because I guess are like it's the reciprocal sort of sorry like world of how interact like very much sort of supports the idea that it is like that and I think people know world but yeah so basically they were like first of all get rid of that idea no one has a happy ever oh yeah and what they said it's just that they have found it easier to either use internet because there are no stupid social cues and whether someone is interested or not you can just literally ask that or you can like leave the conversation whenever you want to and actually from what I know from them they have been like quite successful finding long-term relationships where that can I engage with these point by point because on that point I find it really interesting because one of the critiques of internet dating is that it's really hard to read tone right and someone who has Asperger's finds it in social situations hard to read tone anyway so like without that added level of being able to tell from someone's like emoji or specific like use of a full stop s of exclamation mark what their tone is like I'm really interested by the fact that that's actually a helpful Avenue not a much harder Avenue because of those cues they've nonverbal they've written cues yeah I think they've also really which I found it really a really interesting that they're kind of like hey we don't need to kind of like live in the shadows you can totally be like hey I didn't necessarily get that does that mean this so does that mean that that's so true and they might rather that yeah that I'm actually really true can't only do that so maybe that's a really good point actually if you don't know what I means ask yeah yeah yeah and not to be felt we should be doing that more of that anyway in every other station but that's something actually in the really I don't know I'd say this this is gonna sound a bit like the word is not the word I'm gonna sound is way more oh the word I'm gonna use this way more I think it's more baggage than actually the word I mean in my head but maybe my English or whatever but it's a certain maybe what the thing will come out from this answers like certain fetishization or whatnot but like what I'm saying here is that like we have made up so many weird social cues that are not real that are just like this like sort of peacock like the paradise bird sort of dance like kind of courting that we do as people that like are trying to play games in something that worked games in our first episode yeah we said like fuck games and I still fucking stand by that and yeah this whole like you know oh I didn't to me oh they're not like oh my god they're not something like I'm honest I'm 20 I'm too old for this shit yeah you either are you know if you're gonna go to me then we're over this is not a lie yeah hard to get situation and I think this that's a bit of a left especially because and now I know that but from a tender man like it's ripe of that bullshit yeah like my god everyone's like you know way too cool for school to to have any sort of if you don't need to test me I'm gonna if you don't like me and go over you stat yeah like I'm not gonna be like oh maybe I should try this No so it's a bit of a like basically we have really fucked our own situation by like creating these yes we are also very much put on us by I think by societal pressure and pop culture as well women shouldn't be direct right like men should do the chase saying you should play play it cool be like oh I can't me this week Oh me next week yeah I can even read like you to meet you now yeah I just mean this and that's the very social anti social interaction disguised as some kind of dating dance and to be honest fuck that shit if you're gonna not respond to my text you don't deserve my response well you say this and I say this and we know it's true but we are like a we're like a slit of a tiny minority out there the real world outside of you it's fucking crazy man and I've kind of dipped in on in and out of it like right now yeah we went clubbing a little bit like we kind of noticed how it is out then we are well we did an IRL investigation into the dating habits of people in London and it was it was really we do this we're basically Mia or we do like we dress up like real well like real people were like you know boobs apps for short sale short skirts yeah and we go like Dawson all straight just to see how it is because we you know we take our job really seriously you're not going any ons so we go out and we see what's up you know we we spend way too much money on cocktails money that we don't have but you know we have a coffee link attached to all of our videos if you want to fund them it's literally just like fire status key I think okay we have now made about 30 pounds out of this I said like 18 pounds it was on the last show we got sent a bit more money okay that's good but I mean ya know it's still out there it's terrible so so we massively massively appreciate that's the whole play with social cues on bullshit it's so so fuckin real like it's just yeah I've no time someone like the whole like being mean to keep them keen if you mean I don't want to talk to you you me I mean yeah don't me mean to someone new fancy like do you mean an . but particularly if someone you wanna like have sex with like okay so I'm like okay like an alignment okay sorry yeah next one next one so another thing was so internet first and from there was like a hobbies and movements so like so basically if you're you know because if you're really interested in I don't know whoa will to planes or or crafting or or particular law you know or maybe you're like really obsessed with this particular the social movement basically what what I obsess is the wrong word to be fast yeah having a passion my understanding here is that again like a certain a certain expression sometimes of someone who has Asperger's Asperger's syndrome it's like a real real generosity of time towards something and like real passion to it and so like yeah engage with that all that and yet and yeah its traits away they said we're like yeah but don't do it just so like go get laid like cuz that's fucking weird unlike don't do but also like I'm so I'm part of this a Facebook relationships groups called that relationship sounds exhausting and it's very interesting cuz people post about their relationships and get advice it's like kind of what we do but as a Facebook group but not oh good what we do so it's like nor me but someone was talking today about how their boyfriend who have Asperger's like info dumps on them and so like he's got these like very niche civic interests like something to do coding and he will Duff like he feels like physically like on like unable to rest until we get some information out and he like info dumps on her all of it about coding and all the advice was kind of similarly to what you're saying was like instead of infra dumping on her like join our Facebook group either like there are Facebook groups for every niche interest now like it and that's a really good way of like one meeting people but also getting your like hobby out of your system it so your overwhelm a partner because yeah like that is a and like a low people in comments were like I have Asperger's or autism and I do this I do this – and I've got mechanisms my partner or like yeah I like do it in a blog or I do it in a Facebook group or they saw this so it's a really interesting like I'm relating this question like if you have these these passions in his hobbies either you find someone who's equally passionate about them or you find ways of managing discussing the passion with them and with a group of people who've with similar interests yeah every passion has a fan base and yet you wouldn't shoot him just go there just so I get laid or something at best you can obviously that as lefty so we don't do that all the time Facebook specifically like Tory will do and like in my King Koopas for example around upon like I'm have a kink group called you put my kink and you're not allowed to go into someone to the MS without asking first and that's like a really good yeah Bob all I'm saying is that's actually a very good way of doing that like you can eat Sony people through online forums yeah yeah right then I go yeah so I think perhaps rather than like trying to flirt right away perhaps will be kind of quite straight up decline what is interesting about you you know so being like I know maybe it's like the COO is think you know that it was about yourself like started talking about that and that will immediately I get someone attracted a lot of us like I don't know maybe we're just you try to do that but like what you never one should be because then you just sound like an arrogant fuck but I mean there are ways to approach that in like I think in like a way that would be a conversation sorry straight away and that's just done and now you're ready in flux I mean I use that now like for example like I love that Greg not actually not us like awkward but like I like think people who I don't know that I was a famous static media in Austria cuz you fuckers like to be been London that's like a kind of a weird thing and it's like it's like my like you know my conversation piece if you like and that's so I use that when I'm feeling socially could and I could do having these people I'm like I was a stand-up comedian once I can either get on the road to my comedy or going down the route of talking about why it was terrible I had to leave off to you by the way it's like created a yeah that happened I know it's because of the comedy because the comedy I don't know how to explain us it's the best it's basic occupy our groans but it's actually funny because it's ro and and someone else doing it like in a really really funny way like it's superb you should call you should check it out it's called home for Alice following Alice and yeah but it went sour and I'd leave coach but either way there's like it's my it's my go to like fun fact about me for a stranger and it works every time and say like yeah that's actually really good at other thing is like people like being ask questions and listen to so you know again what we talked about the little games yeah but previously but just like there are quite a few things that you can just like ask straight away that like are also like beginners or conversations are not only a suppose so yeah I just put out such I mean this kind of requires a bit more of a rehearsal I suppose what your favorite dinosaur oh my god I'm already I think it's the one would like a really tall man if a tiny tiny head there's a cheryan one I like it yeah okay okay yeah and then basically they really really talk about like even if you think someone is into you verbal like consent is great and if but if you are worried of misunderstanding asking again is perfectly cool and it's yeah it's basically it's absolutely fine that's maybe I think one of things we need to discuss with this and also with we've created a monster thing is that there's different ways of asking and I think that is actually quite important like rather than like I like you can we fuck there's like I've really noticed conversation a see what anythi where they say like hey like that was super funny like you're super funny like honestly around like the lot of my notes for that particular question and some service grating once that actually came from a whatsapp conversation yeah something the you said which was really really perfect like you said surely the better questions asked would be like hey maybe perhaps we click tonight would you think that and you said that that yeah we're cool and that's the sort of thing that perhaps and I think let me say it like ask can be direct we don't mean I like you coming back we mean yeah that's what yeah it happens to me Felicity understanding that like not just applying to you but applying to a low of a question as I think has happened fell together a really nice person by the way if you want yeah thank you for your question yeah but like you know the person's actually did that oh oh other than that your loss yeah I was like you know ever hit a miss it happened yeah but like yeah there's a way of being like yeah I think we really clicked an eye or like super funny which hang out again and you can get you can get a vibe from those kind of questions without going straight in for the jugular of like let's funk Euler you know I'm sorry everyone okay and then the other person I'm now moving on to them is just like luckily they've been happy right they've been lucky enough to kind of get approached themselves but they were quite open about them being available and that's another thing it's just like how do they do that how do you how do you flag it you're available without being like hi I'm Roman I'm single well I think I can there are ways of doing that but I mean I don't know I mean again it's way of doing that for us they are just like I guess we can find a way to do it as such but I mean I don't know if you honestly like cuz I've really loving though that wasn't there just like they're frustrated they're like yeah I'm kind of like kind of Awesome I'm single but shouldn't because I'm I would kind of because I think that all the time about myself yeah I'm great how do you know appreciate it we kind of haven't had like a the best time and recently as such but there's such absolute legends and I think that was their way kind of like putting themselves out there and they like kind of gone through something shape Wow again again this could be totally like oh hey like I have this like X thing going on that's totally bullshit so this is a super support to be manipulative like you know but like there's a certain way and I don't think we're now demonstrating the best ways of doing this but there are ways of perhaps be like us but how do you feel your finger in an ongoing way say you're single you're saying that you're available I think that's a different way of saying it how do you I don't know if you don't know how I was I'm 19 soul all right miss Braga Lauri is this whole thing not only have I not been single I've had multiple partners and that has brought the many anyways anyways I'm so sorry the fact that you have an account that doesn't mean you've actually done anything all right oh yeah I have an account they were also saying agent practice helps a lot because you learned to camo camouflage certain things which is a very beauty pass the mating time that they use camouflage isn't like oh so I am like the people around me right like I'm like the trees no it's sadly it's fucked yeah oh so I am also as fucking manipulative and terrible as everyone else I don't think that's what they meant but basically this kind of impose are like hiding their true so all the pressure they're hiding the true self to create a persona that is like more socially acceptable it's great I mean I understand it's a necessity unfold as it but it's bad yeah because it's like honestly the mainstream is fucking shit yeah so no one we should be doing that we all hide our true selves yeah it's like yeah that's true we all camouflage ourselves to be way more normal than we throw fucks or lack of but anyway so as you age everything that feels so crucial at the time because a bit less intense I don't know if that's helpful as such I know again the age of youth person that's ask me the question thousand like you will again with a lot of mental health something that I heard or found is just like we create and that was a beautiful analogy that someone said I am NOT going to be able to give justice to it but um the way that one should be sing mental sometimes perhaps it's like it's a it's like a slope just and then there are certain caves paths that have already been made and such and it's very difficult to get out of those and so that's how I see also my mind it's just like it it kind of falls into certain patterns it's a pattern idea so it's it's very difficult to get out of that so my anxiety goes like okay this and that means then that means that okay I'm in the pits now but sometimes if you can like yeah just basically I think through hit and miss if you find that you kind of break out of those things and things a bit less intense because it's just like all of the time basically you realize what was like the pits actually is not as intense and of the world they're like you can actually go the other way or it's actually yeah and also that the potential thing is not also like the highest stakes like if you get or do not get that person all that thing that's also not the end of the world like rejection is yeah exactly rejection is not the end of the world like and that's a really important lesson I think that comes with age so I was literally about to say that song I think you've learnt better than me and that's why you're better at actually hitting on people who you fancy than me because you are less scared of attrition to me yes actually like like I am so terrified of rejection that I will not put myself out there I just won't and I thought I've always said this to you that something I really admire about you is that you do put yourself out there it's just a bit of a like I know it's like I would regret it if I didn't do the extra mile and I don't think I've ever done in the creeper way tell me if I have I don't think I was just like I always like send that extra message yeah and I always give you the advice to do that I'm like yeah tell them how you feel yeah what's not to leave but I don't do it myself yeah I think yeah food but I never regret that I did it because in any way it was it was more like oh should we meet again and and as well to be fair they also you know we say so socializing can be very taxing and a lot of this bullshit really is and then like the framing of your question was very much like how do I get things in like a social situation but like a lot of it will be taxing and like finding ways to get out of that particular situation in like a big room that so many many like avenues these days to do that and it's fine but is it like it depends on your like friendship circles like do you get invited to make parties do to have smaller gatherings that the closer circles are friends like how are you meeting people like the rules all annoyingly differ in these different situations right and there are plenty of Facebook groups these days as well even about just like oh you know support for people as well just absolutely and you can totally like thank you so much for posting this to us but like there are also very like plenty of like more special specific specific groups to address this is cool that you brought advice from people like you relate I think it's pretty well the really good framework for the questions thank you yeah thank you and I hope I gave that just this because they were like we're gonna fuckin watch this so I think I'm sorry for veering off the question a bit more in the beginning of the question yeah yeah yeah we need to know whether we shoud go right at cop or not all right by the way there are likes marks in the audience there aren't they're not just dad did you actually smile a bit no dad okay next question with that one okay and I need a break we all feel good kyoool okay ah and calm wobbly married to the love of my life so see what I'm come abolish and I do and I double yeah we you so International Workers of the world activist yeah person that married to the love of my life together for 10 plus years our relationship is supportive passionate and extremely communicative sorry also my jealousies speaking through I have become you find that because I actually thought that they're lying oh we haven't finished question yet I have become much more active in direct direct action and organizing the past few months and I can tell inherently it's wearing on my wife she knows this is important to me and our worldviews align but she has no desire to participate which is entirely her right and perogative struggling with the visceral imperative i feel to do my part to fight the good fight while still maintaining the healthy relationship we're both enjoyed for so long please here doing the show the work you're doing is critical thank you okay great question well great ending I feel like I'll be something to feelings about this alright yeah you the feelings so first first enforcers are glued on so it's awesome that you say that you have been involved more in the sort of direct organizing in the in the last couple months if not a year or so and like sadly are finding it out the hard way I can just tell you that there is a honeymoon period so that it will most definitely probably clash like crash at some point and you kind of want to keep things that are real to you for good basically yeah so I had my be what like two or three years honeymoon period word to me like the dark action organizing and like lifestyle anarchism like squatting and all of the demos and just like cycling on my bike into the sunset after school party I'm like go on a demo to after two hours of sleep and then like give me an occupation like he honestly it was all just it just all thing like I said you dream and it was all like such a you know I mean it was such a revelation to have found this community and yeah like a couple of dancing I had like nervous breakdowns and like absolutely fell out with the law of people it was the country as in maybe you're a bit older and you know how to like like so dip yourself in and out sort of thing I guess we were quite young definitely doesn't sound like you feel your world but it doesn't sound like you've been an anarchic communist or a wobbly recently I found it like those things a lot ongoing and it's just a like if politics have always been there but is so now I submit to my second point do your politics alive cuz this is fascinating to me as I'm like so you have all of these political opinions that you probably like really go through in a very really wrong in a very wrong way throughout your day throughout your organizing and then you come back home and it's the stuff that you have experienced as well as like your hardline political actions is it something that your partner's proud of is willing to support off and are they actually thinking like demonstrations amazing or like I don't know occupations amazing or is it just like cool you do you bad maybe a bit more of a liberal like it's not a wild views a line but she doesn't want to participate so maybe she's just like you know an armchair manic that's fine I feel like I'm you're like AutoKey but that was like look surely there must be a way for you to introduce them and they're really like soft ways as such you know so not necessarily this have to be okay we're now occupying this fucking the workplace or or like we're doing this like hardcore stuff like Clapton games I mean I'm sorry this week sometimes happens it's just like so so so captain is like CFC an amazing former club that basically it's a space for joy and celebration there's a Football Club it's like very very explicitly anti-fascism all that stuff but it's full of joy and politics but that's not organizing in politics is a fun party so okay so yeah so what we're trying to say here is that basically that you don't necessarily have to have your partner be in those spaces of you doing the actual politics but they can be still very much Lord and Sue the the sort of the rewards that she gets out of that sort of political organizing and I mean are you I will use again a gaming an analogy right so again I've also heard about these sort of types of relationship dynamics where someone is really really into gaming and is like a really like hardcore gamer and then their new newly found partner just isn't just like it's not instant anymore no no but like oh yeah okay but I think there are ways of Oh for instance you go to the loading bar together which is like a pub that is gaming themed in London and then you basically you have a night there and or you maybe you could just go to some like random like gaming tournament that also has like a gig on the side like that is also like very much a mainstream event that it doesn't necessarily have that much gaming like they're all of like fighting games tournaments that I have grime gigs on the side of them or or eSports events that have like lots of cool like kind of like silh British sightings and them and/or arcades that also have I mean I don't know if there's a plenty of like couples that just go to arcades that's like a funny cheesy date I'm using gaming analogy here as something to to kind of explain that politics can also doesn't necessarily have to mean this like hardcore organizing there are ways of like creating the you know the politics of seduction as we call it right just make it attractive go to some place that is illegal and like hang out that that the kind of gives you that sort of like we're against the world sort of thing right a couple of places that you me know or like I don't know like do a few actions that are a bit out of your comfort zone a bit like kind of rebellious especially since you guys have been together for years like maybe he needs to like reenact that sort of thing that you've had years ago that was probably a bit more rebellious and like if you could bring back that magic that we are against this fucked up system that we're in and of course it will be performative it'll be it will feel weird at the time and yet they might just bring that some sort of like free spirit back maybe I don't know I agree with everything you said it was I read the question like really differently was really like my impression was not that he I mean I've got it wrong was not that he wanted to like get his like wife more involved in organizing more that he wanted to try and figure out the balance between like being there for his wife with Politico but maybe not active but also doing his act with himself again and so like my like relation to this in my head was like when you're dating someone that doesn't really go on demos but does maybe politics in a different way through like blogging or as you know just like reading books and talking about them and you wanna go in there and I think that's actually really okay like if you want to go in the demo and you've got like friends and stuff there as well like I don't think you should like your wife and you didn't you could disagree with this but like I don't think your wife or anyone should feel obligated to go there and enjoy that thing just because that is your way of expressing her politics acquitting has a lots of different ways of expressing a positive and unfortunately he hasn't talked about the ways in which his wife its project except for thing to have us in world view but maybe by like well maybe okay so yeah so lastly thought I don't know it's just like again it seems to me like they have an issue of guilt right so I wonder if the thing that has affected the relationship has like last time spent together so yeah it's a time issue but that's really interesting because on one hand I wouldn't be like hey so you should just have a conversation about like you know some sort of scheduling in terms of timings and all that stuff on the other hand I want to say it's something it's actually a conversation I had recently with someone just because you're spending some time on this particular thing doesn't mean that you wouldn't be spending that time on like for instance like you're sick relative right like it's just or something that would you would be feel we really oblique and let's do that's probably how this person's feelings that they're really obligated to do this and yet yeah I don't know like if you are now after 10 years somehow spending like half less time with your partner then used to of course they're gonna have an issue and that's but this is my point like I don't think the onus should necessarily be on the wife to engage with his interest yeah I think the onus should also be on him to recognize that whilst his political mission is important his dedication to preserving because I gained I what you know in a honeymoon period anymore you're at ten years in like he should also recognize if she doesn't want to do x y&z political thing that is valid and maybe he should also like I don't know take it to the countryside for two days like do you think that she's interested in cuz our interests even though they're not political percent potentially are also valid like if she's really into gardening garden with her she's really into sailing sail with her if she's really talk about my interest was interested in Yoshi crochet with her I don't know like yeah I mean in the way look honest which but yeah isn't like there seems to be a guilt that my clearly engaging and that as much whatever that's so okay honestly I don't think you needed to mention that it's all the political what are you doing here that is so important and you're just trying to make it cool for your partner because sadly like I've seen way too many men and like that's not you that's me projecting absolutely but she's like man like I'm doing so much important political work like babes like just get on with the program I'm actually saving the world like fuck that if you think yeah if you're banging your partner if your shitty a relationship I don't give a shit if you're saving fucking that little African children I'm now using an absolute sterotypical at the poem very much who I have that about like like you're dealing with you now all of a sudden becoming like a better person than you ever yeah in that sort of very very nice very a very scene seems their sort of sense yeah cuz you probably just met people that you want to hang out with it's not the mission that's probably getting you out of the house now it's probably cool people like a sense of like a community that has got you out of that house but if you're also not simultaneously putting equal time in your relationship then that's not you that's a usually don't give a shit whether their palate was politics or not it could be poker it could be gaming could be like gardening like whatever it is that people do so yeah so yeah I think it's it's very sweet of you and actually that was this particular wording that kind of like I don't think I necessarily wrote it down but you're like oh like I really want to keep still doing this like incredible work that massively fulfills me but you know I have this issue it's just like I don't give a shape is like incredible work that massively fulfills you like it or whatever it's just like it could be waste man work that no one gives a shit about and yes you do have responsibilities to your partner yeah your hobbies or hobbies and like there might be political hobbies which is great because I hope we'll put public political hobbies but at the end the day like yeah if you're not putting time and care and love into your relationship then that yeah it's kind of like I kind of feel like you're kind of lying a little bit here and I'm so sorry to be doing this but like you're saying like we are in a long-term correlation that's extremely communicative so but if it was extremely communicative you wouldn't be messaging us like you would not be answering us you would already have already had those conversation with your partner clearly there is something that is now being communicated and that probably is either you have spent more time on something else and she just kind of wants you back either you are not aligned politically but this is my question like what does she actually feel does she feel neglected does she feel abandoned is this you projecting like have you had this conversation with her because it's one thing if you've had this conversation with her and you're like I want to keep doing my politics but my wife wants me to go like crocheting with her is another thing if you're projecting this whole analysis without having spoken to her and like basically like the boring advices to African wife yeah yeah but again our ways of doing this for instance I admitted this quite recently to a lot of my shame in the last episode that like I'm going through a period right now with my partner where we're having to kind of kind of like XO file a bit of our controllers like schedule events or like game affine was that like basically there's a date every week that we are checking in on each other on three different questions kind of on a like point scale system which sounds like a bit sad me but that we're doing this I regret like I I resent that I don't think it's out I think it's actually awesome because we're like we've been better since then like we have like in the past when we didn't have that conversation so even if you had to like game a fight like that like that's fine as well so basically like are you sure and be assured on this point are you assured on that point like also like I mean I know I can totally see how it would be your partner that would be asking us the same question yeah right but I hey fucking adore my partner he seems to be a way all of the time these days like doing really really important work actually should we move to do that question a little bit that is kind of the one that is sorry so this the one where like I've been with my phone for a variable like just like a few how could that make another thing I mean it does relate but it seems to be like an exact opposite so be really interesting to to kind of check the box yeah well the move will you the videos together story is boring logistical no no separate let me never catch it randomly although I'll be notes that like these two are really it's a two-parter maybe yeah but we see the two I'm the person I'm the other person honestly the mirror opposite of this question we have just received okay and I would kind of be interested in covering it now yeah let me find it fuck you let's do this what am I missing my favorite one I'm not they're all equally lovely and I love we just really really quick points I just wrote down there like I don't have to I don't think we have to address any we well I just have them so we're your political when you got together that's something to answer because maybe you weren't and perhaps perhaps religiously you have different political interests that's to me that would be a deal-breaker personally because usually I have found like fairly liberal boys and a making I'm at a spark putting in the emotional labor political but maybe to happen the other way around which is kind of something like we should assume that she's not political because he does same a similar worldview she's maybe dozen want to go to demos you're fine McLean about most HIV demo is a boring of thoughts not to say that we should be like snaps if she's like I'd rather like make sure we haven't got binary in the garden ago in this demo I'm not gonna be one to judge her you invite maybe invite your political activist difference to your house you know be like hey dinner party and you fucking meet them and she brings our friends as well absolutely like I don't want it to feel like we are putting this like he's gonna be like boom why we're doing this thing and this thing and this thing and all my friend like you know we're gonna talk about how fucking cool yeah I feel like the wife isn't the problem and I'm scared that we are putting a lot of pressure on the wife to suddenly be at the beginning but also for him to do a labor on that well exactly but he was again included labor on the whole situation it sounds like like yes come I ate my orange go away I won't eat the orange who doesn't need that orange efficient people I don't buy me them and then also are you wearing on on your life basically I can totally see also a fucking and it situation they come back home and like oh my god this politically in this particular demo on oh my god cops were like that also did you hear about the legal cases are coming up also it's fully under Nussbaum not sure but have you seen the story hustings and it's just like the basically just banging on about your asking though about how their day was yeah because politics are so important yeah I mean I do that you don't you're like we're gonna watch the hustings but you're not like and and that's more important than anything else yeah because honestly Antiques Roadshow is also just as cool yeah we wish both last night and I were getting off yeah the Pisan like I wonder if you don't see the things that I have definitely slipped in myself it's just me like the world is burning the world is burning and we should be very very explicit about our politics and we should be really really I don't know like active about our resistance to that we should be and like I do I do understand perhaps your frustration that you would like for your perhaps what to be feeling as as urgently about this as you are maybe she doesn't want to go on a fucking demo yeah like she's like oh yeah maybe she's got like a sick Twitter account that is like vatika lysing everyone yeah like everyone has their own different ways of engaging people organizing and you're not necessarily better and also not just not to say that I didn't also fall into this trap this whole like my quite fairly recent revelation about diversity of tactics it is a reason I grew up very much in life more my late teens up to I would say 24 really really believing that there really is the only way to to to to to do politics is is to be there out there and streets which I still think is probably the majority but I read a bit of Graham Street about cultural hegemony and about changing it's so good they say it's like a Gooch yeah whoops just watch sure that has like a Gucci logo but some Gucci goes grams yeah yeah can I kill a piece up what we went in class history you should definitely buy your classes through Twitter account they have their shop yeah excellent I get to we can wear them for like fall shows no but we definitely should just wear it and grant you special also if anyone else wants to give us their merch that we like sell ourselves on Sood that'd be great yeah we all wear much for the price of it is East you should already fucking view should be funding you should be finding us but anyways okay so shall we do the intellectual quest I know so so and not maybe we'll land by then or something yes I'm feeling it yeah Co you can totally see Joey micrometer yeah I'm wearing do it do it like kardashian-style do that no no no Jacobs for the for the crushing crow bow called going once alright so we can end all this let's see how people are doing after this one but I think it'll be a really interesting like sort of Mary's breakthrough so drinks what so what's the vibe in okay baby do you want to pee or something I mean I would need to pee but that's off like a me thing I think okay let's do this one and I think we'll be fairly quick in the sense okay this one yeah yeah this one reader yeah okay no just because I have feelings happy baby that's I'm insisting you is this okay Ron don't like I'm okay yeah okay because I'm thinking like you're feeling I don't you break we can break after this and I see if we come back for long runs very late yeah okay cool can you roll me one I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm totally abusing our star perfect yeah but although she's really sorry so you know no I'm having straight it's not I feel like yeah yeah no it's also we're drunk enough now so you can do this okay so this is the sort of mirror opposite by things fascinating hi I love your guys channel that's something I'm going to try to hyper simplify my question for the sake of not sending guys and se I'm a sister woman I guess in a long-term relationship with the sassette guy as the years have combines become more apparent that we differ in terms of our needs for an expression of affection and intimacy emotionally for me I really need them and I really need a love to give and receive affection and intimacy but he has far less of a need for that we're still very much in love and he's happy to accept the affection I give the idea but makes way more weight less of an effort to do so himself he's a very dedicated serious intellectual type who's always worried his wasting time if he's not reading eight of plus eight plus hours I'm new I think on a project which I love and admire about him but it often makes him very emotionally unavailable for example our complement how he looks all the time he tells me I'm pretty at cetera like maybe three times a year we have sex like once a month at most good for me has become rare and he hardly says or does sweet things for me or pumps me up anymore etc etc it just makes me feel sad and a bit take it for granted as a romantic partner I've spoken to him about several times but he always seems to slip back into this have you guys dealt with similar situations yeah I I worried that this is becoming a lefty square Lefty's sort of this show which is kind of a bit annoying so we're sorry for that but love you for alright viewers we'll have more content you tuned we are actually doing in self special sauce yeah yeah yeah what we're saying since especially it comes with lots of empathy and with a yes yeah so I heart himself I honestly like I started making this making notes on this and I was like I can't do this I have so many feelings of ants and I don't know if I will be necessarily be able to even express those mmm complicated in a few different parts I want to unpack so so I am so I have completely can see how I could have fallen into this sort of like a pattern with some people that have like thank fuck rejected oh you might you think you're the you're the dude in the situation no I'm the lady I'm not went for guys like this that I thought will save them if they only realize that I am the love of their lives and I'm sexy enough and I'm cool enough that they will just like settle down with me and like realize that the happiness in life is not just that that's actually also me and they'll be crazy about me and perhaps they have done that for a couple of years with this person maybe and it seems like they fall into this try don't know how long term as a problem like my only and very very serious a point of empathy with the dude I will say it's just like again I don't know the class of these people but I also some things I also think something to be said about people not necessarily men in this case at all actually that have ambition to be better become better have a more sustainable income and perhaps they have they have this insecurity they are constantly should be the concept they should be learning and are becoming better and if they're not doing that that they're wasting their time and basic is this like financial anxiety most of the time or like no in financial but like ambition anxiety that they haven't got to where they need to be yet so they're abandoning that relationship yeah I will say that there is a difference between financial anxiety and ambition site because I can totally see like a Boris Johnson character sort of like ignoring his relationships just because he wants to become Prime Minister my my take is that like I can see that anxiety manifested in the man but more that anxiety essentially boils down to is that you think your political work is more important than your relationship work that's right such a narrow therefore your political work is inherently not feminist because if you are saying that like fought the revolution I need to be reading these 10 texts a day and writing these like billion page articles that are gonna go up on fucking Taylor and Francis and be 40 quid a read that's your like drug ative but like if you're not there initially for your partner you're not a good feminist and therefore your memory should bullshit and I didn't give a fuck so I think there is a separation between I could be yes but I also think there's a separation between like direct action people and academia people there's no enemy people question right but that's it those two hardly intertwine and then I I don't think a piece I will share on this person even more as I'm like I don't think their inherent thoughts it's like how to bring up evolutions how do i reproduce myself in this particular world where i can i can be seen again as someone who has better ideas not to say that actually be born into directed action know they they possibly have no plans to everyone getting direct action but they'll write the paper on it with citations to the Lord like yeah yeah but I mean as it's even more politically that for desperate my worry is that like the I think women are you know the partner you know the person yes it was yes writing yes yeah the woman in the situation is feeling like essentially like could like in a previous question her partner is engaging in an activity that has nothing to do with how they take from the majority of a time I mean he can't be there for her I don't give a fuck if that yeah activity is saving orphans essentially she what she's saying is my partner is not here for me and he is meeting justifications based on politics like no I'm sorry no I've read the Hideaway was like drop the waste man honestly like absolutely way more than any other question that we were overhead but maybe I'm also protecting yeah but I'm also projecting but like like yeah because but this is a sock over him unfortunately the idea that I would partner do like I'm sorry I would I would I would give compliments to a dude and would only receive the spoke up maybe I have hugely high high standards but a fucking like it is an okay request if you're with a partner for a long time to be like hey like it makes you feel really good if you complement my outfit or it makes me feel really good if you notice I've shades my hair and to communicate that to them because they might not realize because they're so like unit Marxist or like but you don't need that and like you know that's why grandpa we share about us but yet exactly like you know Mafia Graham she would tell me my hair a fly would tell me I look great in a dress and would get laid because of it I mean yeah we don't exist in a vacuum of fuckin Marxism like I can be a good political activist and I can write all the detects and I can also want my fuckin boyfriend to tell me I look hot and his new dress and that is not a hypocrite see that is important no I think you're answered your own question and also because at the end of your question I had anger no but at the end of the question they were like look I have had these comments like basically you it's not even as being like hey you have a conversation with your partner perhaps like that's a good thing you have had those they always depends to that same they actually has that vision yeah so what I would try and reduce that insert like what's going on is like whether it is a professional ambition or whether it's a financial ambition because like I think to me those are very very two different things financial ambition I can totally relate to as I like you feel so insecure in your own class as such that you are gonna and you almost like being like babe just do anything for now but I'm gonna get us that house I'm gonna get us that second house whatever that's bullshit I'm gonna get us that and then we'll relax and then we'll be there for each other wait wait wait and then no no sir I never usually do this but it to come up Commission wanna make faces but and then there's this not say that that's still a good behavior because obviously working-class people can also be absolutely fuckin share relationship so hey see about myself but there is something to be said that I think that the sort of the the the ambition question in terms of not to say that ambition financially is not the same thing but like in terms of status status like if you already feel quite secure materially and actually there's not that much that can be brought status wise if there are gonna continue in that endeavor like you're already comfortable as is then really it's just about their ego it's not about pleasing to you and your material needs it is about them boosting ruiny but it's not believe I go there are nothing about financial security in there like well giving them a big benefit of the doubt no one talks about their class like that's a lot of the time yeah it's by the way yeah cuz we all definitely talk about yeah we loved in the class also not to say that like those are not entertained like I mean definitely a person that is you know gonna also save the lady from her perhaps financial security is gonna win a fucking Nobel Prize if you're shit your partner your shit your partner I like city boys yeah but like now I just feel like this is excuse making like if you're saying that I can't be here for you and I can't compliment you in the way that you feel like you need an atom fuck it because I'm working on my papers like know how how many seconds of a day does it take to say hey you look really good babe 1.5 when it comes from a point of insecurity because they feel like they're not giving enough perhaps do you think it's too much I think right but this is faster this is why we'd never prepare answers in advance because I guess we do have these perspectives or such like I can see this I guess maybe I'm again I'm projecting I can see how myself if I was in like in the relationship where I really felt like especially if the other partners like a bit more middle class that I am they are just trying to grind through this particular that I'm in to be like okay now I am secure and now can give you what you deserve and now I'm like established enough but I have to do this grind and like you kind of like and out of complete insecurity because in here already and secure that like you're no good enough for that person but even if they had actually like during oppressor communicated to you like hey Miriam I just feel like it'd be cool if you like said I look pretty a few times a day you know I mean like it sound like I would fall into the space but I wouldn't sound like she's asking for much it's a point like she's asking for quite a small amount of gratitude and like like yeah she would all she wants is like a small amount of affection I don't know like it's not like can hang out with me every Tuesday it's just like can you notice that I'm attractive and like I don't know yeah I don't to be found then we if we go boil down to like the sixth question like I could not live I could not hang out in a relationship where like sex is only very very like mechanical once a month and there were off to each other as well I have been in those relationships and they reach the crisis point and they either get resolved to the point where we like we imagine and we find ourselves and we're like banging again and it's great or we break up like it's just it's a thing like it's just so I think that does switch to like a boiling point in the way and I hate to be reducing it to that but like I think the intimacy question I like that yeah the sort of the the I think the more intimacy have with the with the other person the more actually you then get all other thing like I just feel quite hard line against the dude in this situation Deven just like yeah if you don't have time to have an interpretation with your partner you probably shouldn't be in a relationship like your partner is notice a thing that you can fall back on and pick up whenever you you feel it's commotion labor they do a lot of a lot marshal labor I don't friend there's not a convenient thing that you can just like like if you want that get a fucking booty cool like but it comes from insecurity probably that they feel like not good enough for their partner as well like I also for men and civilly rejecting this is knowing the question again me protecting is absolutely protecting here but like I've also fallen into the spot sometimes like where I am cold sometimes maybe it's my partner because I feel insecure as to what I am or Who I am so like I want to become that better person so that they would see me in like a whole new light and then we begin a new chapter sort of thing which is wrong it's not fine but it seems like he is just prioritizing the political work not his physical work to Bechet like it doesn't come through that he's doing as much work to better them they come through he's doing you this could work to better the future of politics and she is a second in that dynamic like first comes of evolution second comes my girlfriend and that's the thing I have issue with but also like what he said they reading academic texts not necessarily are they like political I like fucking biology or anxious or like quantum physic in which case fuck you fuck so this money on Rouen disagree that's fine because I they happen sometimes anything political I could academia is actually a lot like way more boring and I like main if some could be like quantum physics babe I like I know a lot about it a bit yeah I guess I was a fuming of physical work but you're totally right it could have just been less you like I love like looking at amoebas and I want to look at me but yeah hours a day so fucking that's got a hard kanya amoeba spend some time with me and so yeah we definitely like even protect us here with the whole lot yeah I completely assume in Cisco academia yeah I just feel like there's so many dude brews the gay way of being dude birds because I like I'm sorry babe I'm like writing for the revolution right now I agree and yet and as I say I think sometimes it does come from pairs of insecurities a border like borderline though is them not making if you like exactly why the sexiest woman alive because you're fucking should feel that way in which ever relationship your yes absolutely if your partner is not making you feel attractive and wanted and loved then you need to either bring that up with your partner which it sounds like you've done or done without amoeba Phil but it's like he's supposed to say that but like man like that's not to say that we don't acknowledge what a fucking difficult it is I think it is because also like okay did you eight hours plus a day of reading and then perhaps you have like a time at the end of the day where you guys are drinking wine and they're like explain T and it's fucking sexy what's happening we wouldn't have the question right no but like it's just that and then you get too drunk and then you have don't have sex and that's quietly look unlike you I don't feel like they're not having sex is like the important part for me all right it's cause like I'm not very good at sex I mean you know I don't know it's just like it's a it's really your needs emotionally and physically and not being fulfilled and that it'll clear in that effect your ask this question and yeah like and he needs to step up or you need to step out but that's okay so yes I agree with that and yet I think that's a very stereotypical answer that we would be giving like yeah he's seen it seems like a waste man you should just dump him Tara and yeah we do acknowledge that it's like things are way more complicated you probably what if you have like a mortgage together what if like you know what if he is achieving that and he's very very close to achieving that particle gold that will take you to this I would always say it's like have a conversation with him like tell him that you like I feel like if I told my part they're like hey I really it's really important me that you commented to me about like my aesthetics or whatever it is they would take that on board and he didn't take that on board that'd be an ongoing problem like if I don't she said she's already had a conversation that's why I'm going so like fucking Somalia on this that's why maybe a time is not just talking about like asking for a grand gesture what if okay this is your thing yeah I was my thing but basic as you love language I've been reading about love languages recently cuz I'm happy I like there's different love languages some of them are like physical like verbal compliments some of them are physical compliments some of them are like gifts and such and like yeah sorry so so I was wondering what if it is that like the same question that you've asked us today literally that same paragraph you send as a letter so your partner be like hey I got to the space where I asked two random girls about this what does this mean to us and that's in a way that's a that's a great grand gesture the negative side from you being like I've arrived to this point and and it's time for them to make the grand gesture that would be like a make-it-or-break-it sort of situation yes and I don't think you should be like dumping them immediately I think just basically getting them to understand that you have arrived to this point where you're so desperate I suppose where you're having to do this so I quite like us going back to the meta as to why people are asking me as the actions because that already is like that's a that's a big thing to do like to to write up a question to like two random people that you don't know about this and and to be like hey this is this is where I've and you can fuck it you can't even send them like our YouTube answer dude you're getting very very seriously what did you that I could dump him like five times no but like that's what normal people would fucking do like that's it like that's kind of the answer it's just that we are also trying yeah we want to give him a chance to provide you with the care you need because the clear there are things keeping your relationship we don't know about that valid and important and no one else what happens behind closed door is know B but then again like the fact that they even mention like foreplay is becoming less of a thing like I was like mate maybe like the one time they do bang you is just like that best thing in the world don't feel like what does she mean my full page does she mean she doesn't come he just comes because a lot of pentru sex a woman doesn't come and cook that's not okay if your boyfriend is not making you come talk to him about it then dump him like so besides I have my hard line right so I'd like I'd like to think we've given you quite a few avenues here but it's also I think those those two questions kind of got mirrored kind yeah of them so take what you will from that yeah shall we should we holiday today now I'm kind of going up yeah yeah thank you thank you everyone for everyone for so many questions please keep doing it Emily's here there's a couple of questions that we haven't tackle just because it really is a long time we've already been hearing but we will we definitely yeah yeah we're actually already planning another show that would be recording probably in the privacy of our home which is absolutely fine and there might be bikini there might be a little paddling pool but same drink same buy drink same verb yes so thank you so much I've gone decibel yeah question and thank you all for coming so much I hope you enjoyed it and helped us drink the rest of the chickens in the grones y'all yes please like actually if the only way for us to make money so I get that bar sold out so if there is any way and even then we basically any break even so help us break even and and follow us on YouTube Twitter whatever it is and Rowin thank you for that thank you all right

  1. Another great episode! Thank you! I recommend linking your curious cat in the description, so folks who find you on youtube can ask questions. Looking forward to your Ancel episode!

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